Hello everybody,
Just wanted to say that I used a daily agenda/diary (pocket/wallet sized) to keep track of everything from appointments to calls I needed to deal with to birthdays and shopping lists and so on; this was when I was a working stiff in education and the Big Corporation before I retired. That DayTimer was never away from my right hand - like, I had a packet of cigarettes and a lighter and my Daytimer before I left the house. It served me well and I always gave the semblance of being 'on top of things' to the people I lived and worked with. Not only depressed but hungover during office hours, believe me I needed to keep written track of most everything in my messed up life at that time.
That's how I dealt with a Swiss Cheese memory. I was laughed at in Saudi Arabia where I was teaching; the kids thought I was very funny to carry around something that only Saudi women carried around! Hah!
There's always some smart ass out there willing to try to burst one's bubble!
Patrick
Suzy,
Good!! Relieved here. Cryptic note: if it's broken, don't try to fix it (I mean the higher level of meds)- time enough to reassess your stability/plateau when you've got a good thing going. Did you say that your doctor gave you the go-ahead to be flexible? Mine did and he didn't think it was such a big deal within the range he advised...
If I overdose on Prozac does that mean that I'll be even more indifferent to inconsequentialities in life around me? I mean the drooling depressions I'd get into when I saw a drunken homeless person, or a child being chastised in the Supermarket by his worn-out mother? I can handle what I consider a harder approach to 'being in the world' with the higher doses of Prozac I need now and again. It's a little artificial Zen when I most need it...
Patrick
You know, I was too accepting of my doctor's opinion when I told him that I thought I should go off Effexor and go back to Prozac because of the extra pressure I was getting from HBP readings. He just said at the time "Yeah, sure. You'll feel better back on Prozac". Kind of dumb, really, since there's no "feeling better" or worse from elevated BP! It's just straight forward dangerous to keep running around with elevated BP.
He didn't suggest that he would UP the dose of my HBP medicine to compensate for any side effect that the Effexor might have on my raised BP!? Hah!
When I get back to Canada I think I'll find another GP who is more pharmaceutically adept.
If you can keep taking Effexor and you have HBP then I don't see why I can't address that to the doctor on my next visit in November when I get home to Canada
Thanks for the heads-up!
Patrick
Twister,
The author is Jonathan G. Zuess and there are good and bad reviews of it on Amazon The bad seem to think that he's selling St.John's Wort and the good think that he's right on with the holistic approach to depression. If it helps and doesn't harm, what's not to like?
Patrick
Welcome Gabs,
Just keep reading the posts on here and get to know the community of fellow sufferers like yourself. Talk to us when you feel you want to and, when you have the extra little bit of energy, try looking into the Sessions to read how the programme works. Most of all, when you feel like crap and you're frightened and have no one to talk to about your pain, come on in here and look and listen.
I don't always feel like working the programme myself but I need to read what folks are doing and saying in the support group as often as I can. It helps me to know there're people out there who get what the fear and trembling is all about...
Patrick
Wildcat,
Hang in there. Keep talking to us. I'm a bit clapped out myself this evening (6hrs later than North America- east coast)but I was moved by your post below. I'm thinking of you and will write more later.
Patrick
Lady, Dumpling and Gabs,
You have my heart, ladies. I'm so sorry that you're hitting the lows even to the point of talking about ending it all. I had my 10 year old son in the house the last time i was that close to ending it. That was 8 yrs ago. The hair on my hair stands on end when i think what I might have done to him. Imagine him finding me in an armchair, late at night, and the nearest house 500 meters in the pitch black of the countryside??
This August I went to visit him in the States where he lives with his mother; he has developed Type I diabetes. I spent 30 days with him and reconnected with him after three years separation. Now I'm going back to Canada for good and I asked him if he'd join me to just be with me while I resettle back in there and he said "Yes!" joyfully. He really sounded happy that he could have me back on North American soil ( he worries about me being in South Africa). I cry about this. But these are good tears. I love my son. I love myson and I nearly left him 8 years ago in horrific circumstances ( I had enough diamorphine and cocaine to kill me with a 10th of what I had on hand.) I cry for guilt and shame and love and joy that i'm still here to see and hear him grow up into a man.
Please, ladies, your kids need you and this website needs you. If the love is sometimes scarce or distant or unenthusiastic from time to time remember that the abyss, the black hole is just a 'hole" and we are the ladder, the rope ladders, that let us climb out again.
Call the Samaritans, post on this site, call a friend - don't be alone if you can help it at all.
love - Patrick
Hello post-people and counsellor people!
There are some really hard things happening to members on the site over the last few days and more. I notice that you counsellors are always there for us and I appreciate it. I haven't been 'deep' into the abyss for a long time but I do 'cycle' rapidly and i feel depressed all the time: anomie and weltschmerz controlled by the SSRIs. Like I said on various posts, I'm very happy to be going back to Canada but I will have to go first and get a car and a house and file immigration papers for my wife and her two boys and there is a wealth of worry and stress in that and just being away from her, talking to her only on the internet and maybe for a few minutes once a week on the phone. She is crying already and I'm smoking a pack a day and it's two weeks before i fly out. I'm grinding my teeth to dust as I write this.
I'm afraid but I'll be on here until I go and then immediately after i land. I need this site when there's nobody else in the family who wants to listen to my fear. You guys understand. You may not always agree with what's said but you're not here to judge either and I love you all for it.
Thanks
Patrick
Gabs,
That's too huge a mess to be dealing with on your own. I don't mean to be too radical here but i'd say that you need to be alone for a short while. Even a week without the daily pressures and demands of family. I'm no counsellor but I have survived thus far in 60 years that i know that with all your burdens right now I would ask a psychiatrist at the hospital to let you be admitted to an Admitting ward so that you can get some sleep and quiet and nurses and psychiatrists to talk to about all this looming threats about divorce and loss of house and no lunch for your mate and trying to adjust to Effexor and all the rest.
I don't suggest this without experience. In 1998 I put myself in a psychiatric hospital and i stayed there for a week before I felt ready to fight some more and deal with my numerous problems. I needed that removal from the fray. I had nurses to talk to and several days of visits with a psychiatrist and sleep. Aaaah, the fatigue slipped away from me as I got fed and watered and listened-to. It was great.
Yes, my family pretended it never happened and i didn't talk about it. Who cares? I got the break I needed and I got strength from that stay in hospital and. no, I never thought I was "really out of my mind"! You're NOT crazy but I know you're exhausted and at the end of your tether. Don't be afraid, Gabs, do what will help you to deal with this crap right now.
Patrick
