Good for you. Remaining in that state will only increase your stress. Take the step and let us know how it goes?

Hi Frank, I'm finding it hard too but I did have some counselling and that helped me. There's good advice on this site and I hope that things get better for you soon. All the best, Gerard

Yah I want help but Im scared. I will take the advice and try it, I know I cant go in living like this anymore.

Hi, Silverknight. Welcome to the site. It sounds like you have some big painful issues. Sometimes we get to a point where we need to call in the experts. We can try to fix our own cars for instance, but there's a point where we can't. If you're nurturing your self-hatred through booze and smokes too, then how about diverting some of that cash into seeing a therapist? You can call your local mental health center if there is one and discuss how to get help, or ask your family doctor to refer you to a therapist. I hope your first desire is to stop this cycle you seem to be in. Cycles can spiral downward and out of control. I would urge you to give yourself permission to get help, while you still want to get better. You're the one making the decision. Don't let negative thinking about this make it worse, ok? Relationships sometimes go sour, but your relationship with your child is so very important. Regardless of the stipulations imposed by one partner over the other, what's important is that you keep seeing your child. If you have no desire to, then all the more reason to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist, don't you think?

Hello everyone, this will be my first of many posts, I hope that being here will help me in some form or another. My name is Frank, Im 30 years old and drink/smoke and cant deal with stress. I have been in a rocky relationship for over 5yrs and it has ended, the part that hurts the most is that I have a son that is involved with this old relationship. I lost all modivation to meet new people, do things alone and I concern myself with what others think of me. I hate myself and the world around me, I have had thoughts about suicide but rest assured I do not want to take that step. I havent been talking to anyone about my dipression and my hate for life cause I dont know who to talk to. Everything costs money, money I dont have and money that is going straight to my son and his lively hood. I dont deal with stress well, I lost ambition and have a lack of desire to be intamite with anyone. I dont see my son to often as she has put borders on me seeing him under her rules, and its bothering me. I had a good 2 weeks (feeling happy and not being depressed) and now Im back in the hole, I feel like gasping for air each and everyday and I feel that the world around me is closing in an suffocating me. I wish that I can once agian feel and be happy, but sadly enough it dosent feel like thats ever going to happen. All my hopes and dreams have ended and I have lost any ambition to want to carry on with life. I hold in my heart one woman that I truly and dearly love to this day that has made me love life and her unconditionally. Sadly shes just a memorie that I try to go to when I feel like life is going to kill me. Thinking of her helps me sometimes but it dose not help me go on with life. I work full time (so to speak) and I make the bare minimum amout of money to get by (I eeeck by everyday somehow). I dont want to make more money cause it just leads to buying more junk and haveing someone else deal with it after I die. I dont own a house and dont think I ever will, I just Im just a minimalist now. All I do own is some cloths a car (on its last leg) ad this computer, my most presious possetion is my true love that I have accepted I will never see agian, and the memory of my son smiling and laughing and being happy with me around. I pray sometimes if ever an