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Posts created by wellandhappy

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

My introduction

Hi Craig,

You can start by posting your introduction on the "Introduce yourself" section - write a little bit about yourself, and feel free to share how you feel, you are in the right place, nobody judges here and the Health Educators are great. Personally this program has been very helpful for me to deal with my depression. I hope it helps you as well. You're not alone and sometimes even writing about what is troubling me makes me feel a tad better, so why not give it a try?

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

This is INSANE!

I agree very much with MediumMoodSwing. I hope there was a formula that would work with all of us so nobody had to endure any pain!! But unfortunately there isn't and the best we can do is keep trying until we find something that helps us, even if is just a little bit, to make life a tad easier.

Like you I have tried so many things, low carbing, vegetarian diet, exercising, supplementing, mindfulness meditation, prayer, drawing, writing, and nothing has 'cured' me, but I would be lying if I said all these things together had not made a difference. It may be slight improvements here and there, but overall when I look how much I accomplish and get done these days compared to let's say a year ago, is quite clear that overall I am doing much better and that I am functioning much better. Sounds to me like you are already doing all the 'right' things, but perhaps might be worth to keep trying with the vitamin B, maybe some other brands? I know how frustrating it can be when you go from one doctor to the other and they tell you that all your levels are 'fine' and that you are ok (so it must be all in my head, right?!). I still haven't found the right doctor but at least I've discovered I do have some nutritional deficiencies and I am tackling those and I hope that will make a difference as well. But yes, is very frustrating with doctors nowdays.

I am sorry to read you have not found any relief yet here and I really hope you'll find what works for you soon. I'm obviously not there myself, and I may never be, perhaps I will just learn how to 'manage' my depression (like someone mentioned on another thread), learn and experiment with new tools such as CBT so I can cope better on the bad days. But that's better than being depressed and hopeless.

Good luck and do not give up!!

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

Would appreciate some points of view please

Dear all,

Hope you're having a good day. Is been ok for me, busy which is good, and I just talked to my mum, which makes me feel good as well.

However today I am having again my insidious, recurrent and catastrophic thought of 'I will never be in a relationship again, and I will grow old single and lonely'. I know it sounds very ridiculous, it makes me feel quite silly and ashamed to admit as I know people have more serious problems than these. But I guess that's the way depression is, a negative thoughts grows so big that it turns into this dark, wild torment that feels unstoppable and it takes over you. I have this thought almost every day, every single day, at least once, but usually many times. If I could pick one thought that keeps me the most depressed, this would be it, which is why I am reaching out to ask for some guideance, in spite the shame I feel on admitting this in 'public'.

A little background: I have been married once and divorced after 3 years. After that I've been in several long term relationships, all with men who were not good for me (either with severe narcissistic tendencies, and the last one was a full-blown, text book narcissist). After so many dissapointments and the last fiasco which was pretty bad, I finally came to the conclusion that I had to take a look inside and work on myself as somehow I had been attracting those men. So I embarked in a journey of self knowledge, self discovery, read lots about relationship, learnt about my childhood issues and how they have affected me to my adulthood, etc.

Fast forward to today, I have been single for 2 and a half years, working on recovering of my depression, trying to put my life back together after the last failure, away from family and friends as I actually moved countries in order to be with the last man. I understand now how I was an easy prey to these men due to low self esteem issues, codependancy, intimacy issues, etc. so I have been working hard on all those areas. These days I am much more centered, I do not feel I need a man in order to survive, and I have stayed clear of relationships that do not serve me, I am surrounded with truly wonderful friends, for the most I enjoy my job, I have a good life, and little by little I think I am building my self esteem.

However one thing I have not been able to change and is actually getting much worse, is my outlook about my future when it comes to

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

Would appreciate some points of view please

I just realised that my post got cut off, perhaps due to the lenght

here's second part:

However one thing I have not been able to change and is actually getting much worse, is my outlook about my future when it comes to relationships. I just feel that I am flawed, that I am screwed up and that is just not gonna happen for me. There's piles of evidence that I attract only the bad lot, and not one single positive dating experience that I could use as an exception, as evidence that after all I am not flawed and I am capable of being in a positive, healthy relationship.

I feel that since now I am heatlhy enough to recognise what is not good for me, and I know is best to be alone than in bad company, that 'protects' me from the bad guys. But at the same time, I don't feel I have what it takes to attract a nice person into my life. I realise these might be self esteem issues and core beliefs not purely related to depression, but it is related to my depression in the sense that this is the most insidious, recurrent and negative thought I have, and I can not find a way around it.

If it helps, here's the record thought regarding this issue:

Thought record: 1^st Feb 2011 – 7.09 PM

Activity: watching a TV show displaying people in relationships

Beliefs: I compare myself to these couples eve

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

Would appreciate some points of view please

Thanks Ashley for your kind reply :)

Here are my answers:

What if you really were alone for the rest of your life?

well that's pretty much how I feel now, I feel that being alone for the rest of my life is much more likely than being in a relationship. And of course, this thought depresses me a lot.

How would you find fullfilment in other ways?

Family, friends, work, perhaps a change of careers, pets. I would dedicate a lot of time to my personal and emotional healthy to try to be strong and centered.

What would you do differently?

I envision myself doing pretty much the same things (not sure if thats a good or bad thing). It feels kind of depressing to think about it.

How would you give your life meaning?

I have always wanted to help others, perhaps to overcome their own depression (if I ever manage to overcome mine of course!). Perhaps that's something I would look into.

Where would you find social support?

Friends. One thought that scares me is that if I do end up alone, is just going to be me... my parents will be gone, my brother and I are not close, and my friends will be doing their own thing. I don't know. Perhaps I could join clubs etc where I can meet new people and make more friends.

What would be bad about it?

i am just scared of being old and sick and having no one really.

What would be good about it?

Can't find anything good about it at this point.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

Would appreciate some points of view please

aagg the post got cut off again sorry

here's the continuation of the thought record:

Thought record: 1^st Feb 2011 – 7.09 PM

Activity: watching a TV show displaying people in relationships

Beliefs: I compare myself to these couples even if they are fake, or any couples in real life, at the supermarket, restaurants, etc. I just feel miserable because I feel it will never happen for me, I will never be in a relationship again and I will grow old and lonely.

Consequences/feelings:

Sad - 90

Angry - 90

Hopeless - 100

Bitter - 80

Tired - 80

Fed up - 80

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

Would appreciate some points of view please

Hi again Ashley,

Yes you are right, I get pretty scared from only thinking about it!! It does look like a very sad situation. There's a lot of things that scare me: being sick and having no help or company, no social support, no financial support, and just the loneliness in general I guess! Having to 'do' life on my own at an old age. Not having enough resources to take care of myself, to provide myself with health insurance, medicines, etc. I see my parents aging and how they are facing more and more health issues but at least they have each other and they take care of each other and keep each other company. This makes their lives more complete. The idea of having to do all that on my own scares me very much.

I think the information from the article you describe is very interesting. Actually I'd be interested in reading more, if there's a link available for public reading. I definitely can identify with this. It actually makes a lot of sense!!

Regarding me feeling 'uncapable' of being in a healthy relationship. I just feel sometimes that I don't have much to give in a relationship. I am not 'homey' nor have any of the qualities that men look for in a 'traditional' wife, don't like to cook, etc. I see my friends who are married and they have built a nice life with their partners and I just don't feel capable of doing that, I wouldn't know where to start. Hope this makes sense. I also don't want to have kids (although sometimes I wonder if this is just part my depression - me feeling that motherhood is exhausting and overwhelming and I would not have the energy or strenght to go through it, maybe I would make a terrible mother, maybe my kids would suffer because this world is not very nice anyway, etc. - I guess thats another whole topic on its own). So anyway, I feel that not wanting to be a mother kind of 'disqualifies' me for a relationship with a lot of men. I don't feel I am 'womanly' enough. I also don't feel I am much fun to be around, I can be a real annoyance when I am going through the depression - who would want to put up with that? I feel very flawed. I've been told I am quite attractive but I don't think so myself. I guess I just don't like myself much. Some days is better than others. Working on changing that and loving myself and showing care and respect to myself by taking care of my body and my mind etc.

I guess I need to challenge the way I feel about myself? How does one go about that??

Thanks again Ashley your replies have been wonderful and so helpful!

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

Would appreciate some points of view please

Dear all,

First of all, thank you so much for all your replies!! Believe it or not, they did give me a lot of food for thought, and I am definitely taking your positive comments on board.

Yesterday I did a little bit of research on the internet and I found several studies that support what you all said. I found one that says that 70% of the women who stay single until old age report that they are very satissfied with their lives, the keys to success seem to be purpose and a good social network. This gave me a lot of hope.

I also have been doing the exercise of actually going through the thinking of how would my life be if I stayed single. At first it was very difficult. But today I thought that perhaps is not as terrible as it sounds. I think I need to keep facing this fear. I have gone through the Challenging Thoughs section already but I may revisit as soon as I am done with the program and before I move on to the Auxiliary materials. I also think the Worry section might be helpful, for obvious reasons!

I hope that at the end of the day my fears are unfounded and time poves me wrong, but I think that the reason why I feel so worried and depressed about this is because I have not faced the fear, as Ashley helped me to discover (thanks again!! :) ) and because I don't have a plan B or an idea of what I will do, how will I cope, how will I support myself, etc. if that happens. Need to work on that, methinks.

Jaques, wonderful to hear that your wife is not the homey type too! Is very refreshing to hear this from a guy since as women we are very conditioned to believe that unless we are super homey/girly/womanly there might be something wrong with us!

Courage, you make a wonderful point regarding the connection. After reading your post I just had to reflect a little bit to realise that you are right, the most satisfying part of my friendships is that 'connection'! Is so fulfilling and I also remember that the brief moments when I have experienced what I identify as 'happiness' is when I have felt that connection to earth or 'everything' that you mention!! Thanks for reminding me of that :)

Tiana, I stole my name from the mindfulness meditation :) I started practising vipassana meditation last year, and there's a particular modality, perhaps you know it, which is called loving kidness meditation, and I like it a lot, especially the 'may they be well and happy... may you be well and happy... may I be well and happy..' etc part. Hence my name :)

So, may all of of us be well and happy :)

Thanks so much again for your posts. I will let you know how I'm doing!!

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

Exercising... it really DOES work!!! :)

Hello again!!

I just wanted to celebrate a success with you all.

Now that January is gone, today I took some time to review my exercise calendar, which is where I am keeping track of my excercise sessions.

My goal for the month was to exercise at least 3 times per week.

So today I counted how many days I exercised during the month of January.

And out of 31 calendar days of the month....

I exercised...

(drums.....)

23!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM THRILLED!!!!

I can't believe that not only was I successful at accomplishing my goal (12 excercise sessions during the month) but that I almost did as TWICE as the amount of exercised I had set for my goal!! :)

Now, for the month of February, I have set the goal of 16 exercise sessions (4 per week). I figured since for January I 'overachieved', I want to keep things rolling and the challenge on. But I also don't want to set a goal that is too high because I don't want to set myself for dissapointment.

I would welcome any thoughts on this because I am thinking that perhaps this month I was over motivated and perhaps I wont' be able to keek this level of motivation through February. Or perhaps I will and I should keep a goal that is challenging.

I think one of the problems depressed people have (at least I do) is that we are so eager to get better that sometimes we set goals who are too high. I have made this mistake over and over again only to fail over and over again. And I don't want to fail this time. So any comments, feedback will be much appreciated?!

THANKS AND YAY FOR EXERCISE!!!

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 55

This is INSANE!

Hi brightsunnyday!!

Hope you're having a good day.

I'm also a very 'black and white' person. It sucks but this program has given me the hope that after all I might be able to challenge this and learn new ways of thinking.

Do not give up!! Keep trying new things, you never know, you might find something that helps!! I can't believe I have found some relief on exercise and crafts, but I have, and is such a relief. Every day I feel I am getting just a liiiitle bit better, and I do hope is the same for you :)

Evolution Health is not a healthcare provider and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are currently thinking about or planning to harm yourself or someone else please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

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