I am so sorry you are going through this. I must say I can really relate. I went through a period where everything was changing in my life. I was breaking up with a lying boyfriend (More on that later) and was quitting my job and actually planning on moving far away from my home. It was terrible I felt like my life was falling apart. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it because I didn't want their pity. I felt so pathetic and so hopeless. It was a real empty feeling. I'm sure it is not the same as you felt but I do get a sense of what you are going through.
I can also relate to your relationship trouble. Before I decided to leave my boyfriend I had been living with him for a few years. We had a life together. However I could never get passed the hurt (he cheated) I never trusted him and I would cry all the time. I hated even sleeping beside him some nights. I began thinking....is this it? I was having nightmares about him cheating and I had a compulsion to check everything he was doing. Let me tell you if he would have been gone in the middle of the night like you mentioned I would have had a break down. I am so impressed with your strength and control. Well in the end I found more lies, even though there was many tears and discussions and promises. I truly believe people can change but if they don't get help they will stay lyers. He had a problem. Not sure if that is the same in your case but it was in mine.
After I decided to leave him, my job and the palce I lived I was a mess like I had already mentioned. It took a lot of time to heal but reaching out to family and friends helped. Let me tell you now I feel better then ever. It can still be hard at times and sometimes I even miss him but I am so glad I left. I know if i would have stayed it would have killed me and slowly changed who I was. I am learning to trust again and I look forward to the feature.
I am not saying for you to leave him and leave your job I just want you to know I can relate. I get it and boy I wish I could be there for you now. Hopefully jsut reading my post helps a bit. I feel like I could type forever about that period of my life but I will stop now.
I am doing ok. I haven't been sticking to the program as much as I like... I keep saying I am going to work on it and then I just procrastinate. How did you guys manage to get it done....I just have no motivation lately.....worse then usual actually.
It's nice to hear the both of you are seeing some positives, one day I will get there too...just not today
sometimes I think well this never worked before but why did it never work before? Maybe it will work in the future...
Also, I feel like it is harder to meet people too now that I am out of school. I know I isolate myself but I dont know how to get over it and jsut go meet people. I have trouble putting myself out there........
