Hi, Cherie.
I think the only one you've let down is yourself, and I imagine you've been much harder and punishing on yourself than all of us combined could ever be.
What you said about just grabbing the cig from your friend, then the other subsequent ones, all without thinking, or with some thought but no control, reminded me of me when I smoked. Many more times than are countable I tried to not have one, or to delay it. Never worked, not once. As soon as I made the decision it was like my rational brain switched off. I'd go on autopilot and watch myself go outside and light up. There was no attempt at control, even when I wanted there to be. It just didn't work. It was the weirdest thing, but it happened over and over again.
You are an example of what could so easily happen to all of us, of why we must remain wary and on constant guard. We can see the big things and fight them. They may be a hard battle, but at least there's the battle. It's the little, silent threats that are the most dangerous. We don't see them coming until they are there. If we don't have our defenses on alert, they could get us before we know what's happening.
Coming here and telling your story took a great deal of courage, Cherie. Courage that you've already shown us time and time again. I'm sure the day will come for you to renew your quit, too. I hope it's soon, but you do it in your own time. Just don't be a stranger until it happens. You still have a lot of quit experience to share. Recent events have not negated all that came before.
(((((((((((HUG)))))))))))
Shevie
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/23/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 423
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,470
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1607.4
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 78 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 57 [B]Seconds:[/B] 49