blue-eyes, I understand the concept of triangulation. It is usually the persecutor, the victim and the rescuer. It happens in various types of relationships on of which you describe another in families with alcoholism, etc. It's a tough place to be and often times the people who assume those positions change places. I hope that makes sense.
I ask questions but don't necessarily expect a response. It gives you things to think about in your situation. I'm also full of opinions. lol
I can tell you from being a single parent that getting that break when a child goes to the other parents comes with guilt and relief as well as dealing with "different" behaviors than what you have at home. Usually ones we are unhappy with. Remember that you deserve this time, enjoy it, she'll be provided for, be prepared for the issues you know she is coming home with - that you can prepare for - but keep you first. I always think of me first, not in selfish light, but in that I have to take care of me or I won't be there to take care of anyone else or to do or support or listen or nothing. Without prioritizing me and my health first, there is NOTHING below that in the priority list. I hope that makes sense too. I hope you've enjoyed your time by yourself and the time with your husband without the issues.
I got another question that you don't have to answer. I always told my son....I love you, I just don't like it when you behave ______ (fill in the blank). Do you really hate it or do you just hate the way she behaves? It can make a difference in how you perceive things and your interactions with her.
Another thing I think about when I hear situations such as yours is that there are no wrong feelings. It is okay to feel what we feel and believe what we believe. It's how we deal or express those feelings and beliefs that cause the conflict. I say this in the context of your SD. She has these feelings and the beh mod can help her learn to appropriately express how she feels. At her age, verbal expression may not be where she is developmentally. That's not saying there's anything "wrong" with her developmentally. but as you know all kids develop in all areas at their own pace and something traumatic can interfere with that developmental process. Again, am I making any sense.
I also believe education - awareness - knowing are key elements in helping us understand certain situations. i.e. my depression. The more I've learned about it the better I've been able to cope with it and start to take positive actions toward making things better. It sounds like to me you are putting forth great effort in this regard.
I'm glad some of my questions prompted you to see if they would help. I hope that they do and again, please don't feel obligated to respond but think things over and see if its something you can use, if not, toss it aside.
I think you are getting somewhere, taking those baby steps are tough when we want to know how to run. It's frustrating but you are taking steps that seem to be helping. I look forward to progress reports and how things are going.
I really would like to know if you enjoyed your much deserved break!!!!
