Thanks for your input, Angel. My mind is calm, and as you read in my Success Stories post I have been getting out and took a long car trip to spend Thanksgiving with the family. It's simply that even before agoraphobia set in I didn't care to attend gatherings of the extended family, and I don't see the point in going to an event I don't want to attend just to prove something to people. Just once I'd like to be allowed to enjoy my holidays the way I want, like other people do, without being pressured to pass some test. As it turns out, I made the right decision. My mother went without me and from what she says it doesn't sound like there would've been room for me in the car anyway (it was a Camaro and my cousin's wife and child were also in the car). My mother was shaken up because my cousin was speeding like crazy. I doubt that would've been a good experience for me. Moreover, it doesn't sound like I missed much. It was really a gathering for my aunt and her sons and grandkids. I love them, but when they get together they're very loud. She will probably stop by tomorrow night for our Christmas Eve gathering here at home and I'll see her then. Actually, we threw a Christmas dinner party here last Saturday for just the adults in the family which she attended and I thought that was to be our Christmas visit, but then this invitation came along. Anyway, I was able to make use of the time cleaning the house for tomorrow's party and got a lot done. As to the kids in the neighborhood, I think I have an idea who it was and we've had trouble from them before as have the other neighbors. They're the type that throws things at passing cars, and you never know what they'll do next. They don't stop at just words. I just try not to make eye contact.

Hi Sue, First thing I want you to do is take a DEEP BREATH, relax, and calm your mind. Do not even let those kids get to you. First of all, kids these days have no sense of morals, and manners. I cannot begin to describe the rudeness that I have seen nowadays...its disgusting. So please, do not take anything they say personally. No its NOT you. ITS THEM, they are just rude and they think its 'cool' to do these things. Simply ignore them. You are like me, you care a lot what others say or think about you. Well, we really need to stop being paranoid about 'others will think.' We are not here to live for others.....you are here to live for you. Just ignore and move foward. Because YOU know who you are, and you know you are not a 'prostitute' or whatever they said to you. Dont let their silliness ruin your day. Plz, just think positive! Second of all, i understand your feelings towards going to your aunts house. Yes its frustrating. Yes you feel horrible and embarrassed for not going. Yes you feel like screaming at everyone who keeps asking you to go. I knowwwwwww the feeling. I have been there, done that, and sometimes still do that! But all in all, I really think that one day you should go. Remember, the more you avoid, the more you will regret it. It will feel good in the short run, but you will feel guilty later on. I dont know how far you are in the program, but they teach you to use these experiences as part of your exposure work. Its a great opportunity to do that! If you do decide to go, you must remember that no matter how horrible the anxiety/panic will make you feel, NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. You have been there and done that a million times, and nothing happened right? Yes, i do understand that its hard because your aunt does not know your situation. I totally agree with that, cause i'm like that too. But maybe there is nothing wrong with telling her you are simply not feeling that well and you need to stop and get some fresh air for a bit. Thats totally normal, she will not suspect a thing. I really wish all the best for you. Plz let me know what you decided to do. Dont beat yourself up cause of this. I know that eventually you will do this. And one day you will not even think twice ;) Think positive and believe in yourself. You

I guess I'm doing okay, although my mother asked me again today for the umpteenth time if I'm going to my aunt's house tomorrow. It drives me crazy when she and her sister refuse to accept that "no" doesn't mean "please, please talk me into it." After thinking about it some more, I think I know who those boys were. I think they're the same kids who cussed out my mother in the street a few years ago when she didn't say "hello" fast enough for their liking. It's one boy in particular, but the kids who live across the street from us hang out with him and I think I saw one of them in that group the other day. If that's the case at least I know it's not just me, and it wasn't because of what I looked like. They harrass everybody. It just stinks that these kids can turn a nice suburban neighborhood into a place where you dread being on the street. There ought to be a law against lousy parenting.

Hi Sue, Just wondering how you are doing today? I know it has been a few hours since you last posted. Hopefully you found sharing these thoughts here helpful. Posting and sharing your thoughts and experiences with people who understand what you are going through can be very beneficial. It is unfortunate that such inconsiderate words of others can have such a profound effect. Please let us know how you are doing. Casey _______________________________________ The Panic Center Support Team

Lately I've been getting out of the house more by walking to the neighborhood stores, getting things in preparation for the holidays. Yesterday as I left my house a large group of boys in their early teens passed me on their bikes and I heard one of them shout out "P-p-p-prostitute!" I told myself to ignore it because he may have been talking about someone else or talking to one of the girls who were rolling along with them on rollerblades. Later on the way home I passed this group again, and as I entered their field of vision I heard "Hey, prostitute!" They came around the corner and were riding on the other side of the median, and I heard a whistle. I looked directly at them this time and saw one of the boys noticed and said "hello." I asked "Are you calling me a prostitute or are you talking to someone else?" He just answered "[i]I[/i] didn't say that." As they went on he kept an eye on me over his shoulder (I think he thought I was trying to follow them). Now there are a lot of things I get anxiety about, but when it comes to people I'm not usually shy about speaking up for myself. I was so angry by the time I got home, and to add insult to injury my mother suggested that my long hair made him think I was a prostitute. I spent the rest of the night angry and obsessing about why I was branded a prostitute. I was wearing frumpy old clothes that weren't the least bit provocative, so it wasn't that. By the time I went to bed I was so upset about it that I had to indulge in a brief cry. I kept obsessing, wondering if this is something all the neighborhood kids say about me. What if they spread this rumor around the neighborhood? What if they noticed that I don't go out and work during the day and decided that I must be making money through prostitution? Of course now it sounds silly and paranoid, but in the middle of the night these thoughts were really haunting me. I only got 4 hours of sleep, but when I woke up in the light of day I decided it was unlikely that the neighborhood kids even give me a second thought. I just hate that some kid's harrassment could have such power over me. It was the way he said it, like he was spilling the beans about my secret life and "prostitute" was my new name. I didn't go out today, and I know I want