I understand that diagnosis of depression might be hard for you to accept- but you say that you have no control over it. You also would have no control over a diagnosis of a thyroid condition either. Depression is a mood disorder that is caused by a chemical imbalance. And you do have some control over it. You can go to therapy, you can exercise, you can keep a journal- there are many things you can do to help yourself along with taking meds. I have suffered from depression for many years and i have had to learn to accept that it is an illness like any other. Please take care of yourself and remember we are always here to talk.

Dearest Ti shaak, I very sorry for you after reading your story. However,you do not have a mental disease. Depression is a mood disorder. But I wonder why we have such a hard time with that. So, you are a person with a mood disorder, would it be different if you had indeed something wrong physically wrong with you and you were a person with a physical disorder. Would that make all your feelings, problems, stuggles legitimite in some way?? Besides Ti shaak, I did not say that if you have a headache, you take a pill as well and you will feel better. A headache is something that will probably pass quickly, I was talking about a life-threatening problem, like high blood pressue, high cholesterol, diabetics. In that respect a mood disorder is no different. I understand you feel bad, very bad. Accepting that you have no control over this thing is indeed very hard. But it is the first step to admit to yourself that having a mood disorder is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You are not a lesser person because of it. You are not crazy. Please stop fighting it. Please take all the shoulds out of your life around this thing. Depression may be a chemical imbalance in the brain, but I feel it gets worse if we start to judge ourselves for feeling the way we do. If we fight it, it will get stronger. I read more of your posts. You seem to be a very strong, smart, sensitive and loving person. Use all these qualities on yourself and live day by day. I wish you all the best. Hang in there and remember whatever you are feeling: this too will pass.

I have a question and I hope that some of you will come by and share your thoughts. This week has been like a roller coaster. I felt really nice highs this week. Had a lot of positive things happening. ON thursday I had a doctors appointment to discuss with him the final results of some tests (from a physical exam I had the previous week). Even coming here ( to the support group) BEFORE getting those results I was beginning to accept that I could be depressed - why I've been holding back is beyond me. I still expected him (hoping)that he'd have a result that pointed to something else. I felt incredibly anxious, uncontrolably nervous and wishing he'd hurry up and see me. When he came in everything seemed to take forever except that I could feel my blood racing - my pulse getting higher. Iwanted to know but I alerady knew he'd say that horrible sentence. "well, all the tests came back normal and you seem to be fine. [b]there's nothing wrong with you[/b]" he continued to say that my kidneys are working fine, my cholesterol level is fine, and I swear I heard his voice going further and further as I couldn't control my tears and emotions. I broke down. d*mn it. I really wanted it to be my thyroid. I wanted it to be something else. Even though I know what this is, I wanted it to be something else. the doctor seemed to not know what to do with me. his assistant said immediately, "should I get a zoloft starter pack?" and it looked like I was an emergency now because before, when they were moving at a turtle's pace. Now, they were moving at the speed of light to get me water and kleenex. They gave me my instructions, they told me how to take them. The assistant was more HUMAN than the doctor who said that if I needed to go back for any reason I should. The doctor just seemed to want to ship me out of there. I was shaking - thank goodness I didn't have to pay a **** thing because I couldn't even control my hands to write a check. I sat in my car and cried for 30 minutes. I remembered what someone on this support group said to accept what I was feeling. So I cried, but I felt like I had given up the fight - or that the fight was decided for me - I had no control. I was fighting this all along and that moment made me feel like...I