nurseboy,your job has not caused your ocd, because you have had it since you were a teenager , but being constantly exposed to illness and tragedy has made it worse. Some of us are just genetically predisposed for these disorders. I know I could not do what you do because emotionally and mentally I would not be able to handle it.I bet that's true for most anxiety sufferes we can learn to change our way of thinking and stop the panic and scary thoughts, but when your exposed on a daily basis to pain , suffering and death, it nearly impossible to think positively or put a humorous spin on things.It's easy for me to give you suggestions on ways to cope with your thoughts so that your mind doesn't run away with itself, but just because they work for me and probably most everyone else it's going to be more difficult for you because of your job. At least I think you've probably figured out why you have these thoughts. They are definately a way for your mind to distract itself from the real issues associated with your job. You know deep down you are not going to act on any of your thoughts, you never have and it's been 12 years now. You are a husband, father and professional. You pay your taxes , have a mortgage, live in the suburbs and have pizza for dinner on friday night. You're a normal average guy, you're not going to kill anyone,lose your mind, or become a rapist. But you do care for sick children who sometimes die. You see them suffer and the pain their parents go through. This is your scary thought. Not the other things. If you can find a way to make peace with what you see and do each day, then the scary thoughts will go away. God has blessed all of us by giving us a caring, compassionate individual, who cares for sick children. Keep up the good works.
