Great hearing from you :)  No problem, you're never too late for me :)  I'm going to see how it goes with Irene, the next time we're supposed to meet.  To be honest, if she stands me up for a third time, then I'm just going to send her a polite email saying that our schedules seem to clash and I wish her well and not agree to meet again.  If she persists, I'll just continue to say I'm busy.  She's supposed to know her schedule for next week, today, so if I don't hear from her with a time and day, I'm just going to drop contact, because it's gone beyond ridiculous.  

George may be laid off at the end of March and we will know by March 16th (I think they've pushed this lay off continually for going on 3 years now).  So, I'm not sure what will transpire.  We may end up back in Florida, temporarily living with my parents, if he can't find work in this area.  Then I'll have to start a new thread, Shari's Second Move :)  This time I won't have a choice to move back to Maryland.  Since George's Mother had passed, he received a little money that could help us move, even if we remain in the area.  To be honest, with the neighbor burning garbage (the odor seeps in, even with the wood burning stove flue closed), I'd like to move to a quieter area if I can get George to agree.  That's the hard part, I can't control him, I can only control myself.  So, regardless of what happens, I know I will handle it and adjust my attitude properly to whatever my future circumstances may be.  I'll keep you posted on that too.

Shari 

Hi Shari,

Sorry for being late on this discussion!

It looks like you have already received some great advice. Let us know what you decide to do and what happens.

 

 

 

Thanks for your encouraging response and kind words :)  I really appreciate you! 

Shari

You blow my mind by showing up, and putting yourself out there, so Yay for you! You are an encouragement to me. If she doesn't show up again, I would consider it her loss. Not many people would keep trying like you have. 

Just read your response in your other thread.  Thanks for the kind words.

Shari 

I'll check out Toastmasters   Good luck to you too in 2013!  Again, sorry for the comment on your other thread.  Even the best of comedians hear crickets every once in awhile 

Shari

Hi Shari,

That person who made that comment about not working was rude.  Women have important skills that I can't yet fathom.  Multi-tasking, although I don't believe in the term, maybe "blending" activities is one of them.  This is something I've learned from cooking, since one has to optimize the time for similar or unrelated activities.

 

As for knowing what day it is, the opthamologist of one of our largest hospitals in the nation asked himself that yesterday, after he performed secondary cataract surgery, following showing us the Ipad image of the theory, in his office.  I didn't make a sarcastic remark, since it would be rude.

 

It takes more to be kind, than to be an uncivilized person, doesn't it?

 

If I wanted to be more assertive, I'd join a debating club, or a speaking group, but I've contributed substantially to society, done my volunteer work in the community, cub scouts, church, etc. 

 

Shari, if you're looking for that skill improvement, see if Toastmasters has a chapter in your city?  They are international.  I just find that like choirs, they have trouble finding members.  I was more assertive during my stint with Toastmasters, and their program has many streams, and you'd be surprised what they could offer. 

 

Good luck in 2013 - hard to believe we're there 

 

 

I have a history of being kind and a giver, and taken advantage of.   I think controlling and domineering people and takers see the sucker sign on my forehead a mile away   Initially, I was just going to write her off and not give her a chance.  My daughter thought that I could go for coffee, for me, and get to know her and if she turns out to be a person I don't want to be friends with, then I can write her off.  I read a book recently stating that when we don't know people, we fill in the blanks erroneously, with the limited information we have about them.  I'm not making excuses for her, I think she could have handled it better, by telling me upfront that she has to schedule her time around teleconferences.  That would have saved me some grief.  But, she could honestly be unaware of that flaw, or so busy, she just didn't think to say it.  As Davit said, she may not be aware of her own baggage she's carrying around.  I'm sure I'm unaware of my own as well.  George said maybe she's unorganized.  I said, she's an Event Planner, she has to be organized.  He said, maybe she's not the one in charge of making appointments   Hugs, like you, I always think of something snappy to say about 3 hours later   One time I was at the store getting pictures developed (before the wonderful world of digital cameras) and I asked the customer next to me if she knew the date.  She looked at me and said, you don't work, do you.  I was dumbfounded.  She was slamming me for being a housewife.  I came up with a good comeback later, I should have replied, I work, I just don't get paid for it.  Oh well.  It's true you show people how to treat you, by allowing them to treat you poorly.  I'm hoping this is not the case with Irene.  If she constantly cancels without notice, then I'm not up for that.  I read another book where the author said that I am worthy and I shouldn't have to try to sell my worthiness to other people, because they're not your true friends.  So, I'm up for giving it a shot and I'll know sooner or later if I want to be friends with this person.  If I cut it off now, I'll never know, because I judged her ahead of time, based on limited information about her.  I'd rather base my decision on fact not assumption 

Shari

Shari,

I just wish I was more assertive.  I always have a better answer later.  I might say to Irene "I'll see you but I won't hold my breath".

 

Do these people ever get the message, though?  Or is it me?  Maybe that's what neurosis is, doing the same thing over and over and over

Shari,

 

People can be so frustrating at times! I think some people take loyalty for granted, and maybe she is taking advantage of the fact you will always be there. One thing I guess you have to consider is, if you were to become closer friends, would it always be this way? Will you always come off second best with her? She doesn't sound very trustworthy.

The other advice you have been given is a great idea, remove yourself from the equation and you're less likely to feel hurt :) Your happiness is important, and sometimes you have to work out when to let go.

Kaitie.