I once bought a book called Toxic People. This book was about dealing with those people in our lives who shake our foundation of serenity and expect us to accept them for who they are without regard for our own wants and needs. And who are they? Bringers of negativity, bullying, hatred, anger, fear, and givers of nothing.
For smokers and former smokers, these may all too often be people in the closest realms of our lives - family members, bosses, cousins, colleagues, fellow students. If their toxicity is injected into our world early enough, with unrelenting frequency, we desperately seek to find a way to squirm away. Smokers fail. We picked up that sick stick, fired it up and felt endorphins rising, clouding view and judgement, making the effect of those toxic people not so bad - hey we felt much better when we smoked it away.
And the days, weeks, years as a smoker pile up.
And smokers rarely speak up to those toxic people, if ever.
And smokers rarely walk away, if ever.
And we rarely realise this is even happening, as smokers.
Now, as quitters, we really understand that cigarettes are a drug. We also understand that drug users are typically seeking a way to dissolve the pain in their lives, to make something about their reality a bit less harsh, a version of real that they dreamed about but haven't quite been able to find. They want to go to that happy place that looks something like the holo-deck on Star Trek, the fake life depicted in The Truman Show, an Avatar-like utopia.
Yes, blue like Avatar, but that's just the blue cloud. The blue tint of the lungs being starved of oxygen. Not utopia. Not here.
I am writing this on the back of a(nother) confrontation with one of my life's toxic people. On the back of making the decision to stand up, to breathe in deeply and decide once and for all that it's ok to block out the negativity in our lives, whatever, WHOMever represents it. This meant cigarettes nearly 3-1/2 years ago. Today it means someone I'd rather have around but now realise I cannot and will not because of their constant negative energy. My location on the planet makes this easier, so fortune smiles wryly. We can always put the phone down.
The point of all this? I would never in a million years have been able to unpeel this to see it for what it is without having stopped smoking. That is important, I'd ask anyone still reading to have another go at that sentence, especially if you've just recently quit or are struggling in any way. It is that understanding which gives my long term quit such great, awesome purpose.
This toxic battle with a toxic weed leaves residue on every corner of our lives - it masks what the true issues are time and time again. In all honesty, each day I grow more tired of fighting yet each day I find something else to fight for. I know I am far from the only one.
How to adjust? Stick around here with those of you who understand all this. Think alot. Keep not smoking. An REO Speedwagon song pops into my head - Roll with the changes: '...so if you're tired of the same old story, turn some pages...'
My friends and fellow quitters, I remain ever so glad to keep turning those pages with you. I've said this place has changed my life, and I'll keep on saying it, as my life keeps on changing.
Roll on.
x T
My Mileage:
My Quit Date: 1/1/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 1227
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 28,221
Amount Saved: �7,760.78
Life Gained:
Days: 109 Hrs: 11 Mins: 36 Seconds: 37
