Dear Marci, Welcome to the site! You will find helpful tools on the left of your screen and as you know, a support group. Thank you for your input...you will find many people here who understand what you are going through and have a great deal of advice and knowledge. Keep posting! Susanne

I am new to all of this and have been sitting and reading everyones comments. I am 32 years old and have been divorced and was in a very verbally abusive marriage. I have since practically driven my boyfriend crazy. I have a 10 year old daughter who has to still deal with her nut for a father. Which in turn has thrown me into severe depression. As far as the friend thing, saying all friends turn their back. I dont think it is a matter they turn their back, it is a matter they dont know how to deal with depression. And, if you think about it, us as sufferers dont either. Honestly, how are we suppose to get mad at them, when we want to get away from ourselves, but we cant. I have a wonderful boyfriend and he has stood by me and I think for him it is getting very stressful dealing with this and I dont blame him. It has been about 8 months dealing with major depression and I have been on 6 different pills trying to help me. I think people can be patient for so long with your negative thoughts until finally it does take a toll on them. It isnt that they dont love you, it is the fact it seems like a dead end road for them, as it does for us. The last couple of days, that is why I ran across this website, I have been really trying to find myself help for all of my negative thoughts about myself. We all should have self worth and happiness in our lives. When we have depression, that seems impossible. Twice as bad for me since I was in a relationship where he made me feel I was worth nothing. The great black hole called depression is very hard to get out of. I thought suicide would be my way out. Who am I kidding. I have a 10 year old and a boyfriend who has a 15 year old a 10 year old also.......I have realized the hell I would put them through if I did commit suicide. I just get to the point where I am tired of putting him through this and that is the only way. WRONG!! The only way is to get help and inform your loved one as much as possible about the disease so they hopefully dont turn their back on you. Coming from someone who has hit rock bottom, I hope this helps. :)

Hi misfit, yes I'm still around. I've tried to get a different perspective on my life lately and I've come to the realization that I really don't know what will make me truly happy so I should stop going for superficial things. So, if these "friends" don't care about me, oh well. I've got my own life. I guess I just need a change. It may not make things better but at least it's a change, you know? Anyways, my first big step is looking for a new job. Second step, getting my own place. Third step, ???

sinthia, i don't know if you're still around but i relate so much to everything you said... i'm grief-stricken and need a caring friend, and hugs, which a therapist can't give me *sniff* ...i don't even know why i'm writing this - just, i know how you feel... and my heart goes out to everyone on this board too...

Dear Rj, Some people don't understand what a toll depression takes on the entire family, not just the person who is ill with it. It sounds as though you have a lot bottled up inside that you really need to get out. You will find many people on this site who understand what you are going through. I would recommend that you see your doctor and asked to be referred to someone who can help you. Is there any chance of talking to your husband and asking if you could go together as a couple? You have to remember to take care of yourself through all of this. If your husband is not ready to get help for his depression, then he is not ready. Keep posting and let me know how you are doing. Susanne

Dear Rj, Some people don't understand what a toll depression takes on the entire family, not just the person who is ill with it. It sounds as though you have a lot bottled up inside that you really need to get out. You will find many people on this site who understand what you are going through. I would recommend that you see your doctor and asked to be referred to someone who can help you. Is there any chance of talking to your husband and asking if you could go together as a couple? You have to remember to take care of yourself through all of this. If your husband is not ready to get help for his depression, then he is not ready. Keep posting and let me know how you are doing. Susanne

HI, Ive been reading the postings alot lately and noticed a thread. Nearly everyone who is depressed seems to think that their friends have no backbone or character when they can no longer tolerate a depressed person or when they finally withdraw after YEARS of pleading with them to get help. Well, think again. Do you think that you have the right to pull them into your dark hole when you will not do anything constructive to help yourself? When is the last time any of you thought about the hell you put OTHERS through and then have the balls to expect them to actually like being around you, sticking with you even when you do nothing? Dont you know you can actually ruin someone else's life by not VALIDATING THE WORTH OF YOUR OWN? Why do you leave that for everyone else to have to do? What gives you the idea that you have the right to lay such a burden on someone and then, when they cant get any of their own needs met...have the audacity to say they never really loved you? Where was YOUR love for THEM? Did they ever get a chance to know who you really are apart from your drugs and self pity? Where does depression leave off and self-centeredness begin? Can you tell the difference any more? Do you even care?! And sooner or later those around you will finally figure that out and get away from you before you pound them into the same hole that you are accustomed to. Misery sure loves company doesnt it? I asked my husband to go to the doctor one last time. He will go to have a wart or a mole removed...he will go to get pills to enhance HIS sex life, or to check his PSA level each year. He will go to get something for a rash. He is very careful to go to the dentist to have his teeth cleaned and to get a checkup. All of this on his own. But he wont go to stop the pain he causes those closest to him. He once said he is afraid he might be exposed as being just "fricken lazy". Well, if that is even remotely true, dont any of you think I have the right to know for sure, so that I can make a more informed choice of how long I am willing to tolerate that? No health insurance, not a penny set aside for retirement, not a penny in the bank for when work slows to a crawl a few months each year, nothing to use but jacked up credit cards to keep what was onc

Hello Susanne, Yes I have told my docter and my therapist how I have been feeling and they have suggested me to see a physcologist. I have tried all my life not to have negative thoughts but, after I had my son I just feel so alone inside. Sometimes I have thought that I should be in a mental institution or something but, I keep thinking the thoughts that I do and try living day to day. You see I never had a mother to be there for me nor to tell me how to live life or what to expect. I think that was a main problem. And as for you Susan don't think that you are the only one who feels the way you do because it's like you are speaking from my everyday life. I say this because when I was about nine is when I started to hit myself when I felt bad or sad for any reason, I even burnt my hand for fun because I didn't want to hurt inside anymore so I figure that I would feel pain from some where else. When I was 12 is when I tried to commit suiside and my mother thought that I did it for a guy. Even with me now working I feel like I am alone. And Yeah, I really can't afford to see my Therapist at $40.00 a session, I don't understand. My boyfriend always wants me to go 2 times a week but we don't have the money. I think from everything that I have told him about me he gets scared maybe thats why he doesn't want to leave me. Like you say being part of a society is what I also have wanted but then with everything that i have been through and having thoughts about them all the time I just wish I was in a society where everyone understood each other even if they do have some problems and not show sympathy just UNDERSTAND. I really do hope that your interviews go well. I am very sorry that your relationship didn't go well for a while but things will get back on track. I will keep on trying like always and hope you will too. One thing that ny docter and therapist both said is that if I did't keep going in for sessions that I could drive myself crazy with all my thoughts. I just wish that when bad things happen to someone that they would just forget and not remember.......That's my problem!

ANITA7- I know how your felling. Having no job has made it even more depressing. Not having a job for over a year has made it very difficult in alot of ways for me. I haven't paid any of my bills, which are now all in collections. I have a car payment due Feb.1, 2004 and I have to boworrow money from my mother whom is struggling her ownself. My car is my only credit at this point since I let all my other debts go to hell. Not having a job has put alot of stress on me. I see a Therapist once a week and he expects me to pay him $65.00 each session cause I don't have health insurance. Now, I am trying to get a job, but my problem is that I fear I won't do well in the workforce or that I am not ready because I fear I will just not go to my job or get fired like I have in my past. Its so frustrating not being able to be apart of society and making money and doing all the things I'm suppose to be doing, cause I really want all that. I have 3 interviews this week and they are all at health clubs, since I think I finally figured out what I want to do with my life, so I started to apply around at some GYMS. So, hopefully they will hire me. I am trying to also get my Personal Trainer Certificate as well and go from there. I have some goals this year I'd like to follow through with, but sometimes things look cloudy and I sometimes wonder why I try so hard. I am so lost and confused. I have been through so much in my life and I just turned 26 years old. I was married when I was 22 to a Polish man and he left me when I was 24, 2 years after we got married. I later found out he only used me for a Greencard. That was very depressed. I then fell into a deep state of depression. I just stopped caring about myself. I would go out all hours of the night to clubs, parties or to hang out. I would drink myself to death and hang around unhealthy people. I also smoked marijuana and tried XTC and found myself in bad situations. I regret most of it. I also met a guy whom is still with me and now we live together. We have overcome alot of obsticles and issues together. He too was married, but Divorced too now and has 3 kids and is only 27. He has helped me in alot of ways and made sure I got out of what I was in. He works and has a very stable job. The probl

Dear ANITA7, Sorry to hear that things are difficult for you right now. Have you told your doctor how you are feeling? Make use of the tools on the left of your screen and the support group, we are here to help. Keep us updated on your progress. Susanne