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for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 8

Thanks goofy,

It looks like it might have just been nothing to her. Not only has she not initiated contact with me yet (still giving the time she asks.), her parents, whom own the house that we were living in have given my son and I, 30 days to vacate. It's annoying since they originally agreed to allow us to stay until my son finished school in a couple months. Now I'll have to commute if I can't find something close, as I want him to finish the last couple months in the same school before transferring him to another.

I spent th weekend with friends. My son and I helped them move, and then stayed the weekend helping unpack, and generally visiting. It was very therepudic to me, and I didn't start getting aggitated until it was time to go home, so a move may be best, and who knows. Maybe she'll call, but I doubt it.

I found my new theme song too.... Was on th bus this morning to work, and Three Days Grace - Gone Forever came on. Except for the fighting, and yelling. It's my theme song as I enter what I believe is my angry phaze.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

wow, Arathi, I'm glad to hear that she started some communication with your son and she also relayed that she loved you and your son. That's something to be grateful for!

It sounds like you need to give her some space and when the time is right she'll approach you. Gosh, that's harder said than done. Easy to say, hard to do. If you are continually trying to see/talk to her then maybe she is not getting what she needs is that space and time to figure things out. In the meantime, you've got to prepare for the best and the worst and potentially something in between as there is no definitive outcome.

I definitely would be grateful she had that conversation with your son. I'm sure he's a bit confused and concerned by all this as well. Children sense when we are unhappy and worried and with this type of situation it's near impossible for me to show it. Reassure him alot that you are not going to leave him. Tell him as his age will allow the down right facts about depression at a level he can understand. Let him know that you can get help, it's like any other medical condition. My son was 24 when I became depressed, it took him a while to understand, he was in law school at the time.

More opinion, glad you looked at the session on grief, it works better if you work it - not criticizing, just commenting. And remember to be grateful for what you do have.....food, shelter clothes, your son, his mother communicating with him, etc.

Keep posting, we'll keep reading!

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 8

Thanks goofy,

I'm going to see a councellor today. Something that my work set up because they have noticed a drastic enough change in me to be concerned. I'm hoping that this person will be able to help me get through this. I'll have a look at the grief section.

I picked my son up from Daycare yesterday, and he told me that he saw her there. She was doing her observation for school (studying to be a child psycologist), and he told me that they hugged, and he told her that we missed, and loved her. My son then told me that she said she missed and loved us both as well.... It makes it hard to hear that, yet she won't speak to us, well, won't speak to me.

Thanks,

Arathi

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Arathi, it sounds like a very tough situation. I know I often look for a cause and effect in situations that arise. However, not every time is there an answer. I don't do gray shaded areas very well. I want tangible facts. Unfortunately, things aren't always on my terms. Be grateful for what you do have; and be patient (a hard thing to do).

I can so understand and feel your pain as indicated I've unfortunately experienced that. Hang in there, come here often, work the program. I know it's hard to concentrate when she is all that pops into your mind.

The section on grief might help you, though you've not lost someone to a death, you are probably dealing with the grieving process, at this point it appears to you as if you are losing her and thus the grief process starts. Anytime we lose or potentially lose, or feel like we are losing something we love; we grieve.

I hope this helps. Keep posting, venting, let yourself feel. Hang in there and know we are here for you!

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 32

Hi Arathi,

That's hard. Emotional pain is always the worst feeling for me and it's the feeling I have the most trouble dealing with.

Please keep sharing with us and keep following the program. There is a lot of good stuff in this CBT that will help you deal with this situation.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 8

Thank you Arizona.

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. After I got home from work, I heard noise coming from the basement suite where my wife's grandfather lives. It turns out that they were all over visiting him, and she refused to see me. I had to call a friend to help me get through it because I started thinking of bad things...

I have no idea what is going on, and it's killing me. It's like she just doesn't care, and there was nothing that I see to trigger it.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 32

Arathi,

That is a very moving letter. Thank you for sharing it.

I've had my share of relationship ups and downs and I understand the deep and awful pain that can result from an ending. Not being able to communicate with someone you love is very very very hard to deal with. I know this from personal experience.

The thing is that you cannot change the past, you cannot change the future, you can only control the present moment. That's it. So, how do you deal with this situation on a moment to moment basis. I think you should take some time to listen to your feelings, don't let you mind label them, just listen. Your body knows how to deal with toxic emotions, just keep the mind out of it. One of the biggest challenges in my depression was the recurring ruminating thoughts. On and on and on. If you can listen to your body and stop those thoughts you will feel better. It certainly made me feel better.

You are in my thoughts today and thank you so much for sharing your story with me.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 8

Thanks goofy.

What I fear is that her mother may be a major source of this as well, as she has always merely tolerated me simply because she hates that I'm 8 years older, and not of her faith. Although she is only religious when snubbing her nose at others, in four years they have never been to church, or attended any sort of religious function. I have. My wife has always told me about the things her mother would say about me, and that when she would confront her mother, mother would quickly backtrack, and avoid the topic with a "I don't want to talk about it" response... her father on the other hand, has pulled me aside in the past on a few occasions, and thanked me for being in his daughters life. I'm still of hopes that she will come around and think about the fact that we have invested a lot in our relationship, and should be looking at counselling, not ending... Her father knows that as well. I can only hope he'll give her the unbiased, actually objective opinion to think about over the negative biased opinion her mother enjoys.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

It's not a big mess. It was easy to read....most of us are used to the formatting and those who aren't will quickly figure it out. Sometimes we have to put the last part of our post first, lol, because we have so much to say. It's okay.

It is a very endearing letter. It talks about your pain and I think writing letters to her is a great way of expressing this pain. A blog letter has been helpful to me in dealing with relationships in the past.

I know the pain, anxiety, fear, frustration and anger of losing someone who could make a different choice or decision. I think you are expressing it well. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.

Know that you are not alone, we will listen and figure out the formatting and be here to respond. Hang in here with us. It sounds as if you've been a very caring, giving, loving, patient person with this woman.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 8

Okay, now it's a big mess..... I'm unfamiliar with the formatting on this site.....

I apologize...

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