Hi, although I've been in relationships, all of them failed ones, I understand exactly what you are talking about. I feel alone, use humour to cope, eat way too much (sometimes as self-harm), and have probably been depressed since I was a very young child. You are not alone... none of us are. There is lots of support here and all around you. I've been high functioning bi-polar for so many years. I'm only now realizing the impact it's made in my life. My family doesn't get it, my friends just see the fun me, and my coworkers see the work version of myself. Journaling has helped me a lot, even having a creative outlet. I hope you feel proud of yourself for losing the weight, that couldn't have been easy. I hope you continue your journey peacefully :)