Hello! Thanks for your message gal! So nice of you to offer ur support, u must tell me about some of your probs so I can do the same for you. The long and short of tonight was at about 6pm i decided to chicken out of my party. It wasn't a huge deal as id only arranged to go bowling with some friends and i called my close friends to let them know i was feeling rubbish. I slept the whole day until 5pm but kept waking up and panicking about that evening. I guess i am just not ready for a big social event. I've been doing so well that I would hate to ruin it by forcing myself to go out when i was just going to end up running home. I went for walk with my boyfriend and ended up in tears in the park cos i was so scared about going bowling, its so bizarre! Bowling is not a scarey activity at all! Well anyway, a few friends ended up coming over to see how I was as my boyfriend had told them i was not doing too well. I managed to have a few glasses of wine and a nice time in the end, even if it was round at my house instead of on the town. I felt glad that I had celebrated my birthday in some way. I just feel rubbish that I am now 25 and I'm sleeping all my days away because im just too scared to get up. I want to have a baby within the next 3 years as we want a huge family and i so badly want to get over my panic attacks. I am so so thankful for everyones support on this website as i can go check it when im feeling really awful and im always reassured by your comments. I'm going to try to get to bed early for the next week to see if that can help me. I seem to have an amazing capacity to sleep right now, I love love love my nice warm bed. My goal is, for my next birthday, to be well enought to have a great night out and to not worry for a second. I've given myself a whole year to achieve that but i hope to do it a lot sooner. Maybe by Christmas my life will have changed a lot. Here's hoping!

hey rowan WGT on get out of the house and getting somethings done for you!!! im proud of you!!! Keep up the great work and challange the thoughts you have when you get them!!! im sure you will do great at your party just remember threw all the times you made it out safe and nothing happened to you the attacks are bad believe me i know but in all sence none have ever hurt us!! as far as insomnia yes some meds have that effect you can look up the side effects to your meds and find out if it is i will pass i also have it just keep your head up sweetie and try to get to bed at the same time every night this will help if you cant go right off to sleep try reading a book this helps also well good luck with your party let us know how it goes keep smiling GAL

Thanks for your kind replies. I know I was in a major depressive mood right then when I posted, I have felt a little lighter since then. Once you start steps to recovering you feel like you want it all to happen at once as there is so much to look forward to but when you have a little setback you think it's all over and you'll never get better. I will persevere with the medication as I did read up on it after your comments and its normal to experience these dark thoughts when you first take it. I have been able to go and get my hair cut. I just steeled myself and walked in sat down and got it done. I loved it! I love my new haircut and it really put me in a good mood for a few hours. I was also able to go shopping on my birthday. ON MY OWN!!! I had a whale of a time. Its amazing, girls, what a little bit of retail therapy can do. I am dreading my party tomorrow night and feel sick at the thought of getting out and socializing but you're right, I need to go out and do things or i will sit in and dwell on things. Now that I am getting out and about more I have to face up to the fact that I need to get a job and get my life back on track. That is really hard! I have a question, does anyone suffer from insomnia due to their medication? I'm not sleeping until 5am every day then sleeping in til one or two as i really need to get enough sleep. It's making me feel really down and lazy though. Does anyone know if it is a common side effect? Thanks so much for your support!

Hi Rowan, I think you are in depressive mood. I know all that and have suffered it many times. What helped me was to go out, every day. Go out, only if you sit there and do nothing. I don't know if you are able to do that but go sunbathing or sunbed/tanning bed. I have to do that esp. in November and December - the sun and the warmth helps me to feel better. All the other thoughts can be traced back to your "depression". As soon as you get out of it and have made some good experiences with the Citalopram and the panik attacks you see everything in other light. I hope that I could help you a little bit + tomorrow we will celebrate your birthday here ;)

hi rowan i know just how you feel it seems to me when i first started taking meds i felt the very same way you are feeling and im not sure of the side effects of your meds but some my cause you to have bad thoughts i know i did!!! just think of how you felt going to that dinner doing some of these things you havent done in forever WOW what a great thought!! im very excited for you i also have begun to do things i havent done in years i went shopping with my mom today which i know i havent done in 2 years it was great we had a wonderful time!!! Just try not to dwell on the past and take it one day at a time the thing here is we can feel better although it is hard we can do it!!!! keep smiling girl it only gets better from here!!!! Gal

Dear Rowan, Thanks for sharing such insight into how you have been feeling lately. You have the right idea though - keep on with the program. Even little steps can be very empowering. Be proud that you are making an effort to gain control over how you have been feeling. Continue to keep us posted on your progress. We look forward to hearing from you again soon. Casey ___________________________________ The Panic Center Support Team

Hello! Forgive me for posting so much on these boards the last week but I'm so chuffed to find somewhere to vent my feelings after years of having noone to talk to that truly understands what its like. I described in my last message how I've just been put on Citalopram for my chronic anxiety and panic attacks and I've been taking those for 9 days now. I'm feeling a lot lot less anxious and have been able to see friends, go out to the shops and even went for a meal this evening and had a glass of wine which is something a fortnight ago I wouldn't have dreamed of doing. I guess I was viewing this medication as the answer to my problems, in a way its been great but I wanted to have a real moan about something else. Now that I'm not in a constant state of terror and panic I am looking at my life for the first time clearly in years and to put it bluntly it sucks. I feel so low and depressed. I just do not see the point in anything at all. I was watching tv today and some adverts came on and I saw these people eating a bowl of rice in a nice kitchen with their family around them and I just thought what are you people doing? I used to have fun getting dressed up, now I look at my clothes and think go away, i hate you, you bore me. I used to love eating now I think oh god do I have to eat right now, do I have to cook three meals a day, what a bore. I haven't been able to get a proper job for 2 years since I left Uni due to my anxiety and now I'm applying for these jobs thinking what a waste of time, I wont get one. I'm sat at home all day tinkering away on my computer, smoking a million cigarettes and i cant remember when I last washed my face or brushed my teeth. Im up til 3am every day doing absolutely nothing and I sleep all the next day or watch videos. Its my birthday on thursday and I'm gonna be 25. All I can think of is oh my god I can't be bothered with a party, I dont want any presents, I dont want a fuss I dont want anyone to acknowlege it and my parents are calling me up saying what do you want to do for your birthday and it breaks my heart that I couldnt give a monkeys. I feel like im in a giant hole and i dont have the strength to fight it anymore. The anxiety was at least something I could concentrate on and keep occupied with and use as an exc