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Posts created by Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Another emotion today...Frustration!

Thanks m - I'll give it a look see! I'm only on week #1 can I skip ahead?

There were 7 emails in my inbox this morning about this, that occurred after I left yesterday, but still nothing was solved. At least someone other than me is going around in circles :)

At least I'm feeling frustrated and ignored instead of anxious and depressed....that's a good thing!!!

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Anniversary Reactions

m,

In hear you about the being disgusted that this is still happening to you after you worked the program and did so well with it. I don't know, but I think you just have to keep working it again and again. I'm sad for you, because I understand, I feel like that too. I've worked very hard to get this monster tamed, but every now and then for some reason, this time because I tried to quit smoking and messed up the chemicals in my brain...it rears it's ugly head, and throws me way off balance. Sometimes, it's a stress thing that triggers it for me. For you this anniversary, but whatever the reason, you have to be patient, and do the best you can with the tools you have. I find that sometimes, just breathing is a chore. At those times, I curl up on the couch and try to sleep. It's my way to escape, and for me it works for a time, until the pain subsides.

I think staying positive, and remembering that you have gotten through this before, and you will again, and yes acceptance that it's not your fault and you can't control how you feel, but you can control how you think. It's not a step backwards, it's a process, and each time we go through it we learn something.

I really hope you feel better soon m.

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Whatjathinkin´ ?

m, you are not alone! I felt bad for being depressed and anxious in the summer when I should be feeling my best as well. From what I can see for myself it's a chemical thing. In 2 days after I started smoking again, I'm happy, and things are going good, I'm getting problems solved at work and I'm able to concentrate, eat, sleep and be happy again. I'm back to looking at the positive instead of dwelling on the negative.

I went to see the coucellor Thursday, and she said she didn't think I needed therapy, that I had done so much work on my own, and that I had processed my "past" very well. It's like I'm a different person, when smoking and not smoking. It's so weird to me.

I don't know if I will ever quit smoking, or have the courage again to try, this episode has scared me away from trying it again. I know you quit a few years back, I'm curious if you had a major depressive or anxiety episode with that, and if so, what did you do about it?

what about your meds? can your dr. adjust your meds at all, so you can get feeling better?

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Anniversary Reactions

I'm worried about you m :(

Have you been able to get back on the program at all? Have you seen your dr. don't think of it as a step backwards, think of it as helping yourself get better. What happened in the past is done, start from where you are today. Be kind to yourself, do something you like to do, and then take a little nap and enjoy it.

Do you have pets? I think you mentioned you did. I find a lot of comfort in just cuddling up and petting my kitty, and she enjoys it as well. Music is also a great comfort to me, put on something you really love to listen to, for me it's the Eagles, I have a DVD I've nearly worn out of the Hell Freezes Over concert, and I watch and listen, sing along, and it makes me feel good. What is your favorite music?

I'm doing so something nice today, I am going for a massage in a bit, and then off to see the Lone Ranger and out to dinner with friends. I hope you can do something nice for yourself today too!

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Another emotion today...Frustration!

Thanks m! I did not think you were glib.

As for work, well I suspect as well that they value me, and that it's my own fears and lack of self worth, and low self confidence that causes me so much trouble. I feel like I have to work so much harder then everyone else because I'm not as smart as they are....I feel like I have to keep being told I'm doing the right thing, and that I'm doing a good job, just to feel like I'm not going to be fired. Then I feel bad for needing to have constant validation.

I know the feeling stems from my childhood, and having to grow up too fast, and not getting the validation I needed back then, but it doesn't help much to know that, except as I explain to myself.

Like the other day I was checking the payroll for my employee, confirming increases to budget, and I noticed that I'm budgeted for an increase in July. Everyone else who was on the July list was getting their increase, I was the only one that didn't. Now I know my boss is busy, and probably just hasn't had the time to tell me about it yet, and so it didn't get done, but there is that little voice inside my head saying, ha, there you see, you aren't getting your increase because you don't deserve it!

I'll keep you posted on that one...ha ha.

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Another emotion today...Frustration!

Thanks m and Ashley, glad I have you guys to bounce these things off of. I'm feeling much better, smoking but happy! I've managed to solve a bunch of issues at work that I was blaming myself for....and had some good conversations with some prickly people. I'm not concerned about my increase -yet. If it doesn't happen by the end of the month, I'll be a little concerned. You know I work for a great company, have been there 17 years, and they are my second family, so to leave would be devastating....either by their choice or mine.

m I don't think it would be 4 people to replace me....maybe 2 though ha ha. I can totally see you burning yourself out after 5 years. I was on that track, and I will admit that I do work from home at night and on weekends in the crunch times, but I try not to do that as much. It's not good for us, we are human and even if I don't have much else to do, I need to do something other than work on weekends.

Yes, I am quick to forgive others, and my approach is always gentle....I don't get the same in return,because we don't know what cooks in the other person's pot, the issues I have with certain people in the office are well known to sr. management and I'm not the only one who has those issues. I just need to learn how to deal with them, and still get the job done :)

Tomorrow I have to put my Internal Auditor hat on...fun! NOT...talk about a job that puts you in a position to potentially push peoples buttons if not approached in the right way. I prepped well, and it will all be fine :)

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Anniversary Reactions

m, I'm glad to hear you made it out with your daughter, and went to church!!! As much as we resist it when we don't feel well, being around loved one's is a good thing!

You and I are almost in the same place in the program again! I just started week 2

I have dust bunnies too...not as cute as real bunnies :)

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Whatjathinkin´ ?

oh wow, months to see your doctor? Really? I think it sucks that I have to wait for an hour for my doctor (when she is on walk in clinic duty) .I am lucky it would seem, as much as we complain about the shortage of doctors. Perspective is everything. I sure hope you don't have to wait that long.

As far as the counselor I saw, I agreed with her. Now if she had seen me 2 weeks sooner, if would have been a whole other ball game. We talked about self help that I have read a lot and processed the stuff that happened to me in my past. She and that she would call me towards the end of the month, to see how I am doing. Right now, I don't feel like I need therapy, but I also know the feelings come and go, and I still have to work on those negative core beliefs and learn how to challenge them in the moment.

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

Negative Core Beliefs: Part II

Hi Vincenza,

Oh yes, I most certainly do experience negative thoughts that stem from early loss, and experiences in my childhood, and teen years. It's really helped to examine the past, not to wallow, but to look at it to see why we have these negative core beliefs, where did those core beliefs come from? why am I still having the same reaction now...after so much time, why do I still feel invisable, incompetent or not smart enough, not good enough...etc. etc.

I know the why's, but how do I turn the negative thoughts around when they get triggered, so that I'm not still dealing with those same feelings from 30 years ago?

That's what I'm working on now, and I'm so glad I found this site to come to for help.

Thank you all so much!

Laura

for 10 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

What group?

Hi m,

How are you doing? I've been away for a while, I was on a bit of a high I think due to starting smoking again, and then I was up north visiting my folks. I've been thinking about you, and feeling like I'm coming down from the high so to speak, feeling down again, not like when I tried to quit, but just my normal tired, and not interested in doing anything kind of feeling.

To your comment, it does seem a bit like a ghost town around here, and that makes it a bit tedious. Where is everyone? This is such a terrific site, and I know there has to be more than a handful of people suffering from depression.

Laura

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