Hi Lady
I feel your frustration! The ads on tv say "You don't have to go through this alone. Talk to your doctor." I resisted for a long time, because I don't like taking medication, but my "not coping" was getting so out of control that I finally went to my doctor, truly thinking that the medication would make me feel better.
My doctor didn't suggest any therapy, just medication. First was Zoloft, and she kept increasing my dose until we reached the maximum and she decided that a different drug would work better. Same with Paxil, then Effexor, then Wellbutrin... I hate coming off one and going on another, and I'm sick and tired of feeling this way! And if it's not working, why on earth am I filling my body with heavy duty drugs?
Research shows over and over that a combination of medication and therapy is the most effective treatment for depression, and one would think that there would be some sort of communication between the therapist and the prescribing doctor (ideally, they would be the same person, but I haven't been able to find anyone like that). I'd ask your doctor why he doesn't want to speak with your therapist -- if he doesn't think she adds value, then ask him which therapy/therapist he would recommend.
I'm figuring out that medication doesn't help everyone, and I think I get what you mean about not wanting the problem to be you -- if medication worked for me, then my depression was simply due to a chemical imbalance and could be classified as an "acceptable" disease like, say diabetes. Having tried a few different medications with no luck, I need to accept that it's not a chemical imbalance and must therefore be "in my head". Less tangible, less acceptable, makes people look at me sideways when I tell them. So I don't tell them, and I hide myself away so they won't see and judge me. Am I just weird, or does that resonate?
I don't know what I'm going to do about my medication, but I'll pre-empt Josie and Danielle and confirm that I won't make any changes without talking to my doctor first. You sound sensible enough to do the same. You also sound strong and determined -- you'll make it through this.
Sending you healing energy,
Janice