Well I was up all night - No.. I DID NOT SMOKE !
I talked to myself .. outloud, all night long as I moved and rearranged furniture in almost every room. Hell, if I could I would have reversed everything in the washroom - toilet and all !
I am not moving from where I live because I love where I'm at BUT I cannot live with all my memories of someone who could so easily just up and leave me.
All of this horribleness (is that a word?) happened on Sunday, now it's Thursday and I'm by no means 'ok'.. It's going to take a lot of healing time and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to heal from this blow and I've put some things into perspective as well. While rearranging my entire living space I thought of Monica and all that she goes through with her chronically ill husband. Her life is a constant stress situation and she's been coping so very well with her situation. I have drawn strength and inspiration from her so I've decided to go with her and her hubby to his rehab session. He is such a strong man because of HER. I am by no means minimizing what has happened to me but I know that my situation is going to get better, with time, pampering, being gentle on myself, getting out, keeping busy and KNOWING that SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION !
My relationship might be dead but I am NOT. Smoking will NOT bring back what I had, nor will it make it easier to get through. Yes, it threw me for a loop - Yes, I wigged out and went with a poor impulse but NO I am not going to dwell on that slip of 2 cig's and make every effort to move on for REAL !
So once again I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your caring support and advice. You've all been very empathetic towards my situation and I'm very grateful to have this site to come to.. my home away from home.
Now I begin a new journey in my personal life and continue on with my smoke free life.
Jean
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/4/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 36
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 906
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $369
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 42
