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for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi wdc!

Today I have not been able to get a chance to be online until now and I find that you've posted! This is very encouraging. I see Goofy and Rose are already giving you good advice, they are wonderful at insight.

I'm just glad you have begun to post. There is understanding and support here, it doesn't matter where you are in your quest. Write whatever you feel up to writing, sometimes it's better out than in. We all have a tendancy to be overwhelmed and unable to concentrate. Sometimes I feel like I am continually only scratching the surface of something because I don't have the ability to dig deeper, then the light bulb goes on and I get it. It's slow and it can be tiresome, but when you are trying to overturn something ingrained into your core it makes sense that it will be a struggle.

Your work situation seems very intense. Preschool programs take alot of involvement and would be draining on you. I work in healthcare and it is a similar situation. PERFORMANCE!!!! Would it be possible to let your management know what is going on with you? Is there understanding? Is there a support program that would assist you with getting the help you need?

If there is no help or understanding where you work now is there another place you could work? I don't know much about getting disability or how that works for part time work, but I think some others here are in that situation.

Keep us posted on how you're doing, At least this is one place that's always open to vent.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 23

hmmm well I don't think my father ever out and out called me crazy- he's much too pc. Family issues, well they're there I suppose, but I don't think there is much more to resolve. I am an only child. We (mother father me) had a nasty relationship, but they were the only people in my life. Now that they have given up, well I see people at work and that's it. So negative Nancy here... I am alone and hopeless springs eternal (sorry!)

I know I should be more thoughtful in replying. I would never dare to sound like this but the internet makes it easy (ish)

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

wdc,
glad that you replied, the more the merrier, it seems alot of people drop out or don't want to talk or don't feel anonyomous enough? i haven't talked to my stepdad in years either - he didn't call me crazy but he called me foolish every chance he got. so you have family issues that need to be resolved (if that's possible). your problems at work seem stress related - performance
anxiety. are you taking any meds right now? mayoclinic.com has good article on treatment resistant depression. is your mom in the picture? you say you're forever alone, did you just lose someone? try grief counseling....there is a really good book - necessary losses - by judith viorst. helps you do deal with reality. the real reality - not just the daydreamy kind. you're not alone, though, whatever it may be. and hope springs eternal!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 23

working backwards... no I don't work for the fed government. My father was chairman of Fed Labor Relations and my stepmother also works for labor relations. I am one of the few people in DC that are not lawyers! I teach at a wonderful preschool. I finally found one that is a true school, that does research, and takes itself seriously, but in the 3 years that I've been there I've been a wreck. Not different than anywhere else, but the expectations here are enormous (hard to believe about preschool but there you go!) - usually I can hold on by being ahead everyone else. I am forgiven my "flakiness" (forgetfulness, bouts of not being able to come in etc) Here I have to push my creativity to define myself, and I have been forgiven a lot but I don't think it's going to last much longer. I may have to tell the director what the deal is. I just don't know what the deal is. I get very confused.

I am back in touch with the doctor that I saw maybe 9 or 10 years ago before I moved and moved back- and I have seen him couple of times. He doesn't have a regular space for me so he calls or emails when something is available. I couldn't afford to go the last time he had an opening because I didn't work in August. He has since emailed me and suggested I get a second job- an insane idea... I am barely holding on to this one. Have been thinking about checking into social security or whatever options may be available. I think I would do much better working part time. How did disability work for you? How on earth can you afford to live??

Thanks for the google search. There are lots of therapists around. I heard Johns Hopkins has a good department and thought I might check into that. I am without car though- somehow I let my father talk me into giving it up when I 1st moved back here- he thinks I am too crazy to drive and maintain it. But I haven't spoken to him in several years so I guess I should get my act in gear and try to get one. Again, it seems so complicated!

Your hobbies include a grandchild...?

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

wdc,

So glad to hear a positive spin - "thanks for chatting"!

What makes you think you are forever alone. on here we talk about negative core(deep down within or on the surface). I have not been able to maintain a relationship (actually even tried once, but realized it was too much for me then and now) but it doesn't mean never! Never and forever are a long time and we do get better!

As you said, you have to be willing (a positive spin). Which translates to me, that you know you have to keep going and you still believe there is hope or you wouldn't be looking for help! (another positive spin)! So hang in there and we will see what we can find out for you - of course, they are only suggestion and you have to discern for yourself what is in your best interest and where you'd want to go!

There are two CBT therapist, one in Maryland - Donna E. Burns, 6525 N. Charles Street, Suite 234, Baltimore Phone # 4109388494 another in Havre de Grace, MD, Phone # 4104099164 There are also two in DC - one is Dr. Carolyn D Gravely-Moss, 2314 Minnesoto Ave. SE, Phone # 202-581-0778 and Larry Cohen, 4808 43rd Place NE, Phone # 202-244-0903. These are counselors who practice CBT and some practice other types of counseling as well. There are crisis center hotlines that may be able to make a referral in your area - 1-888-793-4357 is what is listed for DC and 1-800-273-8255 is the National Hotline. Maryland crisis line is 1-800-422-0009 and their referral line 1-301-864-7161.

A place I found is psychoanalygic center of philadelphia, again, I don't know if either is any good, it's just a google and through searches they kept coming up! However, they may be too far! I am sure there are others, but I can only go so far and it takes oh, so much time to do research these days! I hope this helps you some! Write those crisis and referral numbers down by the phone!

I know work is hard to maintain. I started out post-diagnosis and having to retire on disability - two years later, working two days a week, I am up to five. But it took a couple of years to get here and I'm not working at a job using my education, but I am on my way (little by little).

Another positive - you are chatting! So glad you are able to do that now....hope it continues! I'll see what I can find in your area. There are some support groups in the USA. I am not familiar with your area. I've been to Baltimore once and DC a couple of times.

Personal question, decline to answer if you want, do you work for the federal government?

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 23

ps I can't believe you are all so willing to "chat!" thanks!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 23

Thanks so much... I am in Washington, DC/ Maryland, but I am willing to go anywhere. I am terrified. I didn't work in August so I think starting work again has made everything seem more desperate. I just can't keep up. And the idea of being forever alone is so unbearable. Somehow I thought that if I kept going something would work out. I just don't know what else to do.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

wdc,

I am glad to hear from you again. No positive spin required, please keep us posted with a line or two!

You don't say where you are from, that might make it more helpful to help you find a place to get help.

Give us a line or two telling us where you are and maybe we can find places for you to consider for getting help with medications and/or other treatment.

The program, you can start it when you are ready. Sometimes it is just finding one success a day, one thing to be grateful for. Today it is your willingness to go to any length to get some help!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 23

Hi. I am here. I want to go through and respond to these posts but I having a hard time concentrating. It hurts to type, to think. Does anyone know of a doctor/therapist, maybe a speciic hospital that is known for working with treatment resistant depression? I do not have much money, but I am willing to spend whatever I have to to get some real help. What I am not willing to do is continue on this way just surviving. I know I should be doing this program, but I am having a hard time doing things alone. Don't think I don't appreciate the support though!

OUch, hurts to smile :)

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Rose & Goofy! WDC are you there?

I really have been hoping to hear from wdc, her posts are concerning to me. If this site hadn't been available I don't know where I'd be by now.

I really don't know if I'm making progress or not Rose. I know that I love him and want everything to work out but I'm growing tired of the treatment I'm getting. I know he's going through something and he says it's not just me, so I wait for him to decide.

Your posts help me to remember I am not alone and that fighting the depression is worth it. Somewhere in there I think I'm saying that I'm worth the fight but hesitate to actually say that I am.

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