Well I actually got up at a decent time and I am headed out. I was up most of the night and didnt want to get up. I have the fear, hopeless stuff going on. I am mostly Lonely. Lonely sucks. I really have no one. If I reach out ( whine and cry ) People write back. How do you just have friends. 30 years work and family! Period! That was it, no friends, no hobbies, just work, worry, stress, resposibility. So Im good at being alone. Even when I do try to reach out I get rejected. I must upset people. Well time to head in to the big city. Might be a relapse day. Everthing sounds good today.