Monica,
Do not give up the fight for your life. Your dad was so proud of you for being quit. Continue the journey and do not give in to the junkie within anymore. This is a tough time of year to lose someone. We have to focus on what is instead of what isn't. Is that easy? Nope! But we can make it through and win the battle.
Smoking will kill you. That is about all it will do for you. Take some really deep breaths, keep taking your walks, keep crying your eyes out, and keep relying on that wonderful husband of yours to get you through all of this.
You have already shown your strength to beat the addiction. Do not give up on yourself. You are worth the fight and will only regret smoking with each cigarette that touches your lips. It will bring you more depression not solutions.
Emotions are tough. I've lost someone that was like my own child during this season. I have been quit a lot longer than you and I have actually thought of smoking. I understand exactly where you are coming from. I also know the feeling of freedom from the enslavement of smoking and that is what keeps me from lighting up. If I ever have just one, that is it for me. I will smoke until I die. Quitting is too hard. You have over 50 days on your meter. You may never get here again. Don't chance it. Get rid of any cigarettes, cry, kick, scream, break dishes, whatever it takes. Just don't smoke. There are so many around here that have watched you struggle through the loss of your dad. You are not alone, we are with you. Let us know how you are doing.
Hang in there. You are stronger than the addiction. You've already proven that. Keep going.
Lady
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 541
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 10,838
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1893.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 47 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 14
