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overanalyzing

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Matman,

Welcome to the forums and how are you today?

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 30

Thanks Ashley, you've been a great help. I feel better today. Although I have the same thoughts and feelings, they're not as intense. However, I remember having the same thought processes before this past shinanagan (or whatever else it's called) happened and even during. I guess it's quite a bit of anxiety too, but definately a little bit out of both. I remember her telling me a few times that I was nice guy, at the time I thought she was trying to convince herself of that, or she was building up to let me down later on. Turns out that's what it was. She said that I wasn' t fake, turns out she was. I know this isn' t a forum for bashing people, so I'll leave it at that. But, for me the agage "nice guys finish last" is true and I'll just have to learn to live with it.

I had my first good laugh at work for a long time and I am looking forward to work tomorrow because we have a big hearing coming up in the morning and my mom is bringing our dogs in at the end.

I know what I need to do, as right now is one of my better times in the past while. I need to keep busy and think rewarding thoughts about doing even the smallest thing. And pick something to look forward to every day. That's what I need to do, I just need to change my thinking to motivate myself to do that. The only thing was, whatever girl I was going out with (I've been out with a lot for my standards and rejected a lot in the past year) I looked forward so much to the next time I saw her, that' s all I built myself up for and then when I got (and still get) rejected, I feel like I have nothing else. Maybe, I am getting into the overanalyzing again.

Although the thing I've been lied to about pales in comparison to other things you can be lied to about in life, the blow feels 10 times harder.

Matt.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 11226

Matman,

I'm sorry about what happened. I'm glad you understand that this is not about you. For some reason she feels that this is important to her. It is good that she has the drive to follow what she thinks will make her happy and its good that you found out sooner rather than later. She withheld information because she felt it was the best thing to do. Part of her motivation for not telling you could have been because she didn't want to hurt you. It is completely natural to feel angry but don't feel stupid, there is no way you could have known she was taking another job.

I am glad you are doing your best to distract yourself. With time she will just be a memory in the mean time you are doing exactly what you should be; talking about it and keeping busy. Never consider yourself a whiner for talking about something that is bothering you. Talking is probably one of the healthiest coping mechanism out there, so keep posting!

I think talking to a professional would be a good idea. It will depend completely on your workplace on how much money they will cover. I would look into it.

Have any other members been through similar instances, or instances where they were lied to? Advice? stories?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 30

Thanks for the responses. They've been helpful.

Unfortunately, I got blindsided by this girl last night and she dumped me, but for no reason of my own. The storey was, she accepted an internship position that's like a 5 hour or so drive away from me, about a month ago when I first met her, but she never told me about it until last night. She said she didn' t want to string me along until she has to leave in September for this position, at risk of me getting really attached to her. But, that doesn' t make what she did any less wrong. She had every chance to tell me about this and she didn' t. I was pretty pissed off, when she called me last night to tell me this, I picked up the first thing off the table, which was a plate and threw it at the wall. I would never hrut anybody and although I've had thoughts of hurting myself in the past, I have enough rationality in me to stop myself from doing that. I feel so stupid, angry, lied to. She had a decent job too, but now she's throwing it away to join this sort of commune. She said it was her dream to go into this program and there' s a chance of it leading to something, although the chances of it are low and there is no pay with this position she is taking. I would understand if she was like 20 or 21, but this woman is turning 30 next month, it's time for her to get her life together. It just baffles me why she would do this. She seemed like she had it all together, but it turns out she doesn' t. I also thought I was the immature one- that was a complete opposite too.

I told my mom about this, how I feel and she had kind words for me, but she also doesn' t have any experience with phsychology or depression. Whether I am clinacally depressed or not, I don' t exactly know because I've never actually formerlly seen anyone, but I have thought about it from time to time, just never followed through. I realize this isn' t a relationship forum and I probably seem like a whinner to everybody on here, but it's the same thoughts in my head that I am afraid of affecting me in other areas of my life. I've been analyzing it constantly and that's why I am still posting in the "overanalyzing" thread.

I realize that my problems are nothing like some of the other peoples' on this forum and I am not trying to compare, like comparing apples and oranges. I went out for a bike ride tonight, felt better while doing it and feel like I at least did something productinve woth myself, but I still have the same feelings and thoughts as I always have- even before this thing with the woman started. I am afraid that the feelings will intensify later on too.

Like I said before, I thought about talking to a professional about this, I mean, it couldn' t hurt. I may just need someone other than my parents and who has experience in this field, who I can express my feelings to. At the same time, I realize therepists cost a lot of money, so I am wondering how much health benefits programs through workplaces usually cover for this type of thing.

Thanks,

Matt.

and I am sorry if this is off topic or if I went on a rant.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 12049

matman,

Welcome and thanks for sharing with us. There are members that do know where you are coming from, so please continue to post with us for support and understanding. Communication is key and this can help with your relationship and moving it toward a more positive avenue.

Take the time to look through the program and gain some knowledge about depression and the many aspects it contains.

Ask questions and let us listen.

Josie, Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 456

hi Matmat.

Welcome.

I have a question... all these things you think she thinks of you

... has she said anything? Girls usually like to talk and show feelings so if she has taken you to the parents and the friends and the extended family... it is might because she sees you as being a serious part of her future.

If she kissed you she does not see you as her younger brother!

I have two handsome cousins that I grew up with -like brothers; as babies we shared bathwater- and I have no desire to kiss them ... even when I am hypomanic (oh I am bipolar).

Matman, what you are probably feeling is a bunch of anxiety we all feel when we start a new relationship. There is the excitement of discovering a new person. There are a bunch of new sensations, because no two people make us react in exactly the same way to things...

And as you said this is new territory for you, courting! Relationships are difficult at the best of times but if you are now a young adult with the experience of a teen, I can see why you would second guess some of your choices. But you know, you are an intelligent young man with a way with words. I am sure that the young lady in question has not even thought to question you. So give yourself some room to learn and grow.

And here are questions you have not mentioned... maybe the lady is afraid she is an old hag that is out of shape and will never be up-to-par for you! Maybe she is afraid of exposing herself to you and you will judge her as harshly as she judges herself (of you judge yourself???). Remember you are thinking for her now but she might be thinking for you too!!! and you might be intimidating!

**younger good looking (athletic) gentleman

**good education, intelligent went through school in a relatively short time

**found employment in difficult times, ??? mmm connected, charming,

All relationships are based on commuication. So take the time to talk about how to feel to the young lady. Ask her how she feels, is she comfortable with you? Does she see something special in you? Ask her what you need to know to help sooth your anxiety.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 30

Again, sorry about the long post. I didn' t realize this site cut me off for too many words with the last one, so this is the rest of my intended post, there is some over lap at the beginning though.

she dropped me off at my place last night, but I realized that I forgot my apartment key at home a 1.5 hour drive away and I didn' t have a spare key. So, I used my new girlfriend' s cell phone to call home and get my mom to drive up the key to me (I got spare keys cut today, btw). All day I've been thinking that she now views me as a few years older version of her immature (22 year old) brother, or that she' s my babysitter because I am always forgetting things (I forgot a pair of shoes in her car too). I also feel like she'll view me as a sex addict who wants me to get her in bed right away. I invited her up to my parent' s cottage for the May 2-4 week-end, but she'll think that if we are staying up there that means we are sleeping together (or at least she thinks that' s what I believe). I don' t think that at all, but I also beleive that sleeping in the same bed together is different than actual "sex" or even sexual acts, plus I am not going to try a game of whoppy with my parents in the same room- embarassing!

I am allways the guy who says something stupid, or tries to say something nice, but it comes out wrong. I've probably said enough stupid, (although petty things) this week-end that she'll think I am an idiot and just not good enough for her. We've had a few heart-to-heart talks, but she'll think I am not relationship material, or relationship with her material. She's calling me tomorrow night. she' s working late tonight. But, when she calls, I feel like it will be to break it off with me.

I am even starting to think that I am not good enough for her and I don' t deserve her. Maybe I should break it off, I don' t want to waste her time or mine, but then again I do owe it to myself to give it a shot. I sound like an un-confident whinner.

I know I over analyze things and that's what my mom says, but she tries to give me the "tough love" pep talk and I say okay, I guess, thank her for the words, but the more I talk to her, the more I feel stupid.

I am also in a bit of financial trouble right now with a credit card and I told this new girl about it and I probably shouldn' t have revealed that information right away. The problem is, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, so it' s hard for me to hide them and once a thought gets into my head or something is bugging me, I spill it out.

Sorry about the long post, and this is probably something that should go in a dating thread, I sound like a whinny kid, but the root of the problem is that I over analyze and the thought process that contributes to that. If it' s not something about a girl, it' s something else. Can someone offer me advice about how I could break the habit of my over analyzing. I realize it will take time, but any adive is helpful. Over thinking everything and feeling down is not the way I want to live my life. The other posts on here have been good.

Matt

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 30

Hi y'all. I am new to this site. My name is Matt by the way, I am 25. This is my first time posting. I appologize if I ramble on here.

I start at the beginning. I finished university at 23- 4 year bachelor' s degree and landed a job in Muskoka, Ontario' s cottage country. The job is good and I live in a nice apartment close to work. I've gone to having almost constant contact while living at home with my parents to living alone for the past year and a half. I've never had a serious relationship and went through high school and university not having many girlfriends, or the ones I did have lasted for only a few weeks. Part of my inexperience with relationships is because I kind of shut myself out as I used to race moutnain bikes seriously. Training and racing, along with school left little room for a relationship and the pool of girls, who were into biking as much as me and who would accept me despite my addiction to the sport, was small. I allways thought that I was the kind of guy who would give what time he could to his girlfriend (if I had a girlfriend), but also take time for myself, just work the biking into the relationship.

So, my feelings of depression (albeit mild, I guess) started last summer. I just got out of my first sexual relationship (I am a late bloomer that way), short lived, but she had some maturity issues to deal with, so I broke it off. that was in the spring. Over the summer, I just felt more and more alone and that I would never find anyone. I had episodes where I would cry for no reason, I stopped doing the things I used to enjoy (i.e. biking) and I tried talking to my mom, but the more I talked to her, the more I felt stupid (my mom' s a very special lady, but I don' t think she understands depression or my thought process).

Fast forward to the present, after a few dates with various girls over the winter I had that went sour, I met a really nice girl off an online dating site. Iam 25, she' s 29. We went to a party at her granny's house this past week-end (granny's on vacation for the month), she met my parents (parents really like her, she likes them) and the week-end went well. I sept over for the night, but we slept in different beds. She's said a few times that she doesn' t want to rush into things sexually and I understand that. I don' t want her to think that I am trying to force her to do something she doesn' t think we are ready for. We had a couple of make-out sessions when the company at the party wasn' t looking and it was good. I don' t want sex right away because I am afriad that won' t perform well enough anyway, but I am a touchy-feely and kissy kind of guy and I love contact, probably more than she does.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

I'm gad to hear that your trip went well!

In terms of the sessions, that makes sense. Work your way through, you'll get there.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hiya,

This reply is going to be short as I answered the other thread. I just wanted to say I am glad you managed to make your trip enjoyable and that you did not strangle the hubby

. I am glad you are feeling calmer.

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