Saralyn, You sound as though you've had a REALLY rough start in life and I empathize deeply. I too have had things go seriously wrong in my past which have scarred me emotionally, as, I'm sure, have a lot of us. I didn't mean to imply that drug therapy is the only way to heal, just merely that it's an option for a head start to healing and a tool you could use if taken correctly. Think of it as you would, for example, as taking cough syrup when you have a cold. It will help alleviate the symptoms, but it won't cure the cold. Do you have a Guidance Counsellor or Teacher that you are comfortable enough with to share your feelings or fears with? It sounds as though you may need to look outside of your family for support. I don't know how long you've been living there or how close you are with the other members of your household but sometimes a neutral third party can provide more help, insight and support...that's why people see counsellors, pyschiatrists, or therapists. In so many places this service is free. You shouldn't be embarassed to talk to your Mom, she already knows that something is making you so fearful and unhappy. You sound like you care a great deal about her. In order to care about others, we need to try to care about ourselves, so that we can be there for them if they need us someday. If you ever want to talk more directly you can find me at teaenvy@yahoo.ca Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you... Nicole :)

Saralyn, Have you told your doctor about how you have been feeling? There are other options other then medication for treatment. The Panic Program and this group are here to help you. Make use of the support group, keep posting your thoughts and concerns, we are here to help. Susanne Feel free to contact me anytime: susanne.cockshutt@v-cc.com This message was edited by Susanne on 2-7-04 @ 10:41 AM

saralyn, I just wanted to let you know that, like trish I would be more then happy to try to help you. I'm not a counselor either but I do have 4 children, and I had a difficult childhood , so maybe my past experiences can be of some help to you. If nothing else having people to talk to who won't judge you and who have been where you are now may be enough to make you feel better. My e-mail is gph1987@comcast.net I'll keep you in my prayers.

Saralyn, No, you can't get through it alone. Seems from your previous posts, you REALLY, REALLY need someone to talk to over emotional hurts, it not it will only fester as you get older. I am not a counselor, but I have raised one teenager, and am raising another. Those years can be very emotional times peer wise. I would gladly listen and offer the best of my advice. My email is trishegbert_2@yahoo.com Sincerely, Trish

I really appriciate all the advise and support that everyone is offering to me...but I really don't want to try any medications. I'm terrified. I know that my foster mom wouldn't like that anyways. I know that she wants the best for me, she's just really busy. She works all day, and I'm not the only one who lives in this house with her. I don't want to fail her. Everytime I'm upset she always says stuff like "Am I not doing a good enough job?" and stuff like that. Once I was crying in my room and she came home and heard me. All she said was, "Why is everbody so f*ck*d up in this house? Can't I just come home to a normal family?" So, that's pretty much why I don't want to ask her about counseling and push her for stuff like that. This is the best place I've ever lived, and I don't want to risk loosing it. I just don't know how to manage my feelings and deal with all this at the same time. I did check out the highly sensitive person website. I took the test. For positive the score had to be 14 or higher, and my score was 24. (Sigh) How long does it usually take for people to get normal again? I'm only 15...is this normal for kids my age? Is it possible for me to get through this alone?

Saralyn, Have you tried any sort of medication? I know it sounds absurd, but sometimes it can help. :) I have been where you are...lost, confused, desperately unhappy...but there are ways to bounce back. Right now I'm in the middle of a huge setback, but I've not lost hope. I know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm struggling to get there. A combination of Celexa and infrequent use of Ativan (combined with therapy) and a FREE Stress Management Course have been helpful. You sound young...don't make the same mistake I did by waiting too long to get help. I'm 33 now and have been dealing with this since forever. I'm sure that you have some kind of drug subsidy program in your area. I don't regularly advocate drug use (on account of my profession), but I really feel that you could benefit from the wisdom of my experience. If you ever want to chat, I'm here. Sincerely, Nicole

Saralyn, I honestly feel sorry for you hun, your caught in a rough spot. Although, it is up to your foster parents to make sure you are emotionally well just as much as physically well. I can understand you not wanting to go back to a group home, but what your foster mom is doing is trying to deter you from letting anyone know what is going on with you. But from your post your social worker is already aware something is, if she is pressuring your foster mom for you to seek therapy, she is basically telling her, it is her responsibility to make sure you get transportation to see somebody, the more she puts it off, they may feel in your best interest that the home you are in now is not meeting the standards of your well being. What you feel is hidden in all actuality is known, and it is a matter of time. You are deserving of a caring home, one that meets your emotional needs, you are a person of worth, and this needs to be reinforced with support. By all means if you feel most comfortable with your school counselor, tell them, print this post thread and show it to them. Trish

I wasn't able to get counseling over a year ago, and I'm able to get it now, for the same reasons. We don't have the money too, and yes I know, there are free places. But I don't have transportation over there. My social worker is pressing me and my foster mother to get me into counseling but I don't see it happening any time soon. And if it does, my foster mom told me that everything I do tell the counseler that they will give the report to my social worker...and that could end in disaster. I don't know how to cope with the feeling I have, and the social worker always threatens to put me back in a group home and I DO NOT want that. I talked to the school counselor a couple of times, but I can't talk to him all the time because he is my 5th period teacher as well, and the fact that if I tell him everything he will phone my foster mom, and that would cause more drama that I don't want. I took the anxiety test and it said the results should defenitley be taken to someone professional. Should I give them to my school counselor? What if he phones my foster mom. I don't want her to know about this site and that I'm participating in this because she just wants to have a normal life...and that's exactly what I want for myself, but she doesn't understand. I've only been here for about 2 years, this is the longest I've ever lived in one place before. I don't want this to end but at the same time I do. I'm so confused. I don't know how I feel, but at the same time I know exactly how I feel, I just can't admit it to myself. And if I can't admit it to myself how am I supposed to admit it to other people? How do I escape without hurting myself or other people around me? Nothing seems to work anymore. It seems like the only one I can depend on is my boyfriend that I've had for the past year or more...but I don't want to dump everything on him because I know he cares but I know it gets tiring and I don't want to bring him down with me. It's hard for me sometimes to keep things straight. It's hard to keep on good terms with everyone to because of my stupid sensitivity. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost, but I won't give up. I just won't let myself after I've come this far already. Right?

Saralyn, What happened that you were not able to obtain the counseling a year ago? It is definitely needed to help you overcome past hurts emotionally, and to work over your anxiety. Trish

Oh boy, we all feel it so much. We are sensitive beings, try to get your hands on the Highly Sensitive Person book and/or website. Its was a great read for me and helped.