I didn't quit completely earlier because I was afraid. I was afraid of being alone, not fitting in somewhere. I was afraid of being afraid. I was afraid of people discovering that I was afraid. It doesn't even make sense now to think of it. It was the control the addiction had on my life. I didn't know how to cope with life without smoking.
Like many here, I started young at 11 or 12 years old. I think those are crucial years in a child's development. I was very impressionable at that age. I just wanted to fit in somewhere. I had just switched from a catholic school to a public school. I remember being so nervous. Smoking got me in with the rough crowd. The addiction tricked me into thinking I was fearless when, in fact, I was very fearful. I didn't live the life I had dreamed as a boy. I lived the life of an addict, relinquishing control to a weed. Giving my life up to a drug, a soul stealing substitute for a dream. It took me losing a girl (again) to finally put it in black and white for me. I wasn't even quite sure why, at that time, but I knew that I must regain control of my dream, this life, from my addiction or I would be doomed to keep repeating this very unpleasant cycle.
Thanks for asking this question, Christine. I got off track a bit, perhaps, but to more directly answer your question... I guess I just wasn't ready to grow up yet. It hurts a bit to admit that.
Life or death, live or die. There is only do, there is no try.
choice puts the free in freedom.
no hurries, no worries.
keep on keepin' on - fish
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/21/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 130
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,921
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $650
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 16 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 41 [B]Seconds:[/B] 1