Hello everyone, this will be my first of many posts, I hope that being here will help me in some form or another. My name is Frank, Im 30 years old and drink/smoke and cant deal with stress. I have been in a rocky relationship for over 5yrs and it has ended, the part that hurts the most is that I have a son that is involved with this old relationship. I lost all modivation to meet new people, do things alone and I concern myself with what others think of me. I hate myself and the world around me, I have had thoughts about suicide but rest assured I do not want to take that step. I havent been talking to anyone about my dipression and my hate for life cause I dont know who to talk to. Everything costs money, money I dont have and money that is going straight to my son and his lively hood. I dont deal with stress well, I lost ambition and have a lack of desire to be intamite with anyone. I dont see my son to often as she has put borders on me seeing him under her rules, and its bothering me. I had a good 2 weeks (feeling happy and not being depressed) and now Im back in the hole, I feel like gasping for air each and everyday and I feel that the world around me is closing in an suffocating me. I wish that I can once agian feel and be happy, but sadly enough it dosent feel like thats ever going to happen.
All my hopes and dreams have ended and I have lost any ambition to want to carry on with life. I hold in my heart one woman that I truly and dearly love to this day that has made me love life and her unconditionally. Sadly shes just a memorie that I try to go to when I feel like life is going to kill me. Thinking of her helps me sometimes but it dose not help me go on with life. I work full time (so to speak) and I make the bare minimum amout of money to get by (I eeeck by everyday somehow). I dont want to make more money cause it just leads to buying more junk and haveing someone else deal with it after I die. I dont own a house and dont think I ever will, I just Im just a minimalist now. All I do own is some cloths a car (on its last leg) ad this computer, my most presious possetion is my true love that I have accepted I will never see agian, and the memory of my son smiling and laughing and being happy with me around. I pray sometimes if ever an