Hi Josie, yes I somewhat calmed myself. I took the dogs for a short walk before the rain and I took my pill and had a talk with my Aunt, she is the one person that has been wonderful too me {within my family} concerning this and I took a short nap and it helped. I am trying to put this day behind me and go forward and think positive tommorow will be much better. I fell apart today and I feel badly but I am going pick up the pieces and try to go forward and put today aside and go on.
Davit, I re-read you're post several times and I think I understand now. I am so busy thinking that I am letting everyone else down my progress is slower than it should be and you are right, I had a horrible panicky day and I got so caught up in feeling the "guilt" of what everyone else thinks and thought it made it worse, I have to STOP thinking what this is doing too my husband and think of me, that is going to be difficult but I guess it will have too be, my friend made a comment a few months ago that kept ringing in my ears I guess she said "you really dragged you're family down with this condition of you'res" and yeah that hurt that stung, I have prayed to forgive her she does not understand panic and the hell is can be, or depression so she does not know, but I guess that comment stayed with me, she did not need to tell me how I hurt my family I knew that already, I dont think I ever "hurt" them really, the only one I hurt was me with my scary irrational thoughts, they pretty much went on and lived thier own lives, but what you said really hit home, its bad enough with the condition but the guilt has too go!
I think I started obsessing about the new year today, worried that it would be like the last year and I got scared and yes I know that was very negative, I stopped living in the moment as I have tried to do these last few months. I think I realize when I try to turn a positive in too a negative I have to believe it not just think it, CBT is hard but worth it to get my life back.
You have helped many Davit, including me, you got better to help others and you have. Thank you.