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for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1022

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

m, I'm glad to hear you made it out with your daughter, and went to church!!! As much as we resist it when we don't feel well, being around loved one's is a good thing!

You and I are almost in the same place in the program again! I just started week 2

I have dust bunnies too...not as cute as real bunnies :)

Laura

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1022

Laura, I don't want you to worry about me but I do surely appreciate your holding me accountable for self-care. Not my greatest strength.

I have read through the first session and skimmed through the rest briefly before starting the session one homework again. I am dragging my feet over doing the mood trackers. So I guess that should be my goal for this week.

I do have pets... two dogs, two cats, and lots of dust bunnies. They are great comfort to me. Well, not the bunnies but they are kinda cute scurrying across the floor making everyone sneeze.

Music is good! Today I went to church (it's been years) and breakfast with my daughter. Just us. No kids, no hubbies. It was nice! Very nice.

Thanks so much for checking in. I hope you enjoyed your time with friends!

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

I'm worried about you m :(

Have you been able to get back on the program at all? Have you seen your dr. don't think of it as a step backwards, think of it as helping yourself get better. What happened in the past is done, start from where you are today. Be kind to yourself, do something you like to do, and then take a little nap and enjoy it.

Do you have pets? I think you mentioned you did. I find a lot of comfort in just cuddling up and petting my kitty, and she enjoys it as well. Music is also a great comfort to me, put on something you really love to listen to, for me it's the Eagles, I have a DVD I've nearly worn out of the Hell Freezes Over concert, and I watch and listen, sing along, and it makes me feel good. What is your favorite music?

I'm doing so something nice today, I am going for a massage in a bit, and then off to see the Lone Ranger and out to dinner with friends. I hope you can do something nice for yourself today too!

Laura

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1022

Thank you Laura for your understanding and support. Breathing is indeed a chore. I've always found naps to be healing. However, I am sleeping way too much these days and can't seem to break out of the torpor. Perhaps when the weather cools down.

I am having no success challenging my negative thoughts this week. It's like I don't even want to feel better, so stuck am I. I have no energy to challenge myself at anything.

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 40

In hear you about the being disgusted that this is still happening to you after you worked the program and did so well with it. I don't know, but I think you just have to keep working it again and again. I'm sad for you, because I understand, I feel like that too. I've worked very hard to get this monster tamed, but every now and then for some reason, this time because I tried to quit smoking and messed up the chemicals in my brain...it rears it's ugly head, and throws me way off balance. Sometimes, it's a stress thing that triggers it for me. For you this anniversary, but whatever the reason, you have to be patient, and do the best you can with the tools you have. I find that sometimes, just breathing is a chore. At those times, I curl up on the couch and try to sleep. It's my way to escape, and for me it works for a time, until the pain subsides.

I think staying positive, and remembering that you have gotten through this before, and you will again, and yes acceptance that it's not your fault and you can't control how you feel, but you can control how you think. It's not a step backwards, it's a process, and each time we go through it we learn something.

I really hope you feel better soon m.

Laura

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1022

Shouldn't an anniversary reaction be over ... like in one day or something? I'm going on a month now and feeling quite frustrated. My T says I need to be patient and keep working through the "issues" and that I need to be gentle with myself and show gratitude to myself for surviving and ... i dunno... whatever. Not feeling very patient or very grateful. Just kinda disgusted. I'm disappointed with myself for being disgusted with myself. How convoluted is that? How do I step OUT of this place? Willing it to be so isn't working. Not one bit.

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1022

Vincenza... I'm always after "the cure" but what you say makes a lot of sense: "...it will always be with us, something that time cannot heal, but something we learn to live with." At first that seems even more depressing. You mean there is no cure?

Surely my experience bears witness to the fact that "it" doesn't all go away, no matter how hard I work or how much I want it to. How much better to be realistic about the ebb and flow of depression? I think maybe I wouldn't feel so devastated when it comes back. I maybe wouldn't feel so compelled to beat myself up and fall into the despair of thinking that I've made no progress... no progress at all.

Hmmmm, thought provoking.

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi ~m,

It's my pleasure. Know that there are many members, myself included, that derive a lot of hope and inspiration from the support you offer on the forums. The more time goes on, the more I realize this is life - full of ups and downs, celebrations and sorrows...

I can relate to your feeling of anger and probably exhaustion at wondering why you can't just "get over it" and move on, not being able to define what that "it" necessarily is (hope that makes sense..)

Personally I think the "it" will always be with us, something that time cannot heal, but something we learn to live with. This is where strategies help to cope with strong feelings that come on suddenly.

I'm glad you have reached out for support. Please keep us updated on how you are doing and what has been helpful for you as we can always learn from each other!

Vincenza, Health Educator

for 11 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1022

Thank you Vincenza for your encouragement... it means so much to me. A light in the darkness. I wrote a long reply, with much explanation, which somehow got lost. I suppose the value was in writing my thoughts out it in the first place and not necessarily in the posting of them.

I appreciate your suggestions and will implement what I can. I am sorry for the loss of your special person. I do see the wisdom in your handling of those extra difficult times with thoughtfulness and care. I'm glad you have found ways to remember and find some comfort.

For me, the known losses are easier to prepare for in advance. It's the unknown (at least at a conscious level) that throw me for a loop. Leave me feeling angry with myself and wondering why I can't just get over it (whatever "it" is) already. I guess that is why having a strategy for setbacks in place ahead of time is a good idea. I must have skipped that session...

Anyway... coming back here for support and direction is one good strategy for getting through.

So I guess I'm headed in the right direction. Thank you for responding. It helps to be heard.

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