Welcome Cernan!
Self confidence can be a tough thing. I saw Danielle's advice to you in another thread and thought it was most excellent.
As for being a virgin ... it's just a word. Maybe you give it too much power? By the time I was in my early 20s I'd had many, many sexual partners and was suicidal. Getting laid doesn't equate with happiness, believe me. In fact, Cernan, it seems to me that someone who doesn't sleep around has shown more respect for themselves than I did. In that way you already have a head start on self respect. One less thing to work on in the long run.
I'm sure you'll find others here who feel like you do, who struggle with the same issues you do. I thought I was the only one who felt like I did but in the short time I've been here and been working the first Session, I felt very understood and supported. This is an awesome bunch of folks and your obvious openness will allow us all to offer up whatever we can.
Again, Welcome!
Geez, seems I learn something every day here! :) The phone? I hate it. Refuse to get a cell phone, screen all my calls, avoid it like the plague. No reason like you have, Wildcat, and didn't even realize it was an anxiety thing till I read what you all had to say.
I love technology ... the idea of a phone, iPod, net connection makes me almost delerious -- until I realize I'd have to answer the damn thing if it rang. LOL Talk to someone on the phone? Nope ... I'll skip it and just be jealous when I see the commercials on TV.
Effexor ... It sounds like lots of you have good luck with it. Prozac has been my friend ever since it came out. It's a miracle drug for me. Over the years I've ranged in dosage -- same as you DL -- but any time I've gone off it, I've gone off the rails almost immediately.
My doc decided to try Effexor last fall. Yi. That one was a bad idea. I took the drugs even though it made me feel dizzy and weird. Sometimes antidepressants take a while to adjust to and I knew that. Unfortunately I should have been paying closer attention. I ended up passing out, cracking my head, we had to call 911 and I was sitting there nude while the paramedics examined me. Of course I wouldn't go to hospital, but the doc took me off the Effexor immediately. Didn't even taper it.
I guess the lesson for me is to pay close attention to symptoms when I try anything new. What works for one person may not work for me ... a friend has been taking Effexor for ages and it works awesome for her. NullPointer ... she forgets to take hers too, btw. I kinda wonder if it's got something to do with the medication itself? I never, ever forget my Prozac. Who knows, eh?
I hope things are going better at your job. I do get how tough it is to try to cover the cost of meds. I'm fortunate enough to be on disability and have the majority of my meds paid now, but before I got my disability through it was a huge strain on the budget. Are there no gov't programs available for you?
:) Daily Llama ... thanks for the morning smile. I must argue that you do, indeed, have wit.
Welcome to all the new folks. I'm new myself, but have found this to be a place filled with wonderful, caring people. All ya gotta do is tell a bit about yourself and you'll find some new friends.
Thinking about the upcoming Christmas holiday and thought I'd share a quote from The Stress Doc with you all:
[quote][color=Maroon]"Holiday blues is the feeling of loss or sadness that you have over the holidays when, for whatever reason, you can't be with those people who have been or are special and significant. And holiday stress ... is when you have to be with some of those people!" {Stress Doc's classic holiday joke.}[/color][/quote]
PS ... you can Google him or ask me for a link if you are interested in his site. He attacks stress with humour and is pretty amazing.
I'm not a big fan of Christmas. We don't have kids so we aren't obligated to do the whole show, thankfully. We get to choose the parts we like and ignore the rest. We both like the pretty lights, we both like to buy gifts for our Jack Russell and we both like shortbread. We also choose either someone alone or an elderly person and get them a little something. Aside from that, all we have to do are the obigatory phone calls to family.
This year I'm feeling grateful that I've finally worked past that crazy guilt and underlying deep sadness of Christmas. I finally have reached a place where I do what I want rather than being plagued by all the "shoulds". The therapy I had to deal with my crazy family has worked.
I've learned that I'm grown up, and that even the hype of the holiday can no longer revert me back to a helpless state. Therapy and Prozac rule!
The best part is that without all the anxiety I actually can enjoy the idea of Yule. I'm not a christian, but I am spiritual and the concept of a time of peace and love is a good one. It's nice to be able to do that instead of spending the whole season wishing I could dive back into a bottle of scotch. A big thing to be grateful for.
Thanks, Brenna. Good advice. I tend to be hard on myself and feel like I'm failing if I'm not living up to my own schedule. The obvious answer is change my expectation. :)
I've given this thought over the past couple of days and realize that at the moment I'm taking the time to get to know folks here at the board and, in the process, am learning all kinds of new things. Seems every day I have an "aha!" moment after reading someone else's experience.
I guess that's as important as working through the formal sessions. It's very helpful to have people like you to offer some gentle guidance away from the very behaviours that make me miserable. Thank you. :)
Welcome Kiki,
I find your imagery so very apt. It does feel like depression has a life of its own.
I love your determination to heal. I find that is one of my greatest tools -- that I refuse to give in to the depression, that I keep struggling no matter how dark the moment. It does always pass.
You must be a poet ... I look forward to reading more of your posts. I'm sure you'll find, as I did, the folks here are warm, welcoming and supportive. I spend way too much time at the board these days. :)
Tipper and Y-Claire ... Welcome to you both!
It seems like many of us here share a long history of depression. I certainly do. I'm 48 and have battled it all my life.
I find this program and this support board both very helpful. I'm still working session 1, but already I feel more hopeful. I find the people here so understanding and not being alone in this is so healing. Plus I'm learning more every day about some of my issues (like OCD).
Welcome!
Welcome Kelsey and Rose.
I'm new as well, but have found the folks here amazing. I don't have full on anxiety attacks, but have read of others here who do. Keep sharing and you'll meet some great people!
:blush: Gabs, I'm one of those people who do that. I hate doing it, but between the fibro and the depression I'm so unreliable. I've learned to not promise to do anything anymore. It's cost me some friendships, but at least I'm not constantly guilty for letting people down. I do understand your frustration!
Today's happy thought for me ... I figured out some HTML stuff I thought I'd forgotten. :) Doing a happy dance at the moment. I have a discussion board (am just launching it) so all the techie work has been driving me nuts. It's taken weeks to do -- where in the old days it would have taken hours -- but I haven't given up.
I can't work right now, but I still have the skills. That is a huge relief for me. As a graphic designer and web designer I've been so frustrated and plagued by negative self talk the past year that I had to do something to show myself I still have the ability.
So my happy place is that I can still do what I once did ... maybe not as quickly, but I'm learning that time limits are not my friend (as Danielle reminded me with doing the sessions!). Just getting it done is what matters these days. :)
Very good idea, Danielle. I'll have to think about how to do that. The board is pretty much ready to go but there's always fiddling that can be done. :)
