good evening, everyone!
i joined up a few days ago. i am an artist, i am russian, but live in Los Angeles. i have always been rather moody and prone to hypochondria, and 8 years ago, following my father's passing, i had a period of few months when i was very depressed, anxious and had multiple panic attacks. i did a course of talk therapy at the university i went to at the time, and was able to maintain an emotional equilibrium through a divorce, grad school and other large life changes.
however, 2 months ago i went to do an arts residency in Russia where i encountered a sort of hypno-NLP therapist. he promised that after 15 sessions my life would dramatically change for the better ( i have been quite worried about being lonesome and single). The method of this "therapist" involved this person labeling/interpreting the events in my life for me, while i was in a slightly hypnotised state-guided visualisations that scared me, and 7 sessions later i was suddenly having panic attacks again, which this person assigned to "resistance" to the "great changes" that were taking place in my life.
i stopped talking to this "therapist" (it turned out he didn't even have a license or uni degree is pshych- beware of quacks!), but my emotions since have been very erratic-particularly at the sunset hours, i find myself feeling intensely sad, and then every now and then i'll have an intrusive thought, or a bout of anxiety. it sort of ebbs and flows, and since i have health anxiety, i am self-diagnosing myself left and right with depression/ocd/panic, and doing 3 parallel online courses - this one+panic centre+ocd four steps at the same time. oi!
i should also mention that i don't have health insurance, so am kind of all over the place trying to self-diagnose and heal.i suppose i should make an effort to see a professional? is it possible to feel better by doing CBT and not take anti-depressants? does anyone have experience with this sort of thing?
my life is a bit stressful now as well- i just put a professional relationship with my editor/best friend on hold, and am quite anxious about a project i am doing that i got a grant for, and have so many upcoming projects that i am so worried about failing!
i am just.so.worried.
and lonely! pardon the long introduction,
the sun is setting and it's when i usually get most nervous and depressed. (does anyone else have that?)
leni