New Here & a Little Desperate

Hi mags I was there too. And I have 2 kids -- with nobody picking up after them, you can imagine the state of my house! Laundry got done, but I couldn't bring myself to fold it and put away, so the dirty stuff went into the laundry basket and the clean stuff was just dumped on the bed in the spare room. Dishes piled up -- I was so miserable that I would make up excuses so that nobody would come over and see my shame. I'd wake up and tell myself that I was going to tidy up that day, but then I'd get up and be so overwhelmed by the magnitude of the mess that I'd just go back to bed. The others have given great advice, so I'll just empathize. Reality is too overwhelming at the moment, so come back to it in tiny steps -- have a bath, clean the toilet, whatever small thing will make you feel even a little better. Give yourself permission to, for the time being, leave your clothes as they are, to not worry about the things that you're avoiding by escaping into the tv and eBay. Give yourself permission to take some time to heal. Be kind to yourself.

New Moderator

Welcome Sylvie, and thanks for joining the group. Talk soon, Confused

DC Instant Messenger

Hi Terry As well as Daily Llama, check the post "Let's Chat" under the Relationship tab for others who are interested. Take care

Need help now .... not when I can get an appointment

Hi rangerkoala First off, I want to let you know that my experience with doctors and the healthcare system has been pretty poor, so my response to you may reflect that. I know that there are lots of great medical practitioners out there, I've just had difficulty finding them. With no medical background, I'm not even going to try to speculate what may be causing your dizzy spells. I'll emphasize, though, that psychosomatic issues are as real as physiological issues, regardless of what the doctors may say. Be calm and firm with your doctor that you need these dizzy spells resolved. If he/she isn't supportive, find a doctor who is. Easier said than done, I know. It's also easy for a specialist to look you over and say that you're fine from that perspective and brush you off as not in their field. Remember that each specialist originally had general medical training, so firmly ask for their opinion about what else could be causing your dizzy spells, and what your best next steps would be. You sound as though you are in a panic, which is perfectly understandable, given the runaround you're getting from the medical community while your dizzy spells are totally disrupting your life, but panicking isn't going to help. You know this, so take this weekend to do nice things for yourself so that you can relax somewhat and think more clearly. Obviously, getting back to your job is a top priority, but you can't get back to work until your dizzy spells have been addressed, so that becomes your immediate priority. Having dizzy spells doesn't necessarily mean that your depression has come back. There may well be a physiological cause that the doctors just haven't found yet. You've been doing well for 10 years -- what has changed in your life over the past several months besides the new medication? Does your chronic illness have an association, and if so, would it be helpful to talk to someone there? Other people with your condition may have also experienced dizzy spells and already found out what caused them. If you haven't already done so, I'd also recommend that you tell your doctor of your job situation and financial worries -- he/she may be able to give you papers which qualify you for short-term disability payments of some sort. At the very least, telling him/her will emphasize the urgency of resolving this for you. I've pretty much run out of suggestions -- just take a deep breath and don't jump to conclusions. You must be feeling pretty awful physically as well as being in the emotional panic, since dizzy spells are not fun at all. So be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, pamper yourself even, and don't accept "It's all in your head, and there's nothing we can do" as an appropriate response. Good luck

Good stuff happens too

That's wonderful, DL! What a huge step, but you've put the support in place to be successful -- with that, your determination, and all of us cheering for you, you'll be happily smoke-free in no time. Good luck!

seroquil for sleep

Good question, wildcat, and one I ask myself too, when I'm lying wide awake in the middle of the night before a big day of some sort :) I haven't slept well for several years -- at one point, back when the top ten events on the life-stressors list were going on at once, I didn't know why I even bothered going to bed -- I'd lie there, mind racing, until I finally fell asleep about 3 or 4:00 in time for the alarm to go at 6:00. All my doctor would do was offer me sleeping pills, which I didn't want to take because I'm the only adult in the house -- what if one of the girls got sick or there was an emergency and they couldn't wake me?! After various permutations and combinations, I've finally ended up with Remeron at night to help me sleep, and Effexor and Wellbutrin in the morning to make me happy and give me energy, respectively. Not that they all do what they are supposed to do, exactly, but it's the best we've come up with so far. I've tried reducing or going off meds completely several times when I was feeling better -- like you, by the sounds of it, I felt that being on medication was a sign that I still needed them, and I wanted to show (who? myself? my doctor?) that I could actually be that well even without the support of medication. Not a good idea -- there were a few times when I would carry on for a month or so, but then the doubt, the second-guessing, the negative thoughts, the irritability, would start to come back until I was back where I started. Either a slow learner or an eternal optimist, I did this not once or twice but 4 or 5 times. Now I'm regarding these meds more like the anti-biotics you mentioned -- the infection is gone within a day or 2 of starting the drug, but you have to continue to take it for several days afterward to be safe. Would that the timeframe and specificity was similar to anti-biotics! Or like training wheels on a bike -- they stabilize me while I learn to ride and balance. Other people and my inner critic may point and laugh with scorn that I need training wheels, but that's just something that I must learn to ignore. For me, right now, training wheels = sensible, no training wheels = scraped knees and broken bones. Vent and complain any time you like, wildcat, without feeling guilty. We all need outlets -- this is the only place that I feel I can pour my heart, my musings, my troubles out where at least a couple of people are bound to understand exactly what I'm saying. I feel guilty for my long posts, but am not at all irritated by and am most often interested in and grateful for other people's long posts... :)

CBT DAY - Negative Thinking, Part III

Hi rcguy I have some problems with trust as well. I tend to think that people are only being friendly or helpful out of politeness or duty or even pity (though I'm not pitiable, and don't come across as such, so I don't know where that came from :confuse:), and that they have far more important things to do than to help me, so I find it very hard to ask for help. I've been working on looking for evidence that this is true or not true, and it's been a big eye-opener for me. I've been experimenting/testing as well, and although it's going to be awhile before I actually believe that people like me for who I am and actually want to help, but I've at least accepted that my original belief [i]may[/i] not be true.

Can I trust my heart?

Hi rcguy I don't think that it's abusive and controlling at all -- it's drastic, but, as wildcat says, your wife has clearly demonstrated that she has no self-control or sense of responsibility and someone in a family has to exercise a certain amount of both of those. If you've talked with her already about limits, budget, etc, and come to an agreement that she has since disregarded, then taking away the credit cards is an unpleasant but necessary consequence. If you haven't had that talk yet, I think that it's important to at least give her a chance to show that she can be responsible if she knows that she has to. Short leash, though, since your finances have already taken such a beating, and check in weekly on how she's faring. I hear you about the fear of conflict, though. You can read in other posts that I was in an abusive relationship as well. Just the thought of upsetting him would send my anxiety sky-rocketing. I don't suppose that I'm the best adviser here, since I ended up leaving rather than mending the marriage. I tried to be assertive and stand up for myself, and if the issue was something I had complete control over, I could be calmly assertive and adamant and weather the storm. But the rest of the time... he could be utterly ruthless, and I had no idea how to deal with that. As an example, I'd signed up for a 2 day course for my work -- really important to me. I'd still be able to drop the girls off and pick them up from daycare, but he'd have to be the "on-call" parent for the first time. He wasn't happy with this, but I stood firm and said that the odds of something happening were low, and so he agreed. As it happened, our 2 year old had an asthma attack the afternoon of the first day. The daycare called me, and I called him. He was ticked, but I stood firm and reiterated how important the course was for my work. So he went. When I got home a few hours later, her lips and fingernails were blue from lack of oxygen -- he said that he couldn't figure out how to use the ventilator and how was he supposed to know what symptoms to watch out for? The next 2 days I spent in the hospital with my baby in an oxygen tent. Saying that he was deliberate in his inactivity sounds ridiculous -- he said that it all just showed how incompetent he was at parenting. Very remorseful. Marriage is always a balance of needs, but where does it cross the line? Passive isn't necessarily a bad thing, but your needs have been trampled, your dreams ignored. Are you so passive that you don't state your needs, desires, hopes and dreams? If you've told her and she deliberately disregards them, well, you've got some decisions to make. If you've never told her, perhaps she truly doesn't know how deeply unhappy you are. You'd think that she'd pick up on some of your needs over the years, or ask you, but some people just don't think that way. Good to hear that your bank was helpful about another mortgage (even if it would have been better not to have needed the second mortgage). take care

In deep trouble

Hi reeby, and welcome What else has been going on in your life? Depression doesn't necessarily have a specific trigger, but often it does result from trauma, grief, extreme stress or a combination. Understanding what's behind the depression can help you to deal with it better. Working through this program is really good for uncovering the source/s. DonGato is right about your boyfriend -- talk to him. Ask for his support and understanding. If he's up for it, he can help you with the homework -- it could bring you even closer if the two of you aren't used to sharing your more personal thoughts. If he's not up for it... well, nobody needs or deserves a fair-weather partner. You're suffering from something -- be kind to yourself and allow yourself the room to heal. Take care

New Here

Hi Brassin Post as you like, and read as you like. One of the good things about this discussion group is that it is so anonymous -- you can offload your deepest shame and you'll never have our eyes on you (as supportive and empathetic as our eyes would be!). Friends are great, but you're right that depressed friends may not be the best supports for each other. I've fallen out with one of my oldest and closest friends because, I think, we were both in our worlds of depression. I'm not sure, really, and I'm so deeply hurt by it... perhaps we'll be able to mend our relationship at some point, once we've managed to mend ourselves. Good for you for making the commitment to this program. CBT is the first thing that has really helped me -- hopefully it will help you also. Be kind to yourself