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Posts created by cvdeb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Working on the house

There are no exclusive parties here :)

Post whenever a topic speaks to you. I went to the doc's today after reading your post, and he prescribed a very low dose of trazidone for sleep. I'll let you know how it goes.

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

first day of therapy

I had my first day of therapy today. I loved the therapist. We talked about a lot of my background, what triggered my depression, etc.

She asked me a lot of questions that were about when it started this time. I had lots to say (started feeling the downhill around October). We narrowed it down to a number of factors: Job burnout, over work, lack of self care, lack of pleasurable activities, exhaustion. She was wonderful and funny. At one point, she said, so your UU's aren't big enough to feed the world?! That's made me laugh so hard that I thought I would pee.

There was a connection. I saved the last piece that I wanted to talk about for last. I met my current boyfriend in August. And he's worked really hard to be with me. I have been single since 1993, and happily so. I have run domestic violence classes for men for 13 years in our county, and they don't stop coming. Hundreds and hundreds of men. I know every single excuse in the book for why they hurt someone they loved, and they just don't stop coming. I've actually wondered at times if there are any men left in our county that I haven't treated.

Consequently, I have looked at anyone I date very hard for any signs of verbal, physical, or mental abuse. Most of the time, I have one date because I hear something that sends up a red flag.

Okay. So this guy is different. I've been seeing him for 8 months, tried everything in my power to push him away, and he sticks. He has stayed with me through this depression, and loves me unconditionally even if he doesn't quite understand.

Have to continue this in a minute cause my little guy is calling for me.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

first day of therapy

Tired!

Nutshell of the rest of it is that she gave me a homework assignment to thank him for his staying power, and tell him why I tend to push him away. So I'll let all of you know how that goes.

Need to go to bed now though :)

My thoughts are with all of you. Thanks for listening.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Hi everyone.

Hey Ben,

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

It sounds like you've been through a lot of trauma (child abuse actually can lead to PTSD). And it also sounds like you're not quite sure where to begin. This depression stuff can be very confusing, not to mention that most of us have thinking difficulties as one of our symptoms. This is just a suggestion, but maybe just start with session one and take it as slowly as you need to. I also found getting personal therapy really really helpful to supplement this program. It allows me to get into stuff in a way more personal way than I can here. I don't know if you have access where you are, but when dealing with childhood trauma, it's really important to have someone help you navigate through it.

I'm glad you're here. Keep posting.

Deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Hello

Hi Son,

Welcome!

By the way, you weren't rambling and it was great to read your post :)

I'm on Pristiq, working the program here, and just last week, hired a therapist to help me dig a little deeper. What a huge difference in just one session! So, I'm a fan of the therapy thing. You'd be suprised at how much you do probably have to say, and how fast the hour flies by. These strangers are trained too to help you explore yourself so there's probably not too much danger that you'll have nothing to say. My two cents anyway.

It's always nice to see new people so I hope you find this site helpful and I hope you stick around. Keep posting.

Deborah

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

first day of therapy

It went well :) I think it helped him understand me a lot more and it brought us closer together. Cool stuff.

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Hitting downswings

Welcome Raz.

I find that when I'm on a downswing, I need to slow everything down and take baby steps to take care of myself. I may not be able to accomplish all that I want, but I let that be okay in my mind. I try to be at peace with the downswing, and work with it instead of fighting it (sometimes successful, sometimes not). By working with it, I mean I try and listen to the messages I'm getting from my body, or string of thoughts. In your case, it sounds like grief has triggered this downswing. What everyone else has said is true, so I won't add too much more to that except for this: Grief never goes away. As the years pass you might experience greater lengths of time between grieving periods, but it seems that it's always just as intense.

Do you have someone you can process your feelings with? That would be helpful, as would journaling your feelings. Writing here was a great idea too. So good job with that. Keep us posted, okay?

Deborah

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Just call me Lumpy

So I'm back at work as of today. I'm sitting at my desk and staring at things. I'm staring at the papers on my desk like they are some strange new creature I can't figure out. I can't think straight, can't figure out what to do first (although I did get all of my messages and returned a few calls). But now I just feel numb and restless at the same time. Aimless.

I think I need to use one of the goal sheets to break this down into smaller chunks cause otherwise I may just sit here all day not blinking. Does anyone have any advice??? Is this normal when depressed people go back to work??? Again, feeling a bit like a loser because when I'm not depressed, I can really get stuff done.

And I'm using this computer to avoid dealing with all of this stuff in front of me. Computers are handy that way-- computers and refrigerators...... wander over to that and stare like something's changed in there in the last 15 minutes. Both are very useful distractions.

So here's your useful advice for the day: when trying to avoid work, get on the computer but make sure to wander over to the fridge often. Before you know it, you haven't accomplished a thing and it's time to go home!

Sigh. Hopefully someone's around with some brilliant insight/advice.

Deborah

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Just call me Lumpy

You are my guardian angel today, Luciana.

For you!

That helped a lot. I just finished organizing everything on my desk, shredded a ton of uneccesary stuff, and actually have a clear desk. There's only one project I need to work on, so now I have the space (both in my head, and on my desk), to start writing some steps down.

I wish you were sitting right here :) But the next best thing was a speedy answer. Thank you for that too.

Next, lunch and a little time at the beach (building some pleasurable activities in), and then back here to make my list.

Thank You!!!!!!

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Just call me Lumpy

So I got organized at work, picked up my son around 2:30pm, came home and cleaned out my car. I started my downhill slide into depression around October, and hadn't cleaned my car since then. There seriously could have been a missing person in there and I wouldn't have known it. Yuck. But also there was really important papers I need in there for this project so it had to be done.

3 hours of sorting and tossing, and no papers. I know exactly where they were (even given the mess), and I've looked in every possible nook and cranny. These papers are so important that I might even get fired for this (financial stuff). So I'm trying really hard not to panic and project doom and gloom into the future, but it's hard not to. This was the only thing that's been asked of me, and I don't have the papers I need to do it.

There's nothing I can do but keep looking, but if I can't find them by tomorrow afternoon, I'm going to have to call my supervisor and find out what the implications are. Wish me luck. If any of you are psychic, please let me know where they are!

I'm pretty exhausted after this day, and this setback isn't helping. It's a little sucky that I worked so hard to organize my life so that it would work better, and have hit a big roadblock. I'm hoping it's not a job stopping roadblock. I can't go there in my mind. It's not healthy for me to go there. I'm just going to try and hang in there and deal with it as it comes. But I'm on a major treasure hunt right now.

The other place I don't want to go to, but can't help going to, is that I had those papers in my briefcase which I take to my domestic violence classes. The envelope looked like it was full of money (but it wasn't). I'm really hoping it wasn't stolen.

okay.... just processing. Thanks for listening. A bit stressed here.

deb

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