Hi, Tamara. I am glad to see you here on this site. Your comments about alcohol...all too real for me. I have such a love/hate relationship with alcohol. If I'm in a good place with my depression, I can handle it. I know when to stop, and I will stop at that point. If I'm at a low spot, that first drink or two does such a good job taking the edge off...it's hard to not chase more of that feeling. I've "quit" drinking several times when it has caused too much trouble in my life -- when I started drinking to the point of blacking out or doing/saying things I regret. It hasn't been a permanent thing for me, but taking a break from drinking has helped me. Good for you for being able to recognize that you needed to stop and for sticking with it for 4 weeks.
I hope you keep checking in with this site - reading the information, posting updates. I have found it helpful to interact with these discussion forums -- there isn't a whole lot of activity, but there are a few people who are frequent posters and I like reading their posts, blogs, and their replies to my posts. For me, focusing on simple actions that I can do right now have helped start to pull me out of a deep low point. I wish you well on your journey!
Tamara, you wrote that you "haven't yet set any goals..." followed by a really big Except. Maybe you next time you can lead (and tell yourself FIRST) what you have accomplished. Wow! 4 weeks with no alcohol when you wrote that you have been drinking to the point of blackout before. That's a really amazing goal to have met. If you do nothing else each day... you have accomplished a great deal. Good job!
And, yes... it is to be expected that when you are depressed and especially when you are recently sober you are not going to be at your best. Fights happen. Irritability is real. Even my skin feels irritable when I'm in a bad place. I have found it helps to remind my significant other that I am hurting but really trying to manage better. I have also found that telling him once is not enough. I give him credit for learning to back off when I'm really bad. He is so much better after we talk about it. Not easy to do. At all. But it is so much better for both of us if I keep us mindful of what WE are dealing with.
A couple of questions for you:
How are you rewarding yourself for not drinking? What are you doing for yourself with the extra time and money you are saving by not drinking?
Do you have a relapse plan in place? You know, for the day when the pain gets so bad and nothing is going right and you are ready to say "F... it, I'm going to drink anyway!" It's good to have a plan written down somewhere you can see it. Very simple. Call someone. Write it out. Go for a walk. Take a nap. Drink some juice or vinegar water. That's what I do. Dumb stuff... but helpful. What might be helpful for you?
I haven't set any goals except the abstinence of alcohol...I am on my 4th week now without. I know I had a problem but I don't struggle with this, as of yet.
I had a counselor session a couple days ago that brought up a lot of feelings and it caused me to fall in a deep depression that day, feeling hopeless and guilty and like a horrible person. I took some of that out on my partner, which made things more difficult and made me feel more guilty. Its a nasty negative spiral.
I am sorry to read all you have had had to go through. Anyone in your situation would struggle. I am so glad you are looking for resources to support yourself - that takes strength. Counseling and this program are two great ways forward. You can start to feel better and we will help you every step of the way.
You might also want to check out our sister site alcoholhelpcenter.net. Have you set any goals on moving forward? I suggest working on the program and starting to think about a goal for moderation or abstinence around alcohol. What do you think is an important first step for you?
Hi Tamara, Welcome! Thank you for posting. I'm sorry life is so painful for you and that you have to wait to see a counselor. You've come to a good place to get some help in the meantime. Mean time. Waiting for help when you are so depressed is surely that. I do recommend the Alcohol Abuse sister site. I too struggle with alcoholism and found a lot of support and good information over there last time I was active here. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to access that site yet... not sure if it's my computer or that site. Hopefully you can get in...
just begin where you can... have you starting reading the education part of the depression program? Just start. Read a little bit each day. Post your thoughts. Keep coming back. We are listening. You are not alone in this. Be gentle with yourself! ~m
I just wanted to give a bit of background about myself.
I am at one of my lowest points right now. I have been on antidepressants for over 12 - 15 years (came off a couple times). Became widowed 10 years ago at 26 years old and still having some issues with that. However it seems to never end, I have since had a child with another partner of 7 years and we split now I am having custody issues.
I have moved on yet again with a wonderful man who makes me happier than I have been in a while, however I have trouble with alcohol abuse when things in my life are stressful and since my ex passed....I abuse alcohol to the point that I black out and do things I regret. The stress is too much. The low feeling, the guilt, I am struggling to move past, but feel I've came to a low where I don't care if I live any more. Its as if I have no energy or motivation and I am just going through everyday looking from the outside in. Waiting to see an counselor.
Thanks for listening.
