Hi All,
I haven't been to a doctor to be diagnosed yet, but I did take the depression test and it definitely said I was depressed.
I have read a lot of articles about depression including the ones from this program.
I have also read a lot of the postings under this message board, but I am so confused and I am not sure whether or not I really am clinically depressed. I seem to have a few of the symptoms described in the articles, but they are so vague that I am still unsure as to whether I am truly depressed or whether it is something else.
I was wondering if I told you about myself and what my symptoms are, whether you could give me your opinion.
I know that I should probably go to a professional to get diagnosed, but I don't have a doctor that I trust enough to tell my problems to.
I have read a lot of the postings at the Depression Center and feel like you all are suffering just like me, although in different ways, but at least I feel I can trust you.
I should mention that I have been to see a therapist, but she didn't think there was anything wrong with me. But that was a long time ago. Although I have to admit I am the same person now as I was then so why didn’t she diagnose me then? Who knows?
Okay, so here it goes:
I am about to turn 40 this year and within the last year have totally changed my life.
I went from working in the computer industry to being a Bed and Breakfast owner/operator.
I also went from living in a major city to living out in the country where the closest town is a VERY small community.
I have extremely low self-esteem and have been that way since I can remember.
I have never felt that I was good enough or worthy of anything.
In fact I have sabotaged a few relationships including a marriage because I was sure that the other person was going to leave me at some point anyhow.
Even when I do good things I don't feel like I deserve the praise.
I have been told many times about how good I am at this or that, but I always disagree.
I don't have many friends and definitely don't have anyone I trust enough to talk deeply about my feelings and that includes my current husband.
I know I have a problem with self-esteem but I never associated these problems with depression until now.
I have always been slow to do things that I don't particularly want to do, but lately it is getting really bad and I procrastinate on almost everything.
I always thought that it was because I was lazy, but now I am beginning to think it might be because of lack of energy.
I am kind of a perfectionist and like things to be in its proper place, but lately I just don’t have the energy to keep on top of things. My house has never been so cluttered and unorganized in my life.
I get at least 8 hours of sleep at night but I still feel extremely tired all day long all the time.
Then I tend to sleep even more. But the more I sleep, the more tired I feel.
I just can't seem to get rid of the tired feeling.
I have extreme mood swings. And I do mean EXTREME!
I have bouts of crying fits where I just get overly emotional and any kind of sad thing sets me off.
And my anger episodes (as I call them) are off the charts. And I can get angry over such little things.
And when I do have an anger episode, it really does take over. I read on one of the postings about someone who was angry and she felt like it took over her body.
Well, that is exactly how I feel. It is like I am another person and I just go nuts!
My whole body vibrates and it doesn't get released until I hit something or I exert some type of force, like slamming a door.
Then the vibrating in my body subsides but then it is too late and I ha
