Dear Joyful & Bogman, I read your post with tears in my eyes. I'm having a hard time writing this as they roll down my cheeks. That happened to me some years ago almost exactly the way you described it.Casually take a drag, then smoke the whole thing, then can't stop thinking about the next time you are going to see the cigs,I mean that person with the cigs again.Excitedly drive to the cigarette's house because you know they are calling you. Continue to bum cigs from whoever(maybe your Mom) telling yourself that you'll just smoke a few and you will not buy any yourself. Increase your visits to your "buddy's" place and increase the number of cigs you smoke. Then feel embarrased for bumming so many smokes off of your pal(because they are SO Expensive), so you decide to split the cost of a pack, Well, then you smoke your half of the pack too quickly and there's still half the day left,so you struggle -should I just f*** it and buy a pack?...might as well, I like,want, need that nicotine high, or I'll start to panic. I'll just smoke outside so my house still smells nice-now it's raining (or snowing)or it's very late and I don't WANT to go outside...ahh, the HECK with it, this is MY house and if I want to smoke in it I will!It's MY car too, so there.Besides, that idiot doesn't know how to drive-I'M GONNA HAVE A CIG, I'll just roll the windows down-it's My Car... It took courage to share this setback with everyone, thank you for reminding us to NEVER let our guard down.I'm going to go to my Glove Compartment and remind myself of the reasons I quit and the benefits of being a non-smoker, I will also say to myself at least once a day-N.O.P.E.One more thing-I will ask GOD to help you and all of us to make the right choices to keep us safe and healthy. I hope you return to us soon. Here's a hug, Trudy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 122 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,816 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $364.78 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 13 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17

joyfulspirit - Thanks so much for coming here and letting us know what's going on with you... I will not lecture or tell you how bad smoking is... BUT I will gently remind you that we are here now, and we will all be here for you when and if you decide to Quit and need or want our support... Life is so full of choices... And this addiction is so tricky. And you know all of this. Be well, and come back. Love and Special Blessings- Healer [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 137 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,817 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $637.05 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 17 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 53

What amazing courage. What care and concern for others you show by coming in and posting your story. Your words of your life effect me, they sadden me and they amplify my resolve to be quit from my drug of choice, nicotine. Nicotine is an amazing and whily drug that can be very manipulative and the addict in me so relates to the actions that you describe. That instant puff is exactly how I have lost my last two quits. I hope that you will come back. You are one of my models here as you are so joy full. I thank you for bringing your story here and I hold the highest and most hope full thoughts for you. I also hope that you will come back at some time soon and that you will contiunue to share your journey with others. You are an inspitation. Thank you for your courage. Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 153 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,068 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1147.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 25 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 8 [B]Seconds:[/B] 45

My eyes are tearing up. I feel confused, so sad. I feel a deep, deep primordial fear. Lust, desire for that which is false. Smoke. It commands me. I will deny. It sings a rhapsody of darkness, of soothing invisibility, a cloak of isolation. Where this lonliness is correct. I deny you. I will fight. For Life. I may be weakest at the most unsuspecting moment. I will prepare. I will continue to put one step in front of the other. I am you, you are me. We are a little bit of God. And 'it' is a demon. Universe, I beg of your protection. I beg for the strength to always remember the darkness of the place I'll never return and to choose wisely. To know that addiction leads me away from love, away from my destiny, away from life. Life or death, live or die. There is only do, there is no try. Choice puts the free in freedom. keep fightin' the good fight - fish [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/21/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 211 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,354 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1055 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 27 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 15 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

Hi joyful after 500+ smoke free days, try again, know you know Beto [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/29/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 21 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 214 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $21 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 24 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43

It makes my skin crawl think of all that crap we had to go through at the start of our quits. oh well, we are only human. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 568 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 14,205 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3692 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 81 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 56

Joyful- Your story sounds like nightmares I have periodically. I always wake up fm them thinking, "Whew! That was weird! Glad it can only happen in a nightmare! I would never let myself do that in reality." Now, your telling me that it happened to you. Whoa. Blows my mind. Thanks for the warning. I know a very strong trigger for me is the Nice Dinner Out which usually includes a glass or two of wine. So, I'm wondering if you had wine or some other celebratory beverage the night you slipped? Mc [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/31/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 323 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,849 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1292 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 31 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

Just in case you forgot, Nicodemon is his name and slowly killing you by smoking is his game. Hope to see you back real soon. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 384 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,688 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1344 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 33 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 55

I must admit it was really hard for me to read this. I'm sure you expect everything I am about to say. Let me start by saying it took a lot of courage to come here and post the way you did. This is a horrible addiction and we can�t ever let our guard down. We have shared so very much during this quit process. When I first saw the title I thought to myself, "WHY DIDN'T SHE CALL?" You know you could have called day or night :) But then I read what happened and so I'm not offended that you didn't call me first. I know how you have struggled Cherie. I know of the emotional turmoil and depression you have experienced and have felt like I have experienced that turmoil right along with you during many of our conversations. Life really sucks sometimes and we aren't always sure if what we are doing is right or wrong. What we do know is that if we just pray about it God will guide us to where he wants us to be. I consider you to be a friend whether you smoke or not. I�ve always looked up to you and how you have a joyful spirit no matter what is going on in your life. No matter how hard it gets you always smile and are cheery. You are part of my inspiration to change my attitude and see the positive side of things because you do it so well. You have helped me through so many difficult times and friends don't abandon friends. [quote] And to top it off have absolutely no desire to quit anytime soon. [/quote] Boy, the junkie really has you good huh? I know this statement isn't true but I also know that at this moment you probably really believe it. I want to remind you of a few things. Remember the confident quitter you were? Remember how good it felt not to be a slave? Remember all the fun we had breathing? Remember the cheerful business owner? Remember the middle of the night phone calls? Remember the laughter, the tears, and the friendship? Remember the freedom????????? It is all still within your reach, my friend. Oh, one more reminder. Remember that time when you thought all was lost and you were ready to give up? Remember how we prayed together and then God answered that prayer? I'm still here my friend and I will be praying for you. Please give me a call. You have my number. Lady [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Dat

I am going to turn my computer off and come back in here and see if this post still exists or if I just dreamed it. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 384 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,687 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1344 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 33 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 57