i will try to learn to respect myself, but that just sounds so weird saying like thats not me? why wouldnt i respect myself? do i really come off that way? i mean how did i get this far, this bad? i know one thing for sure and thats lifes to short to spend it like this, but its the lack of i guess its self respect to stand up for myself. and i know if i state my opinion or contradict anything he says it will only end in worse heart ache for me. he makes everything out to be my fault. for example, last night i only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. we watched a movie together (which i found out he only does out of pitty and just so i dont b**** about him playing his game all the time. he thinks that by watching a movie together will satisfy my need for emotional, physical,and overall needs that you generally get from a normal relationship in a 2 hour long movie where we dont speak.)anyway 3/4 into the movie we end up falling to sleep together which is the greatest feeling because he just holds me and i rest my head on him and its just nice, but rare. well i woke up and the movie was over and it was already midnight and i had to be at work at 7:00am, so i try and get him to come to bed, but hes not budging, so i leave him and go to bed. about 30 min goes by and he comes to bed. he tosses and turns and wakes me up saying he cant sleep, so i rub his back and do all the things i know will make him sleepy until i am just falling asleep myself and just as i dose off he gets up and says will it bother you if i get on the computer? he knows it does because it is right next to the bed and its so bright and so loud i cant sleep, so i tell him it will. so he does it anyway, by this time i am furious. i try to go to sleep but cant so i then ask him if he heard what i had said thinking that maybe he just didint hear. his response is, "you sure can be b****hy sometimes." this outrages me more than anything when he referes to me as a b****. all i wanted to do was sleep. mondays are the most busiest days for me at work and he knows that, yet he doesnt mind keeping me up till 3:30 in the morning. and i am the b****hy one how does that work out will someone please explain? i just dont get it no matter what the circumstance he is always never in the wrong and i am always th

Down and out, You have a lot to offer the world. Life will work out for you because you have a talent and a passion. You sound like you are going in the right direction but are being manipulated into a person that you do not like. You have to make a decision right now as to how YOU want to live life and not how your boyfriend wants you to live it. Quitting smoking and losing a couple of pounds are two things that a lot of people are unable to do and you did them. Have the confidence to do more to better yourself. It is tough I am in a deep period right now, but I refuse to throw away the greatest gift in world, life. Hang in there I promise that it will get better

Dear Down and Out, Until I learned to be good to myself and show myself real respect I didn't get it from others. As I gained in self respect,through much struggle, I found myself surrounded by people who respected me as well and appreciated my efforts towards them. You are not alone in your battle with yourself...that's what I found it to be. It can never come from others until it comes from you. Trisha

I read your post and it made me think about someone who touched my life in a way that i dont know if it was good or bad. It was about two years ago and he was everything i looked for in a person, we were together about 6 months and then he finished it and his excuse was he didnt connect with me.We tried to remain friends but the more we spoke the more i realised how manipulating he was, he would tell me to loose weight,how his dad had noticed id put weight on(i only met his dad twice) the way i spoke and on and on. He battered my confidence so bad that two years on im so aware of everything about me thats bad that i hate himn for it. Im just glad he gave me push because if hed have wanted to hold on to me i would never have been able to leave on my own accord.

ahhh...i feel like i am going to rip all of my hair out and run around like a crazed lunatic!! what is wrong with this person? i have been working all month on overtime as much as i could so that i could pay all the bills so he could get his motorcycle. i knew it would make him so happy and i was actually looking forward to it as well. thinking that may be we would actually be able to get out of the apartment. atleast him away from his computer. but no he has given up b/c he didnt find the bike and deal he was looking for and he needed more money. i pleaded with him to just save it and wait till his next paycheck but he said he couldnt live like this. he is a silver spoon fed spoiled brat and the fact of the matter is the money was just burnin a hole in his pocket. so instead he has bought himself a 32' flat panel monitor(to play his game more) and he's going to pay off a bill and his step-father. hello hello what about me? all month i would call him at lunch and see what he was doing alot of the time he was out eating with someone. he said they were paying which i believe. sure he has people to take him to lunch hes from here, but i moved not far but to far for someone to just have lunch with me. i have went days with out eating just so i wouldnt spend money. i had to cancel 3 hair appointments because when i got any extra cash we would have to use it. i still havent even been able to pay my complete car payment from last month just so he could get a part for his computer that crashed on him heaven forbid he go a day with out it. and he says he couldnt live like that he has no idea what its like i dont even have the money to get my medicine refilled and tomorrow is my last one.today my lunch consists of popcorn which i havent even touched because i am so disqusted with everything,life in general. he can be a wonderful person when he gets everything his way but you know i would be one happy b**** if i had someone supporting and pleasing my every need too. but i guess its impossible for both of us to be happy and he is far worse of a person to be around when he doesnt get his way and i have become so accustomed to being this fake person that for now its just going to have to work. so what if i never get suprised so what if i never get kissed so what if

Dear Down and Out,Your post sounded very real to me not fake at all. Good luck, Trisha

down & out i used to be involved with a guy exactly like the one you are now. he was emotionally abusive, and paved the way for future problems. the best advice i can give you is to get rid of him. it's not an easy thing to do, but that's probably the only solution to a relationship like that. you'll thank yourself when you can be who you want without fear of repercussion.

[font=Comic Sans MS]i'm still in love with my last bf. but....it's very good that he isn't my bf anymore. i couldn't talk much with him..if i said something he didn't like or agree with...the stuff he wuold say...yuck..to keep peace i stopped talking as much as possible. i had become so sick (even though i was faithfully on my medication) .. .as much as i love him, my illness now isn't as bad as like i was with him. after we were no more..i did spend at least a year..not bathing for long periods of time..not eating ..or just not eating right (i gained fat)..not talking to anybody (i didn't want to ..but a neighbor who pushed me into conversation)...etc.[/font] so it isn't easy still..but i'm much better off with out him.

Hello Down and Out I read your letter and couldn't help but get disappointed in another human being. Your boyfriend is not worthy of you. It is really as simple as that for me. I do not know him but it does sound as if he has a lot of problems that he cannot deal with, and now it is projected towards you to make him feel better. I have known so many people who are in the same boat as you, and who had to battle for years to come out of it. All of them have told me that the most difficult part was to take the decision on what to do. Once the decision has finally been taken, everything started falling in place. This is not to say that it was easy, but at least you will know that the negative situation you are in now, will not last forever. Good luck and let us know what is happening.

Down&Out, You are a wonderful being! Do not let anyone ever convince you otherwise. You are your own being and your own dictator, do not let anyone dictate your life for you. It's important for anyone as an individual to be exactly who we want to be without letting anyone tell us who to be. Stay strong, live life for you and only you. Take Care, Melanie _______________________ The Depression Support Team