Freemom,
there are others who can and have better advice for you than me about tackling a quit. But I'll tell you what comes through loud and clear to me from your posts. You're a hard-pressed mum, there might be a bit of resentment about that, and you're a little bit of a rebel. The you that you are (or have been) to the outside world, daughter, wife, mother etc. isn't ALL that there is to you and as a result of not expressing those other bits of who you are, you silently stuck two fingers up to all those people and went off to have your secret smoke.
Well, that's my possible interpretation of the way you smoked. And although I was a much heavier smoker than you (latterly up to 30 a day) as a single mum and also a bit of a rebel in my time, I can identify with those other bits that come through to me about you.
So, it seems to me there might be two aspects of your quit that you could address as you make progress. Firstly, rewards and freeing up resentments. How can you reward yourself every day, for doing your quit at the same time as being mum? What is going to be your "my time"? Also, can you delegate any of those responsibilities you feel in motherhood? Do you feel you're taking on too much of the parenting/housekeeping/organising stuff? If so, how can you change those things? Delegation is often the key to feeling better AND to getting some "me" time. And it's amazing who can help out. Even kids!
Secondly, the rebel you. The secret smoker! Well hey, you ARE entitled to have something just for you. Something that you love. Something that says there's more to you than mum, wife, daughter etc. Something just for your secret self. What can you do to reward her, I mean REALLY reward her and bring her joy while acknowledging her identity is not solely defined by all those other roles? Seems to me that might be a possible key in giving you back that secret role.
One of my mates freaked out and turned into a biker chic! lol. Her family think she's mad! She doesn't do it often but she has ALL the gear. gets the leathers on, revs the bike out and heads off to be that other side of herself. Works for her. Mine is music. I put my headphones on, ban the kids, close the curtains and for half an hour to an hour, I AM Madonna. Strutting my stuff and singi