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for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Pristiq

Hi. Just checking in.

I can't remember when I started here. Isn't depression horrible in the memory department??? It's a big symptom for me. Anyway, I know I've on the Pristiq now for awhile. And I thank you Arizona for telling me to hang in there with it because it really has taken awhile to start noticing some effects and to see the side effects start decreasing.

I'm having more okay days than bad days. Every once-in-awhile I actually have a good day where I feel no depression and have my old energy levels (which is encouraging). Today is a bad day though..... you know: "the can't get out of bed or function too well" kind of days. They still come and are the discouraging part.

I still have about a week left of my time off, and I woke up in a panic about work next week. Part of me really doesn't feel ready, and the other part knows that I have to go. So.... I'm going into the future and worrying about stuff and trying not to go there. I'm also beating myself up for needing time off. Feeling guilty about it. I think about a phone call that needs to be made, or a bill I need to pay, and I physically can feel myself shrink and flinch like someone is about to hit me. What the heck is that about??!!! Has anyone else ever experienced that feeling?

It's not pleasant at all.

Just an update. Overall doing much better, but today is sucky.

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Hi everyone.

Hi Ben :)

I hope you stick around. It kind of seems that working this program is a lot like excercise. I'm dragging my feet about moving on to the next lesson, and I don't feel quite as well as I did (although that could be from many factors). I'm not sure if you could bring material when you have to be gone, but that's a great idea. And if you were at least able to get started before you have to leave, you would have some tools under your belt to use while away.

So welcome! This really is a nice site, and everyone is very supportive. And I thank you too for serving :)

Deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Understanding what happened helps me to accept.

Welcome Rebbie.

HUGS!!!!!!!!

Deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Working on the house

Hey Goofy,

Were you able to get some sleep last night???? Man I can relate to the sleep thing and I feel for you. I had one of those nights last night myself. Very weird dreams about being on American Idol and aliens landing.

I love this thread you started. It's really helpful to me to read about your experiences and thoughts. I'm sorry you're feeling crummy though.

Quality of sleep seems to have a huge impact on the level of depression I experience the next day. I'm curious how everyone elses' sleep patterns are going.

And yahoo for you for going to the game. I hope you have fun, and I know it will mean a lot to your son (how cool he's a mentor!).

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Pristiq

Josie, thank you so much. It was a really hard day and I was needing to hear back from someone. I'll check into the panic site and read about going back to work. I didn't actually have a full blown panic attack, but it felt close to one.

Really. Thank you for being there. I have tears in my eyes because I was waiting for someone to write back to anything I wrote today.

Did I say thank you??? :)

Deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Pristiq

Thank you Samantha and Strength. That helps so much. Thank you for being there.

I'm having another bad day. I'm having a hard time pinpointing what triggered it (if anything), but although I've kept my goals up, I haven't been doing any pleasant activities, and it's been raining hard for a week-- hard to get out and get any sunshine in my eyes. The last two days I've gone back to bed after I've gotten my son off to school. Then when I wake later I feel like such a loser. Which I know is negative self-talk. But it's sending me down into a negative spiral (I just read session 3), and it can be hard to pull out of. Mornings are definitely worse for me. I hate this part of it. Things were going so well and I hate the backsliding. I know not every day is going to be perfect, but I'd like to at least be functional.

My huge goal for today is go to my little one's parent/teacher conference, and wash some towels because we are out. I can't even think of what to do with myself beyond that. No motivation, no ideas, low and unfocused energy, and throwing hate daggers at my phone when it rings.

I know I need to take a shower for the conference-- maybe that might help a bit. I don't want to show up with leaves and twigs in my hair, and cute little squirrels setting up camp on my shoulder. :)

I keep blaming myself for this. I must have done something, or not done something. It's so hard feeling like I'm looking out of a window at all of the other families that are engaged with life. Their houses look great, their kids are in extracirricular activities, they're meeting each other for dinner out, they're laughing. I know their lives aren't perfect and they have their own issues to deal with, but their functioning. I can't even express the depth of my despair right now. I feel so frustrated and overwhelmed. My level of depression today is 9+ and I want someone to whisk me off to the carribean. And I want to stop feeling all of this pain. No worries with me and S/SI-- I never go there. I just want this pain to stop.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel like I could sit here all day and vent.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Pristiq

Today is a little better. Monday it snowed, Tuesday it rained, but today it's 70 degrees out. Goofy weather.

Thank you for that beautiful post A. That helped so so much (and you're right-- I just needed a gentle reminder). Things are coming together and today I'm actually seeing some of the pieces fall into place. I really have been working hard at rearranging a life that is not working for me anymore.

I came into my office today to do a couple of things.... talked to my supervisor. I got a raise and was given 40 hours a week (upped from 36), and a new staff person to help me with stuff. I can also be home in time to pick my son up from school, and do some of my work from home. She also told me that if I needed another month to recoup and regroup, that would be okay (My head was/is spinning from this-- seriously, can you believe???!!!). Today I also officially let the county offices and my clients know that I'd be winding up the group therapy stuff by the end of the month (which was incredibly hard). Lots of tears for me and my clients both. Really hard, really emotional.

The implications and impact these changes are going to have for me and my family's life are tremendous. I'll be able to take care of us financially, be there for my 5-year-old, and be there for myself. No more burned-out mommy.

I also called and scheduled individual therapy sessions for myself. And :) Since it is a nice day, popped off to the beach for about an hour and soaked in some beach air and sunshine.

Under normal circumstances, I'd be dancing around hooting and hollering. But I'm still not feeling well (still about an 8 on the scale). However, this day and the gifts that were given to me are not lost on me. I may not be jumping up and down, but there is this space in side of me that is breathing a sigh of relief and I'm at least feeling hope. That and a lot of gratitude. And A., your letter couldn't have been more timely-- before I read it I was thinking to myself that things are coming together. That some of my hard work is paying off, and that these were necessary changes that needed to be made. Thanks for sending some love-- I really felt it :)

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

And the goal award goes to...

Congratulations Goofy!!! You are such an inspiration and so deserving of this award. You've done so much hard work, and watching your progress keeps me going. Good job!

Deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Art Therapy for core beliefs?

I've used art therapy a lot with my clients. My understanding of it isn't based as much on CBT, but on connecting with hidden (or not so hidden) experiences, and feelings about those experiences.......which then lead to core beliefs (which we may or may not be aware of). It's a great tool (much like dream therapy) of getting deeper into things with a client without "rationally" processing. There seems to be a lot that we process with the right side of our brain that is hard for our left side to articulate. The right side is accessed when engaged in any artistic process, and can tell us a lot about ourselves (and even more with the help of a professional).

That's my understanding of it anyway. I personally think it's very useful and I hope this response was helpful! :)

Deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Hello

Hi Raz,

I'm also glad you found us. Post as you're able and let us know how you are doing. People here are really cool and have offered a hand for me to hold as I (and we) do some of the hardest work of our lives. It's encouraging and supportive and I'm happy you're joining us.

deb

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