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Posts created by cvdeb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

And the goal award goes to...

I'm glad you found this :) I was worried you missed it cause you never responded. However, getting back into your life is good reason-- that's why you are an inspiration.

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

first day of therapy

My guy is very nice. We have just started talking about living together, marriage, merging families and how we feel about that whole thing. We've taken our time, and have allowed each other space to explore this relationship. It's interesting that after we had this talk, I feel like I've surrendered to something good. Just voicing it allowed me to let him in. I do feel like I deserve a good relationship, and I think that's why I avoided for so long any kind of commitment with anyone. I just never met anyone I wanted to keep seeing.

My depression is weird. I'm not sure if anyone here at this site has something similar. I've had 3 major depressive episodes in my life, and have only taken meds for two of those. The first was when I went through a divorce in 93 (was medicated), the 2nd was when my grandmother died and I was working 5 jobs (not medicated but went on disability for 3 months in 2005), and this latest episode (medicated). I think that maybe I have dysthymia, with periodic episodes of of major. My self esteem is good for the most part, I've worked through all of my childhood stuff (although that never seems to end, does it?). I struggle at times with not being "normal", but realize that I have something good to contribute to this world.

When I was divorced in 93, I shook my fist at the world and said, "I swear that I will never ever be in a postion to rely on a man again." My son was 3, and I put myself through college, and then graduate school in 6 years. I think I may have taken my own vow a little too seriously :). Super independent and thinking I don't need anything from anyone, I've always taken care of myself and my children alone.

will continue in a sec cause I don't want to lose the post.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

first day of therapy

So rambling a little Kat. Sorry. Writing is therapuetic. I guess my point is that my parents weren't there ever. I've had to go through everything by myself, and I consequently picked relationships where the men I've loved couldn't be there for me for their own reasons so I wasn't willing to even entertain the idea anymore. So CBT has been really helpful because I realize, because of my experiences in life, that I formed beliefs that aren't serving me anymore.

Maybe it's okay to let someone in. I've been careful about who that is, and we are both exploring that together. We signed up for a couples retreat May 1st. It's a zen based communication retreat (one day). Another thing I love about him is that he's willing to go do stuff like this early in our relationship just to make it better (not because things are falling apart). Just because he wants to build a solid foundation because he loves me and wants the best possible future. And he wants to support me too in getting better.

I am in love. How in the world could I not be with this man.

That's my relationship update. Will keep you posted on the therapy update as it comes.

Thanks to anyone willing to listen to this long post. It meant a lot to me to write it.

deborah

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Amazing Book

Hey thank you. The book sounds really good. I'll take a look for it.

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Just call me Lumpy

I FOUND THEM!!!!!!!! To say I was relieved would be an incredible understatement. I was so relieved I felt the blood start moving through my body again. Huge stressor instantly gone.

And um..... I filed them in an abandoned laundry basket, and buried them under other stuff. I think I lost my mind! Seriously. I can't figure out why in the world I would have put them there.

No matter. They are found and my job is saved

Thanks Strength. I'm glad you posted. Love hearing from you.

Deborah

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

technical question

Hey Mods,

How can I add an avatar, or add information to my profile. When I go to my profile, there are only three options there to choose from. Any help with this would be appreciated.

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

technical question

Thanks Luciana,

That was super helpful.

deb

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

more pristiq +

I think that I'm at my therapeutic dose of pristiq. There were a couple of problems: one my doctor helped me solve, and the other I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced.

1. I am feeling so much better, but was still exhausted and having so much trouble in the mornings with the depression. I was so tired, but not tired anymore during the rest of the day. I went to see him because I thought that perhaps I needed another antidepressant to boost this one. He's a holistic doctor, and has known me since I was a baby. Knows all of my patterns. He told me that because I have chronic stress from overwork, that my adrenals are shot (which he tested). He told me to pick up some Holy Basil (meant to regulate cortisol/adrenal and an herb), and IsoCort (meant to give my adreanal system a rest). All from the health food store. Anyway, I picked up these supplements, and I finally feel alive again. It could be that suddenly the pristiq kicked in, but it seems like the pristiq has been working slowly everyday. I'm not a doctor, but if your depression might have kicked in from stress, this might be something to look at. I feel like a different person in one day. No more morning exhaustion.

2. Another Pristiq question: I've read that one side effect of Pristiq is mixing up your words. It's not on the official website, but I notice today a few gaffs that weren't horrible, but weird. Today I said, 'This route is faster because I can avoid downtown traffic', when I meant to say, 'This route is better because I can avoid downtown traffic.'

And I called my friend Joan, Barbara. Both I've known for years. There seems to be a little pause when I'm trying to name things that used to be easy to name. I've read that this can be a problem for pristiq, and was wondering if anyone else is having this problem. I'm even worried that when I read this tomorrow, that I will see words misplaced! Like medication induced dyslexia. Words and spelling are harder.

Love feedback. Actually need it. You guys keep me going.

deborah

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

feeling grateful

Thank you Strength.

That means a lot.

Deborah

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 102

Need some help

Sweet A.

Yes there is a reason for everything. I haven't had a chance to read posts earlier, or I would have responded.

Ashley said it very well-- you are in grieving and are going to go back and forth. I'm sorry that you're hurting though. Try and sit with the feelings and go through them. Talk here as often as you need. Breathe, cry, post, sleep, talk, and try to take a walk.

Sometimes when we are in the middle of things, we don't understand what the lesson is, but keep breathing, keep waking up everyday, and I seriously promise you that you will understand what it was that you needed to learn. The pain is coming from not knowing right now.

Depression or not, this is something that all people deal with. An important gift of depression is that we seem to ask more questions, and seek more. We search. We are always searching.

Although you feel horrible, you are on the verge of huge discovery. It may not be today, but you are there.

You are a smart man, and I know that you already know all of this stuff. I'm just reminding you. :)

You are beautiful, you are competent, you give strength, your love flows so strong that you are able to share it here in abundance. You are where you should be and everyone here loves you.

Be mindful A. Sit in a warm spot by some flowing water and lift your head up to watch some clouds float by. When you are particularly stressed, try and run/walk/hike to dissapate the stress hormones in your body (easier said than done). Dumb depression seems to turn us into washclothes.

Thanks for posting. You're feeling exceptionally strong feelings and you needed to get them out. I hope it helped to write.

We love you A.

Deborah

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