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for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 63

thank you Pete.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

It's fine to say you're scared. It's fine to feel scared.

What a wonderful, precious friend you have. Who obviously loves you deeply, and you deserve that love.

Keep strong if you can - and you know you're strong inside, three-daughters-and-a-husband-strong (that's mighty strong).

I've got no wisdom, but I can send you my support and best wishes, so that's what I'm doing......

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 63

I'm scared.

Is it okay to say that?

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 63

Pete, remember that letter? here is the rest of it. Thought it important.....
Hey friend,
Well my friend, if you remember just before I got in my car Monday morning, I told you to let me know if something came up....even last minute....cause that was okay. Maybe you didn't know it at the time but I figured it was a possibility. AND IT'S OKAY!!!!!!!!!! I know what a crappy week it has been for you. Besides, I asked them if they had any plans to move the Lake and smash up the "Dolly" into firewood and they assured me it will still be there another day! So fear not.
You or anyone else can only force so much from yourself. And you are so right about sleep and how important it is for good health. And I'm an 8-9 hr girl myself which some would say is lazy. Wish there was a magic pill. Say, why don't we get together, form an LLC, come up with that magic pill, save the world, get stinking rich and go down in the history books???? LOL
Perhaps God was interrupted when He was adding your chemicals and then He decided.............let's just go ahead and give this kind, generous, caring soul a challenge since she is to be a leader and teacher for her own daughters. Now I'll give her the tools she needs (Docs, meds, friends, loved ones, etc) to overcome the challenge and see if she takes advantage of those tools. I know I gave her intelligence and determination so I know she will be alright. I wonder if she knows it's okay to stumble and I will catch her if she falls?
How did you like my "God imitation"? Hope it didn't offend.
Please don't think you were being difficult and pitiful cause that's not what I think. I know I've mentioned Jana and her difficulties but I don't want you to think that being her friend is a burden because it isn't. Sometimes I just don't know how to help her. The same is true for you. I don't pity either one of you (you 2 are very different as well), however I do have compassion for your suffering and a desire to ease what I can. Please try not to be so hard on yourself cause you know there's tons of people out there willing to give you crap so you don't need to help them out.
So for now my weary friend, since you stood me up on the Lake (I'M JUST KIDDING!!!!!!) do me a favor............please try to focus on the husband that loves you very much; bright and strong (daughter#1) (with her weekly butt crack view); (daughter#2) and the true princess she is; and beautiful little (daughter#3)'s smiles and innocence. And realize that none of that would be possible without YOU.
God gave me a certain amount of determination too...........give up, what's that? Hope you don't think all these words are just a pep talk. I just have opinions and they just pop right out of my mouth so I guess having to listen to said opinions is what comes with my friendship.
Don't worry about me. I never have to look too far for something to do. Call or email if you like. Take care,
B

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Lost:

Hope all goes/went well with your new therapist. I'm cheering for you.

I agree about Goofy. She has tremendous insight and wisdom. Every time I post I look forward to her response and when it comes I invariably gain something from it. I don't know how she does it - I always feel bad when I can't respond to people's posts with words of insight.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 63

Goofy,

You are wonderful for reading all the random posts on here and offering your insightful thoughts. I don't know how you do it. Half the time I can't evern find where I wrote my post in the firtst place.

I have a meeting this morning then to see a BRAND NEW therapist.

I don't (at the moment) feel as desperate as I did yesterday but I am anxious to have my questions answered. I know, they won't all be answered or at least not with the way I want them to be, but at least I am going to ask. Wish me luck.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Lost,

I can totally relate to the latter part of your post. I'm not insightful - I was there. I understand. You will gain insight into your self and to your condition as you work through the program. Take your time, be thorough and ask the moderators if you have questions. Post about what's happening, how you feel and anything else you want to post on.

The other thing I want to address is family not understanding about depression. I can totally relate to that as well. My son just didn't understand at all and was in denial about it. I provided him with information off some very good sites, one is NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). It has information for family members on how they can "help" a family member with any type of mental illness. I don't think I understand totally what it would be like to have diabetes or heart disease, though I can relate to the long term aspects, that is about as far as I can go. However, I can learn more about how to help a family member and understand what they are going through.

My son fiddled around with the material I gave him, read a bit here and there, questioned me some and after a while came to at least understand parts of it and implemented the aspects that he could help with. It's quite humbling to need that from my son, but I am thankful that he is very supportive of me and took the time (eventually) to understand.

There are tests that can be done PET scans and other types of brain scans. Most insurances won't pay for them and they really don't reveal any more than what a psychiatrist is trained to know from his medical training (I recently thoroughly questioned my pdoc about this). He explained what is probably going on in my prefrontal lobe cortex....yah yah yah. And what the brain scan would show with my diagnosis. So far, no blood tests to show about neurotransmitters.

Don't underestimate your insight and know that it is there - you know how you feel - RE: your comments on being broke and tired. I can relate and it does get better. Keep on working at it.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 63

i'm just not as insight ful as others.

Last night my husband asked me (because he TOTALLY doesn't understand) How I know I am depressed.... Is there a test with concrete results to say that my seritonin is this or that and other chemicals are arye? Or did I just buy into the fact that some one (a health care provider) told me I'm depressed and gave me a pill and I convinced myself that that made me better.

I don't believe he was trying to be a jerk because I do totally feel loved by him. But it made me question everything a bout myself and why am I the way I am. and really if he thinks I'm just full of crap, how can I feel safe trying to share how I feel with him?

But I can't tell him that because he'll just get mad and say that's one more reason why he doesn't tell me anything because I get mad about it. or tell him he's wrong... which i didn't do, i just didn't agree with him

It's all very stupid and I know i'm not making sense and I just want to go to sleep so that's what I'm going to do.

I'm glad that you all are getting better. I so wish I had the strngth and courage and desire to do the same. I just don't want to think about it anymore because for some reason I am broken and I didn't just break now. I broke a long time ago and I'm tired and tired and tired and sorry.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Strength, I can relate to most of what you are saying. In my recent crash and burn episode that I'm still crawling out of the charred mess - I had my bouts of private emotional outbursts (translates to uncontrollable crying seemingly over nothing). Well, I got out my journal and I started writing after I finally quit crying and I remembered things that flashed through my mind as I cried. I don't think I'd realized that I really did have things going on that I was crying about - I always thought it was just over nothing- just feeling bad - not being able to put a finger on anything. But when these things popped into my head, I could then put an emotion to them.

i.e. picturing mom and dad in their caskets (obviously feeling grief) need to work on that.

my son - some role transition there, due to parents recent deaths, he's assumed some responsibilities that a parent my age shouldn't need and he's got a new family and has to deal with depression issues wth me (guilt, embarassed, ashamed) need to work on that too.

I came up with a major list - I couldn't believe how long it was. I'm taking it to my therapist on Thursday. I mean I got rid of alot of negative core beliefs when I worked through the sessions the first time. I'm going again, because I think new issues arise, new negative beliefs surface, new issues occur which create negative beliefs.

One more thing - I've been following along on Samantha, moderators, post re: Role transition and The stress response and role transition.

I think everyone should take a really good look at these and give them some thought. I read the one dated 11/9/ after I got through my last uncontrollable crying spell and I'm like "ah ha". I went back and red the other one, and another "ah haaaa".

so ah haaaa ah haaaa ah haaaa and I hope you all have many.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 217

lost,

Sometimes there is nothing harder in the world than figuring out what you are feeling. For me it's often an mix of so many things that to explain it in words is just not fathomable. For me I have found that it is important to get to the root of the bad feelings and to make a plan of action to take control of it. If I recognize that there still are a few things that I have control over it makes me feel much more grounded. I don't know if this makes sense. Music helps too!

Strength

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Your top 3 list- 3 favourite quotes