Kerma, Thanks for being so candid ("I think my life sucks and that's all there is to it.") about your life. I appreciate your honesty because I think my life sucks, too! There is so much social pressure to be normal and happy and hopeful and I just don't feel that way and I'm not going to fake it to please others. I am also unemployed and I can relate to your feelings of worthlessness and depression that result from being jobless. Since I am divorced and without a girlfriend or any kids I also feel a lot of loneliness and emptiness and sadness. At least you have a spouse and kids who love you, care about you, and no doubt appreciate you for what you have done to raise four children. Since I don't have any of that in my life I think you are fortunate. We know that depression has biological causes that have nothing to do with what your situation in life is at any given moment. Perhaps you would feel better if you were seeing a psychotherapist and taking antidepressant medication. Craig

Thanks for your words of support. Life can be so bad sometimes, it's nice to be able to talk to someone, someone who can understand the way I feel. I have been searching all over for a work at home job-most of them seem to be some type of rip off. If you know of a good site, let me know please. Take care.

I can relate Kerma. I have it all and feel that I have nothing at times. I used to talk to my wife about my severe depression and she wanted to help, but I didn't want to hear what she had to say. All I wanted was someone to feel sorry for me. I did see someone for help and was I surprised what I said about myself. As far as care goes, check with your local government for free or low cost programs. And I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but there are internet jobs you can do from your home. Do an Internet search and see what you find. And I have to echo the previous statement, you are a winner more than you realize by accomplishing the things you have done.

Thanks for your advice. Yes, I'm sure I would feel better if I could get a job. I have worked in the past, as a matter of fact quite a few jobs. The area I live in is rural and opportunities are few. But I don't think just getting a job would make it all ok for me. After all my work at school (I worked hard and graduated with a gpa of 3.77), I just can't pull it together. I graduated about 4 yrs ago. I've taken a few depression tests on the computer, and they would indicate I do need help. So who can go to the Dr.? That costs and I don't have any money. No insurance anymore either. It's hard to explain myself, but it's like when I reflect on my life, it just seems to be a waste. I feel like I can never truely succeed at anything. One of 2 kids in my family growing up, and I was always the one who got in trouble, etc. Didn't measure up. I have the type of husband who likes to basically take the credit for everything that we've ever accomplished. Life is generally a drudge. I am always so worried about what may happen in the future I can't enjoy anything. Seems like I try and try and always get slapped in the face. I always feel like I have to do whatever anyone wants me to do. Like I can't turn anyone down no matter what. I don't think most people feel that way, do they? I guess I feel like I'm not good enough to want any better for myself. I don't know. Life can really suck, that's all I know now.

Hi Kerma. Welcome. Being unemployed is the pits for anyone who wants to work. And it is discouraging to keep running into a wall. I invite you to take the free Depression Test (the link is at the left of the page) and take the printed results to a doctor if it indicates you have depression. I'm not a doctor, but I get the impression that if only you had a job, you would be fine? From your post, I take it you haven't worked outside the home yet? Congrats on successfully raising 4 children and then graduating with a degree! There are government job centers that offer free courses in getting work. They conduct mock interviews, help you with a resume presentation and give you hints, ideas and contacts. People are constantly reinventing themselves, adding other skills to their resume, and they could help you with that. Sometimes all that's needed to be hired is a little help, some creativity and verifiable references. (for instance, working at a doughnut shop for a few months can get you a reference for efficiency, accuracy, punctuality, and people skills, and that comes in handy while you look for more serious work.) It lets a prospective employer know you are serious about wanting to work too. A diversity of interests and skills can sometimes make you a lot more appealing to an employer. For instance, consider how volunteering can benefit you too. It can also get you references. I don't know what branch of science you're in, but science jobs are advertised in specialized journals, local Internet sites, Company sites, as well as the local paper. Do you have a list of *all* the type of companies that hire people with your skills? For instance, when touring a large computer manufacturing company a couple of years ago, I was surprised to learn that among others, they and some other large companies had a biologist, some lab specialists, and a dietician, nurses and an auditory specialist on staff. Although unscientifically researched on my part, I've too often observed that among equally qualified candidates, few male hirers were courageous enough to hire a woman who was older than they were. This has always been something I've noticed. I've hired lots of staff too, and many women have also made this comment to me. Networkin

I have not been to the dr., but I do think I could use some help. My family does have a history of depression. I wonder if I am depressed and could feel better, or if how I feel is just a reality check. I think my life sucks and that's just the way it is. Here's a little backround: Let's see, married, 47 yrs old, 4 grown kids. Have not done a whole lot with life, raised the kids and then went to school for 4 yrs, got the B.S. degree, got certified, and never can find a job. I can't get any kind of job. I have been trying for months. So I am at the mercy of spouse when it comes to money. I would like to be able to sustain myself and not depend on others. Husband works several hundred miles away from home, so I am alone most of the time. I feel like I have failed in life. I do sometimes think about suicide, but to be honest, I think I am too much of a wuss to go through with it. I just wish that I had never been, or that I would just vanish. I feel worthless, incompentent, and like I'm a waste of time. So like I said, is there more for me or is it like I think and I'm just facing facts and that's the way it is? That's what I think. I seem to fail at whatever I do. Just can't quite cut it, I guess. Anyway, if anyone feels like giving me their imput, I am sure ready to hear it.