Counselling is a good idea. But keep in mind that not every psy is good for you. You have to find the right person for you. the person who understands you and your problems. Don't give up on you!
Not every doc or psy does this because he likes to help. The first step is to find someone that cares. You are going to pay for it so you deserve it.
It is only one example. For my dogs I've been looking for a decent vet for nearly 3 months before finding one that really cares and also is prepared. But I found it. For the other doctors is the same you have to look for them, try them and then decide to trust them. But before putting your wellbeing in a hands of a person you should trust it.
So keep looking. Maybe the first you encountered was good in helping other people but not you.
I know that they are concerned with me. But everything has a limit. And the worse thing that could happen to me is not make it by myself. Then I simply go to work to a company. I know I have a good preparation but I also have dreams. And for me at least is important to follow my dreams.
The biggest problem is that my mother doesn't understand that I'm not 10 years old anymore.... I had to fight with them to move in my own home. This was last year... one year of fight to go to live by myself.
I don't really know what to do. Three years ago I've met a person a special one. We love each-other. We live really far away. And this is a problem but we could overcame it. But.. here is the but... My boyfriend is also depressed. And he doesn't seem to want to do something for us or for him. We are both IT professionals so is no problem to work wherever... I have my home in Bucharest and my parents Company. Only that he doesn't want to go in Romania because he will be far away from his parents and he does not want to work anymore. Also he doesn't want to lean the language. But he wants the money?! He also is really good on writing but he doesn't want to write as a job. I have the feeling that he cares more about being comfortable than being with me.
Also he sets for himself some utopic goals. And obviously he has no will to work towards them....
Today I'm really angry with him. I try not to sent him some nasty message or to fight to the phone. On Friday I'm going to see him and I'm staying with him all week. So I prefer to talk with him face to face. But I don't know if I want to wait anymore. I don't have the strength to wait for I don't know how many years for him to decide. But also I don't want to loose him. It is a very special person.
We share really a lot: the love for nature, adventure, reading, talking... everything. Even the love for informatics and the need of independence.
The BIG problem - his fears.
He is afraid to talk about future, to live his home (this is a characteristic of Italian males)
He wants guarantees in all.... and in the actual world this is impossible. He wants to have all or nothing in life. He doesn't understand that between black and white are billions of shades of grey. He doesn't accept those....
I'm trying to help him but often he ends behaving like a child (a spoiled one). As for the goals he would like to became a writer. And to publish but he is afraid of failure. So he prefers to do nothing. I'm pushing him but also I'm afraid to push him too hard.
He has a really rich personality and maybe this is one of his traits that attracted me in the first place. We share feelings and thoughts but he has some fixed and inflexible ideas. And those are the main problem. As for me I know I'm too lunatic. I'm a dreamer and often I go against any logic but this is me.
I like taking risks and he doesn't like risks at all. He needs stability but at the same time he has an adventurous spirit. So he end often with an internal fight.
When we are together we understand each other without the need to speak. And we also speak a lot. But his fears are driving me crazy. Sometimes he tells me that I should find another companion because he is afraid that he will never get better. But he doesn't want to get better he wants to do very well. Better doesn't have any meaning to him....
I have to fight two days with him to get his promise that he will go to speak to some editors. Buthe want only the biggest....
We talk a little but he tried to avoid the discussion. Tellin me that I'm cold and that I on't understand him and that he definitevely refuses to do something for us. That he cannot live home for variuos motives. No real motive in fact but only because he is afraid of growing up.... I don't know what to do... I know only that I'm feeling alone....
I am on the other side of the equation. I'm the daughter and I had and still have a really hard time with my mother that doesn't support me (for real). Support for me means to give me the freedom to make my own mistakes and take my own decisions even if they are wrong.
I also had a period like your daughter... I was angry with the world because I hadn't have the courage to follow my dreams. and every time that my mother told me that I can do anything I wanted I didn't belived her. Because I couldn't see any real support only words. I wanted to start my own company and I needed their experience bue since they were not happy with this all the help I got were words...
The only thing you could do is to make her understand that you will be there for her even if she can't manage by her own. and that you intend to help her for real.
Be there doesn't mean money but simply support and understanding. She needs protection but another kind of protection than a child. She needs a mother friend that helps her annalize the problems and helps her find the wright answer. Like an experienced friend that understands her.
We talked a lot this days but he is still afraid. I think that the only thing I could do is to let him came along with me. But has to be his decision.
I know that he loves me but is afraid... is not easy to deal with.
The real problem is that he wants me to came to live with him (but in southern Italy the things are not looking very good like now - here is full economic crisis) and I wants him to came with me. In Bucharest we'll have real chances to have a good life. But: problem no 1: language, probl no 2. his attachment for his parents, his need to have a stable job (he wants a public job).
On the other part here in South Italy, yes he have some income but I will be blocked... in the sense that is nearly impossible to follow my dreams here. To go on and do natural language processing I need to be near an university.
It is not an easy task. We thought too at a neutral place. But the problem is the house. We both have the house and to go in a third place maybe to rent a home is not really a great financial choice. Another idea will be to work together and try to stay flexible enough to travel from my place to his.
I think that only future will tell.
The big problem is that am not a very patient person and I can't manage very well the waiting thing.
