Welcome KDub! I'm still pretty new here but I'm finding that everyone here is great. Seems that this is the one place that everyone understands where we're coming from. I'm sorry to hear about the issues that have brought you here, I know a little something about some of those things too. There is hope, and this is a great place to find it. :)
I wish I had a simple answer to that, but I'm still digging my way out of my pit too. But it took me a long time to dig myself this far down, it's going to take a while to climb back out.
Being a Mom while trying to deal with depression is so tough. We want to be the best we can for our kids, but some days there's just nothing left to give. My daughters are 12 & 17 and I've tried to be honest with them (in an age-appropriate kind of way) that I might be a little out of sorts right now, but that's because I'm working on getting better. Because I love them and want to be the best mom I can. I am setting a good example for them by taking care of myself and being honest and teaching them that we can love ourselves even when we're not perfect. Kids often surprise me with how much they really understand.
I agree, it is amazing what Moms can do when we have to. Remember though that there are some moms that don't do what they have to - you do because you are a GOOD mom.
And thank you for your two cents on my question about taking time off from work. I have put the ball in motion for short term leave but I'm still waiting for the approval.
You say you have to go back to work...is there no way your leave could be extended? Have you run out of benefits? Does your manager know that you're not ready? Maybe discuss that with him before you commit to going back. Some companies offer an adjustment period where you only work a few hours at first and gradually increase so that it's not so stressful. Could that be an option?
If the therapy isn't working, maybe consider a new therapist. Your therapist has to be a good fit for you and there are good ones and not so good ones. Sometimes a new perspective from a different therapist can shed some light on your situation in new ways.
I believe there's a poem that says "Rage, rage against the dying of the light / do not go gently into that good night"... I remind myself of that when it all just feels like too much...
Take care
:)
Welcome Kyra! I'm still new too but I'm already so glad I joined. I've been battling depression for 20 years in silence and this is the first time I've really asked for help in dealing with it. I find everyone here so understanding with so much experience and advice and support to offer. I'm sure there will be ups and downs, but as we work through the program and stick to our treatments, there will be more ups than downs. And of course we're all here to help you through. :)
I just have to say that in the short time since I joined, I'm overwhelmed by the acceptance and support I feel here. At first I was terrified to post, now you can't shut me up! ;p
Suzy, my heart broke when I read your topic title. So I will tell you what a wise woman told my daughter when my daughter said "I'm broken, fix me". That wise woman said that she is not broken. She is like a flower that has had a rock placed on top of it and has grown crooked. The flower is not broken, it is still beautiful, it just needs some help to stand tall again.
That wise woman is my daughter's psychologist, and now my psychologist. She has been a savior to both of us.
Your dr. should make you feel better, not worse. Here you are offering to do the work to really get better, and he's telling you not to bother?? What kind of "treatment" is that?
Think of it this way...if someone other than a doctor (say, a spouse, friend, co-worker) said you were broken and basically defective, we would call that emotional abuse, wouldn't we? Just because he's a doctor doesn't make it justified.
You are NOT broken. Some part of you believes that you can beat this because some part of you knows that you are not broken. Otherwise you would not have doubted his comment in the first place.
See a new doctor, one who really cares about helping you heal. In the meantime, keep talking to us. We'll do our best to help "straighen" you out (like the flower, get it??)
;p
Spirituality comes in many forms...I believe in God but maybe not in the traditional sense. I believe in spirituality, not organized religion. I am non-denominational. I believe God is the "spirit" or "energy" that lives in everything and everyone and that we all have a purpose, we all come from God and we all return to God when our purpose is fulfilled (except maybe my ex-husband who I'm sure is the spawn of Satan himself).
This makes me believe that every experience I have, good or bad, serves an important purpose and is part of God's plan for me. There is a lesson to be learned in everything. Sometimes those lessons suck. Sometimes I get so angry I could scream at God "Ok, I get it! Give me a break already!" I believe that all prayers are answered, even if sometimes the answer is "no".
I would probably have to write pages to explain all of my spiritual beliefs and would probably sound like a religious zealot even though I'm probably the least "religious" person there is.
But what I belive does help get me through the dark times because it reminds me that no matter how bad things seem, there will be something positive to take away from it. It's that "every cloud has a silver lining" or "God works in mysterious ways" kind of thing. Many times the positives are hard to see, especially for people like us. But give it time and believe in yourself and eventually the positive side seems to work it's way out.
I went through a traumatic event in the last year that all but destroyed everything I thought I believed. That was a dark time for me because then I didn't even have any kind of faith to comfort me. I felt like I had been naive my whole life to have believed such things.
I'm beginning to see now that I wasn't naive - my beliefs weren't wrong, maybe just incomplete. I see the world differently now and I'm learning to cope with that. In time, I believe that I will be able to take something positive away from the experiences of the last year. I'm not there yet (still having trouble with the thought that the last year had to be SOOOO bad in order to learn something from it - surely God could have taught me the same thing in a less nasty way?) But all in good time...
I'm probably rambling now but I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with questioning your faith now and then. When you find the answers you're looking for you may find that your faith is stronger than it was before. I don't think God is going to strike us down for having our own minds. After all, if He made us, then he should know better than anyone why it is hard for us to believe sometimes...
Interesting...I see a lot of people mentioning the characteristics of depressives and although I've recognized many of those characteristics in myself for a long time, I never made the connection between those qualities and behaviours with my depression. Good insight...
More than anything right now I'm scared of the emotions that will come out as I try to get to the sources of my depression. I've been swallowing them for so long, things could get ugly if I unleash them all. Scared of an impending crash.
Been feeling a bit better for the last few days as the withdrawals from the meds wear off. Feeling like I can handle it all and that I can cope on my own without all the drama of therapy, etc.
BUT...that's the old me trying to talk myself out of dealing with this once and for all. I wouldn't have ever come here if there wasn't a reason. I know I'm not ok yet, even if I feel like I can fake it some more. Have to admit it's been nice to "fake nice" for a couple of days just to get some reprieve from the emotional hell of the last couple of weeks.
(Sigh) Seems like a long journey sometimes...But like you've said, we are amazingly strong people. If anyone can survive (and eventually thrive!), we can.
Hi Gabs, congrats on your success! Your post is an inspiration to people like me who would rather stick a fork in my eye than actually speak the truth about myself.
I would have loved to have seen the look on your SIL's face when you told her what she could do for you! That would have been a Kodak moment to cherish! Hee hee.. :8o:
Hmmm...looks like it's been a while since someone has posted a success story here. Been a rough time for everyone?
I have a small success to share. Today I sang along to the radio with my daughter. It seems silly, but my kids are 12 & 17 and have never heard me sing. I guess it's part of the whole thing about not wanting to draw attention to myself because I don't think people will like what they see.
Know what my daughter said? "You have a pretty voice, Mom. You should sing more often". :) I think I will.
Hi DL,
Glad to hear you are doing something good for yourself by taking care of your health! I am a firm believer in healthy diet and lifestyle, after all, our minds and our bodies are not independent of each other, and a healthy body feeds a healthy mind.
Something you may want to try is switching to organic foods. I spent about 6 months eating everything I normally did, same amount, the only change I made was that everything I ate was organic. I lost about 10 pounds (and I didn't even think I had 10 pounds to lose) - and my mood improved. Fell off the wagon after about 6 months, mostly because organic food tends to be a bit more expensive but I still try to eat mostly all natural foods.
And don't worry - organic food isn't all oatmeal and wheatgrass. You can get pretty much all of your favourite, tasty foods in organic form these days. Even if you don't go all organic, you could substitute some of your guilty pleasures with organic versions. Mine was nacho chips and chocolate bars. Lots of all natural foods actually taste better than processed foods because they actually taste like the food they're supposed to be!
The reasoning behind this is that all of the chemicals and additives in food contribute to weight gain and poor health. Our bodies are designed to work perfectly if we just feed them what they need. They don't need all of the stuff on the label that you can't pronounce. So our bodies store this gunk and all this gunk screws up our body chemistry and next thing you know, we're plagued by weight gain and disease.
An excellent book I would recommend is "Natural Cures They Don't Want You to Know About" by Kevin Trudeau. You'll never look at food the same way again after reading that book.
You could also consult a natural health practisioner or visit your local health food store. They may be able to make some recommendations tailored to your needs.
lovelybones
