Hey Rob47 breaking my rule by posting in am and I am searching looking for ways to get through and to do this getting through in a grounded way! Cheers Thanks for the input. Glad you are still around! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 46 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 928 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $345 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 28 [B]Seconds:[/B] 37

Just before I go for the evening. Lady. Thank You. Your words and your example have been truly generous and kind to me. You have cared and nurtured a part of me that I very much have kept in shadow. A part that I don't know that I would be so revealing of in any other forum. Thanks you have really helped me. Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 45 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 919 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $337.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 48 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27

Routine. Is there anything of the old routine left in my life? Well no there most certainly is not! There is no more of the old routine. That routine has been blasted away in a breath of fresh air. I was for years on a set schedule, had to get that fix into me no matter what. There is a part of me that is embarrassed, ashamed and quite sad that when push comes to shove and all the way down in the bottom of my soul I am an addict. Plain and simple I needed that fix and I would move a whole lot of earth to get what I wanted. For years, like 36, I told my self that I needed, well I didn't need, I just wanted. So now what do I do with all that want, all that need to be filled. I am so glad that I planned this out a bit before the quit. 1. I swim, and this has grown from four hours a week to 7 hours. I am learing to breath and be very comfortable in an environment that I was most uncomfortable in. 2. It is spring and this weekend I started garden maintenance, outside breathing fresh air and tending all my lovely green friends. Nurturing and training and pruning and having a lot of fun creating and fostering beauty. 3. I walk the dog, more regularly that I ever have. I get to make new friends over and over with my mostfaithful and supportive friend. 4. I have taken to planning my meals and cooking several days at a time in order that I save time and I eat within a plan. I have taken a much more orderly approach to how I eat and what I eat. [quote] I am going to go off on a little tangent here for a moment. I have not done any study on this and for me nicotine or other chemicals in the tobacco I smoked were an appetite suppresant. I am constantly hungry now, I was never like this before, I could go for one meal a day with a couple of candies or chocolate bars really unhealthy corner store kind of snacks, and I would basically eat one meal a day. I did this for years. Now that I no longer smoke I have this big appetite. Some of it is just the wanting to be filled and another part is the change in eating schedule, habit and product. This could be an interesting discussion and diet is something that I can be much more accountable to myself on. I am glad and grateful for the place of accountability on this site. [/quote] continuing with what I

I get so tired by the end of the day and it is not even the end of the day it is the late part of the afternoon. Am I whining yet. When I opened this post it was not my intention to whine. I get real tired by the end of the day. I have to keep looking at my committment and I don't want to bog down any of the rest of the people that are around so I come here. Is that strange. No it is simply a place for me to dump the nasty thoughts that swirl in my head. I am very determined to keep the nasty stuff to myself and not act it out on my family or friends. They all seem by the way to be amazingly supportive. What I don't find supportive is the ignorance I experience out in the world. Walking the dog and stopped at a street light and the person next to me lights a cigarette and even though I am outside I am engulfed in a cloud of smoke. I though this should smell nice. YEUGHGHGH it smelt so nasty I was really repulsed. Do I blame her or get nasty with her no it would be useless. I see lots of people here not going to gas stations or the places where they would purchase cigarettes. I just totally stay away. I don't trust myself yet. I keep to the routine and look to each days schedule. Keep my nose to the grindstone. Not that there is no joy oy humour or fun I just need to look for the fun and I will find it. It seems a drag that I have to do that and right now I know I have to do that. When I really suffered from depression and anxiety, where I could barely make it to work and I had to stay away from bridges never looked for the fun. I gur=ess I learned that looking for the fun will have it appear. Although there are down times in this quit there has been nothing like that time in my life and I am very glad for that. Thats it get to the glad. Going on 50 days hooray! Lost 2 inches in my waist,and got new pants that are not falling off hooray. Did lots of stuff this week that would have been difficult if I was smoking and that is really great. I spend longer doing things cause I am not taking that little break every 20, 30 or 40 minutes. Longer power of concentration and that is really great. Cause I think I was b#$$%^ing about this earliuer that I was not able to concentrate well it seems to be coming back. Lots to be glad about, lots to be h

Just got back from walking the dog and I posted a response to a post that Lady started earlier today. [quote] As someone who started smoking when I was 13 years old I know that there are many pieces of life that I have never experienced. I am so open to having the experiences I missed and giving myself the fullness of life that I am willing to go through the tough stuff, cause I know, I simply know that there will be more good stuff than I have ever experienced before in my life. According to behavior modification, quitting is not reward enough. Learning to appreciate and value ourselves and even to love ourselves is part of the quitting program and of the process of change that is required. The above is something that the 13 year old never got to do and that the 49 year old man is just now learning to do. I so much identify with what you have written today and what you have said about letting go of the past and embracing the future. For me this is the greatest part of the journey, the leap, the leap of faith to absolutely trust that the future will be oh so much brighter, more, and richer that anything any of us have experienced in the past. That is why , for me, it is so awesome, inspiring and motivational to have so many of the "older" quitters posting, celebrating and showing the way to an amazing free life. Thanks for leading the way and being so vulnerable and so inspiring. Thanks Phillip [/quote] There is something from this and something that has been on my mind for a good part of the day. That is - my noticing of how my mood swings up and down with the board or the posts that are on the SSC. Not to say anything negative about this community but my noticing is if I am confronted here with a lot of anxiety, I feel anxious, if I am confronted with a lot of anger I will fell angry, if there is a lot of fear present I will be fearful. How like an inexperienced 13 year old is this. OHHHHHHHHH. AH HA. Phillip you need to relearn how you process and deal with emotion, with what is coming at you. How aikido like. ah master teach me. Oh no you must teach yourself. So off I go. Not to be flippant and it will be my most challenging piece in this stopping smoking thing is to relearn how to handle and deal with emotion. Am I up for this.

Hello there, and thank you. Thank you Sunshine and Itsironic and Melanie and Healer Within. I am glad that I can possibly help someone along, inspire or motivate, that is a lot of what my life is about in my work and it seems to be more and more a part of my personal life. What a beautiful day today has been. Bright sunshine, clear skys and just gorgeous outside. Went for breakfast with a friend and with him was his mother, visiting from far away, she smoked. I was surprised because my friend has a very very strong attitude about smokers. In any case it was wonderful telling someone a little older than me and who has smoked from about the same age as me about quitting and what has changed in my life. Telling her about how this site and posting has worked for me was a very touching and very emotional experience. This woman was very standoffish about the fact that she smoked and I was concerned with how I would be when she lite up. Finally it happened and I was just fine. Wierd thing was that I felt sorry for her, she will develop breathing issues soon enough. The whole exchange was very different than I had thought that it might be. I was much more gentle that I thought that I might be. Interesting experience and very different than I thought it would be. I thought for myself I would be craving the smoke as I watched her smoke. I just was not there I totally saw how the smoking changed her features and did stuff to her voice and her ability to walk and breath. Off to swimm for the day. Breath, Breath, Breath, In out, In out, In out. Swimming will do that! Ciao Phillip :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 51 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,033 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $382.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 16

50 Days Hooray!!!!! I feel very good, good about what I am doing for myself. Very happy as I look out to brilliant sunshine. Celebration, reward ... I am going to walk my dog and glory in the sun, cleanup my garden, uncover bunches of bulbs that are just peeking through celebrating their ability to survive the cold and snow, go swimming (on Thursday I did one whole 50 of freestyle - in good style - I am making real progress in the pool), come home and cook a lovely dinner for me and some friends. The people who I have surrounded myself with are amazingly supportive, considering that smoking was such a huge part of me. Thanks all of you out there,hope you are all doing well. There are some of you I miss, miss a lot and I will keep coming here and looking. I really do miss the connection as tenuous and perhaps unreal as an internet connection can be. One foot in front of the other, we get to choose. Choose if we are going to plod and shuffle along in a daze of misery or choose to dance, skip and move with joy. Right now I am choosing the joyful side. Cheers Happy 50 to me! ;p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 50 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,008 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $375 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 5

Just back in from the "petite jardin". MMMMMMM Thank you all, Lady, Butterfly Swimmer, Rob47 and Redrosie for checking in and responding. I really appreciate and feel rewarded that you are there and that you left word that you were in. Rob47 I totally understand the trigger piece around how this board has it's own waves. I am glad and somehow reassured that you are looking over my shoulder. Congratulations for tomorrow and YOUR 50 days quit. Strength, resolve, courage, determination and a whole lot more that is what you have! Redrosie I am so glad you came by. Decks I don't want to know about decks I have several thousand sq feet of red red cedar decks and in a couple of weeks they will have to be cleaned for the year. Another outdoor treat. Last Year I cleaned decks all through the beginning of May getting set for my wedding and it was a treat. The decks were beautiful and made a great setting for all the people. Thanks for taking the time to reply before going to work! BFS my garden reward was lovely. It is more like yard nurturing than work. There are so many things coming up peeking their head through and oooooohjh it is cold today. This morning it was minus 2 celsius that is just below 32 f. And I am so excited we planted bunches, little drifts of very unusual bulbs, lots of frittilaria and alium some as tall as 60 inches and they are sprouting and coming up like mad. What a treat! Very exciting and a lovely reward to get them uncovered and see their cold little faces popping through the earth. Lady this is turning out to be a much more lovely ride than the rollercoaster I was speaking about a few weeks ago. More like a lovely horse carraige through a beautiful old section of some fantastic old city. Just think I had all this time in the garden and playing in my dirt and no cigarette, none of the nasty yucky stinky cigs and I didn't even think about smoking. (Until I got here) Oh well thase thought will pass as well. Glad to be on the journey with all of you. I learn an immense amount about myself in the posts of others and in writting, and telling my own journey. Thank you all. Pride in accomplishment that is one of the reasons I quit and here it is today. :p ;p :blush: ;p :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]S

The Eve of 28 days 4 whole weeks. I kinda wanna put my paws over my ears, crawl under the bed and turn the sound down. There has been so much talk about starting to smoke again, horrible awful news of friends and family all of the things that I associate with grief. AND then there is debate, which I have a very strong association with/to arguing and harsh words. Peace in the family at all costs. (What I do very differently around this, is be in the debate, I don't think that I would ever have been so vocal or as searching as I have been here.) AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. It is a beautiful sunny day here in TO. I went to my ususal Thursday 7:00 am meeting and back by 9:30. After this meeting, hell after any meeting I used to smoke. I would get through an hour, two hours, three hours and I would reward myself for working so hard by having a smoke. Well wouldn't you know it I walk out of this meeting and all I want to do is smoke. I knew there was a store to the south and to the north I didn't know what. So what did I do. I turned tail and ran to the north. I don't know why I feel strange about doing what I did. I went to the place where I was least likely to do any damage. I thought when I got home oh well you should have challenged yourself, you should be up to the test, Blaugh, blaugh blaugh. (That addict talk is so sly). I know I am not up to the test, I know I am not up to any challenges right now. CELEBRATE! Celebrate my knowing how fragile this little glimpse of peace, health, happiness is. Celebrate that I did myself good. I wasn't the brave warrior. I Turned tail and ran in the opposite direction. Hooray. I did really different. I honestly don't know what to say to all of the people who are dealing with such devastating news. I am sorry. Dealing with lose of life has me feeling sad, helpless and hopeless. I feel like there is nothing that I can say that will change any of this and for that I am sorry. I am sorry that people feel grief. Duffis/Bob, Kizzer, I am sorry for what life has brought to you and the grief you must feel. I notice that I feel frustration at hearing people who fall and indulge in smoking. This frustration is really not about them it is about me. It is about how angry I can be at myself when I break my word to myself. Simply h

There have been a couple of amazing posts in the last day or so. Yes they are bumps and I am really glad of them. [url=http://www.stopsmokingcenter.net/support/viewmessages.aspx?forum=1&topic=26163]Quit Quit Quit Quit Quit[/url] [url=http://www.stopsmokingcenter.net/support/viewmessages.aspx?forum=1&topic=23030]This Will Help You[/url] Lady thank you for noticing and the warning about romanticizing. This has been one of the main reasons for not being able to maintain my quits in the past. Lesson Learned. One foot in front of the other. Trying is Dying Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 25 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 514 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $187.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 40 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21