It's so great that you've been able to make such a difficult decision. Be able to identify toxins and stressors in our life, is terrific, and acting upon them is important. Good for you! Now comes the waiting and the adjustment period, but I'm confident that good things await you from among the choices you will now continnue to make. Hang in there and keep as positive as you can. We're pulling for you!

Hello Everyone, It's a little while since I posted but I've been away for a week, and then have been reading all the recent posts over the past few days. My big news is that I have actually given notice at the job that has been causing me so much stress (for 4 years, plus!) and have even begun applying for alternatives (that don't involve the same kind of stresses, hopefullY!). I feel certain that finding this site a few weeks ago, and having all of you to "talk" to, and finding so many of us in similar situations, helped me get straight in my mind and recognise that this job was having such a destructive effect on my health and self-confidence. Thanks, all of you! It really did help me to realise that NO job is worth such anxiety and dangerous levels of stress, and even more importantly helped me see that there are other options. Plus, we only live once, and I've been so unhappy in this job for all these years, life was being ruined for me and all my family to an extent too. So, I'll let you know what comes up. I'm so looking forward to a change, though of course nervous of new challenges, but will be so relieved when I can finally leave. I'm contracted to work until the end of this school year, so I have to keep going for 11 more weeks...now, you may think this will be easy, especially as I know it's all ending soon, but in fact I'm very shaky about it. I went in to work yesterday to get the classroom prepared for the new term, and to my dismay felt all the old shakiness and near-to-tears feelings nearly swamp me: and this is without the children being there!! I can't even describe properly how awful I feel, because I have experienced over and over again how impossible it is to keep up with the job: SO much to do and never even half enough time, and the children are hard to control, and so many demands from the Head, the parents... absolutely exhausting as well as making me drown in panic. Can I just indulge in a moment's negativity and say how much I fear and hate it?!! I have to find the courage to get through the next 11 weeks but I know how hard it will be. I've only survived the past year by saying over and over as I drive shakily to work: "You ARE good at this job, and you DO like it"!! But to me it's a nightmare and I don't

Hi Sarajo, I responded to another post of yours already about the job problem, but I thought i'd add one to this. I love the sound of that cool book you have! Old too...soo cool! Anyway, i'm not having the best time of it either here the past couple days. The second day into my cycle I got slammed with constant dizziness and then about 4 big attacks in the late afternoon and evening. I took some ativan which helped some, but mostly it was dizziness that wouldn't shake. In the night I had a few that brought me out of sleep. (room spin kind of stuff) :8o: After midnight though, I think I finally went into REM sleep. I am going to the OBGYN this afternoon to consult with her on some of these hormone issues I am having and to see about some tests. I'll see how it goes. I hope you get through the rest of the week better. I really think you need a break at least. Peace, Andrea

Hi Andrea! I like the way you write back so soon...almost as good as on-line chat. (By the way there'll probably be a gap, maybe Monday to Wed/Thurs, when I don't get to post much: frantically busy working days & evenings for me. But I'll be back Thurs for sure!) Right, Capricorn, is it. The only person I know well with your sign is my father-in-law!! So, I'll go and read up about you in my ancient and well-worn "Linda Goodman's Star Signs" book....it's pretty accurate about Cancers in there, if I'm anything to go by, so maybe it'll be good about goats too! "Romantic to a fault" eh?! Guess you're right...sentimental, too! But, I forgot to respond to a previous comment of yours: "children should be our inspiration": very true. In fact when times get rough, and everything else in my life seems dark and bleak, I think of my two daughters and there's a kind of golden glow around my mental picture of them. Not that I don't recognise their human frailty & imperfections of course, but they truly are my joy and they are an ever-present source of pride and happiness, in spite of all the little ups and downs of family life. When they see me struggling a bit to keep up with everything (job, family, home, etc), they have both said at times that they don't want children of their own: they want fulfilling careers etc! But then I tell them that despite the struggle & the hard work, and (in my case) the choice made to parent & raise them myself for the early years (instead of using child-minders etc and instead of pursuing a career at that time), being their mother has been the most special and valuable thing I've ever experienced. I have told them that the love you feel for your children is like nothing else, and that I'm so glad I've been able to experience this. Doing as good a job as I can as a mother will be one thing I know I will never regret. Anyway, I'll stop rattling on for a bit & go downstairs and see a bit of the family before bed-time! (Mother's Day tomorrow, so I've tried to clear as much house-work and work preparation for next week, as I can, so we can have a good day without too much work hanging over us!) I play a bit of guitar & sing too: though mostly at "sing nursery rhymes to the 5/6 year olds I teach" level! I've never been to the USA,

Oh Ya! I forgot....i'm a goat! (Capricorn) Big climber...conqueror...big on the structure of things. Peace To You, Andrea This message was edited by am on 3-29-03 @ 3:05 PM

Hi Sarajo, Darn! I was so wrong about your sign! :p A Cancer huh...romantic to a fault...that's what I heard. I also am interested in the personalities of the Zodiac. The whole "let me tell you your future" thing isn't really interesting to me. It's cool I pegged you right on some stuff. I'm sure you wouldn't dream of not being with the kids. I'm just saying that some people think they can't start their lives over and keep their kids safe from emotional damage. I have seen it done before tho and in the end everyone gains from living the truth. The UK is so cool. I wish I could go there and see it. I would love to see some of the Celts too. I was in an Irish folk group for a while and we use to have so much fun pretending we were really Irish! ;p ( I play guitar and sing) Anyway, i'm glad to be talking with ya. I hope you are feeling better lately. Take Care, Andrea

Hello again Andrea, Yes, isn't it great to be in touch. It's 10.45pm here in England now, though, so this one will be my last tonight I think (I find that letting myself get too tired is unhelpful, and often feel a lot stronger after a couple of early nights!) But I had to write straight back, because I love it when one of you does that, and because, Andrea (I like the "Panic Schmanic" too!) you've proved your talents at reading people well, again!! - First, yes, it DOES feel like a real need, not just a wish of mine, to get away/express my real personality again; - Second, I totally agree about the kids being my responsibility (and would NEVER renege on that: in fact I may well overdo the "staying by" them, and have restricted myself unnecessarily by doing so too much: I've NEVER been away without them (though they've been on school trips etc, of course, without me, individually)and the eldest is 14!! -Thirdly, you're so right about acknowledging that you're not happy. I should have done so years ago (in a more assertive way, rather than just expressing misery..and indeed making all the family suffer) and taken steps to make myself happier....but I'm doing it now. -Fourthly, no problem about the Grand Canyon thing, don't be embarrassed!! I think it's great to be in touch across the water and I love making American friends; much more fun and interesting than sticking to my own country! I love the way you all seem to talk so openly...I do too, but not everyone here seems comfortable with it. Glad you're having a good day. Yes, agree about the hormone levels (I read lots of interesting posts on the discussion on that topic on this site). Good for you, managing to prevent the heartbeat/shakes stuff: I'm trying to kind of "talk my heart down" when it starts to thump: I imagine it will slow down if I just breathe slowly and "will" it to stop racing. It seems to work a bit. Me too, on the Zodiac stuff: I am interested in it, (though a bit embarrassed to admit it, as it's definitely "hokey", no question...but since you admit it too, that's OK!) though more on the personalities typical of each sign, than the horoscopes, which seem less believable to me. Actually I'm a very typical Cancerian (lots of crying, imaginative, home-loving, etc...). Y

Hi Sarajo! This is so cool talking to you ladies! I'm really feeling good knowing that we're all going thru this and we're all helping each other. LOL! I am so embarrassed about the Grand Canyon tip. How selfish of me to just assume you're from the USA. Let's see...UK...how about a nice lovely trip to the castle to meet the Queen for tea?? ;p Anyway, "Hokey" is a kind of slang term that means wierd or mysterious or something. Like one might say to a gypsy and her tarot cards..."that sounds kind of hokey to me." I am a kind of sensitive. I read people well I guess you could say. That's how I had the feelings about you wanting to get away and all. Of course, i'm sure we have all been thru something like it, but sometimes it's an actual [i]need[/i] within a person and not just a fantasy. I think that it's possible to bring balance to your life in a way that does involve your kids as well. As for your husband...that depends on you. Your kids are your responsibility though and they should be your inspiration as well. Sometimes it's ok to say you're not happy with your life. Sometimes if you don't acknowledge that in time, everyone suffers. I'm having a good day today. I have had several attacks and I think it's because i'm starting my womans cycle. Thats when they came last time. I am fighting them down though and they only last about 10 minutes and then go away. The extent of them now is a really big swoozy head rush and dizziness. They used to be followed by racing heartbeat and shakes and stuff, but I have learned how to nip that in the bud. I think that a lot of mine and a lot of other womens is brought on by a low level of hormones which is why for many it happens around their periods. I have been researching the subject extensively. By the way, if you don't mind me asking...are you by any chance an Aries under the sign of the zodiac? It's one of my interests and it's quite hokey... Keep In Touch, Andrea ;)

Hello Andrea, and Foaped, Kingsford, Jamie & everyone! Thanks for your posts. Hope you're all having a good day today. Andrea, you're SO right about my state of mind at the moment: that feeling that "there's more to life than this"...typical "mid-life crisis" maybe? Except it feels like just a step further down the same road I've been travelling for many years, beginning long before I was anywhere near mid-life years! As for "yearning for a different and better future", oh, you have SO much touched a nerve there! And you have described the feeling so well...have you experienced this yourself?! Sometimes the sense of hopelessness, (that is, that I feel there is such a lid on my future) overwhelms me...these can be some of the worst times. I do like your suggestion of getting away by myself, and I admit I've been half-thinking of doing so for a long time. (Might not quite manage the Grand Canyon though, as it's a bit far from England...! I like the other ideas though; I must think through my old girl friends, all living in different parts of the UK, and maybe see who I can persuade to meet up with me..) I'm a bit worried though, that the more time I spend alone and free from responsibilities, the happier I'll be, and the less I'll be prepared to make the compromises and sacrifices that marriage (and being a mother)demands....! You know, like perhaps if I get one little taste of freedom I won't be able to stand coming back to "prison"! But, since I posted on this discussion last, I've made some positive progress: I'm now teaching myself the piano (and loving it) and am planning to go back to painting classes: two creative hobbies which will "feed" me, "heal" me and restore some of my self-esteem and sense of who I am (as ME, not someone's wife/someone's Mum...) Oh, and I've been back to the gym 4 times, too! This site really helps me, and I'm sure lots of you find that, too. (By the way, what's "Hokey"?! I'm sure I didn't find your post that, whatever it is: I think you're very kind to take the trouble to write back; thank you!) I read your introduction to the group. Welcome, by the way! I smiled at the €œHello, fellow panickees€ and I hope things improve for you soon; good luck getting checked out next week. I sympathise with the weight g

Hi Sarajo, I was really interested in your story. I think it's great that you have the ability to express so well how you feel to the group and subsequently to yourself. I think that for some people, just processing in their own minds what is wrong with them is a huge ordeal. So you are steps ahead I think in that you know what's hurting you. Now you just need to decide how to deal with it. Instinctively, I get the feeling that you are feeling a more general feeling of "evolution" lately. As if you sense that there is more to life than what you're living. More to relationships with friends, lovers and family. I think it's more than just you having had a painful past but that you yearn for a different and better kind of future. I feel like a nice vacation without your husband or kids would be good here. Even if it was just for 2 or 3 days. Perhaps you could go to one of those cool "retreats". You can research on line for different kinds of retreats and where they will be taking place. There are some that are designed for healing and restoring of the spirit. Either way, I think it would behoove you to spend a few days by yourself or with a fun friend who is communicative and whom you feel comfortable around. It could be as simple as driving to a nearby town and staying at a hotel and going "antique hunting", or as elaborate as a long car trip to the Grand Canyon. I think that you might find in this personal and adventurous time that life does have a bigger scope and that indeed you are only limited by your own imagination. [i]I hope this isn't too hokey for you...[/i] Best Of Luck, Andrea ;p